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Unicorns, Mermaids, Platonic Friends – do they really exist? Sure they do – in our own little make-believe world they do.
Okay, let me tone down my sarcasm, but I know most of us have asked whether or not a man and woman (or two people of the same sexual orientation) who are reasonably attractive and unattached can be just friends. Most would say no, and I can’t say that I blame them. I’m not saying it’s NOT possible, but for those who are skeptics, let’s break down the reasons why many believe PURELY platonic friendships are not possible. Consider the scenario.
Boy meets girl and girl is charmed by his non-threateningly, secure masculinity. He’s not overbearing or overtly sexual and comes across as a “nice guy.” After a brief conversation, she realizes that he watches all her favorite shows (Scandal, Love & Hip Hop Atlanta and any other show a man with machismo would never admit to watching). Boy and girl go out to eat, shop at the mall and become friends. Not lovers. Not even “friends with benefits.” They’re really just friends. Boy and girl are each other’s permanent back-up weekend companions and they never cross that line. Ever.
So like mermaids and unicorns, we feel that the likelihood that two available, attractive, sexual people who are strictly platonic friends actually exists is, well, ridiculous…right? Here’s why:
- Men and women don’t usually actively seek friends of the opposite sex. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had male friends and sometimes, I even prefer them. But I’ve never tried to become “just friends” with an available, heterosexual male that I find attractive just because. The majority of my male friends are married, unavailable, gay or are co-workers I can’t date because I definitely don’t cross that line. Anyone not falling into those categories are men who I put in the “friend zone” because I wasn’t feeling them the same way or vice versa.
- If given the opportunity, most men (not all, but most) who aren’t in a committed/monogamous relationship will sleep with pretty much any available, reasonably attractive woman. If he’s already friends with her, that’s like icing on the cake. They may not actively want to or think about it every second of the day, but given the right situation, they would happily do it. The fact they they “would” pretty much negates the whole “platonic” thing.
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Ladies, I know what you’re thinking – because I thought the same thing:
“Well, what if the guy has absolutely no physical attraction at all towards the woman? They can be platonic friends, right?”
Maybe, but here’s why I doubt it:
- No unattached man is going to willingly spend a good amount of his free time with a woman he is completely not attracted to, or who isn’t attracted to him. Especially when you consider that…
- …If you spend most of your free time with someone of the opposite sex willingly, there’s at least a 50% chance that at least one of you will develop sexual feelings or has already developed them but fear they won’t be reciprocated. I just don’t see how two people who are of the same sexual orientation would spend most of their time together and no one can or will catch feelings. It just seems like the law of averages, or probability…or something like that!
Since I’ve already established that most people don’t actively seek opposite sex friends while single, the only way two people can become truly platonic friends would be if they happened to first meet each other while already in a relationship, which is kinda tricky considering…
- Most men and women would not be okay with their significant other making new, close friends of the opposite sex. You know this. Bring up your new, opposite sex friend’s name more than once and your partner will be looking at you sideways like “who is this chick/dude you’re always talking about/talking to?” Yeah, the “no new friends, no new friends” rule applies here.
Now I know you all think that this is a jaded view of platonic friendship, and most of this was written tongue-in-cheek. I’m sure platonic friendships exist…somewhere. But were they intended to be that way? All I know is that out of my experiences and those of my close friends, we’ve all tried – at least once – to have a strictly platonic friendship, only for someone to catch feelings, flirt or have one night of crying on a shoulder resulting in some very “unplatonic” things happening. But hey, that’s just me.
Again, I’m not saying platonic friends don’t exist, but then again, when was the last time you saw a unicorn?
