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Even the most forward-thinking, feminist guy can feel a little uncomfortable when he isn’t pulling his weight in the financial arena and his girlfriend is covering all the bills. So what can you do to make him feel like “a man again”? Or at the very least, not make him feel like less of one when your guy’s bank account is low? Here are a few things you should do when you’re making more money than your man.
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Don’t not pay for the sake of his ego
You know what will make your boyfriend feel even worse than not being able to pay for a restaurant? You not getting to eat there at all. If you paying for something means you can both actually do it, reach for that wallet. Otherwise he’ll only be feeling guilty that you deprived yourself, all to save his ego.
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But be reasonable
Your guy may not be the one you want to invite to super pricey concerts or cruises. If these are things you’re really craving to do, ask your friend who is also making a lot of money. If you’re going to pay for things for your guy, make sure it’s just small things that he easily feels he can pay you back for in the future.
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Still treat yourself!
Don’t worry about buying yourself material things that are pricey. Your guy does not think about his financial status when you buy yourself a designer purse. What does he care about purses? Hey, you’re making a lot of money right now! You deserve a reward and your guy will be happy to see you’re giving yourself one.
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Talk about money
If you consciously cut yourself off every time you begin to talk about money, your man will feel humiliated—he knows that’s for him. Look: you can’t protect him from money talk. If you’re not talking about it, somebody else in his life will be, from his family to his co-workers. Give him the benefit of the doubt: he can handle listening to money talk.
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Don’t tell him everything will be okay
Men don’t like these consoling comments. They like plans of action. If you’re going to tell your guy that “everything will be okay,” you’re going to have to back it up with reasons and actions that can guarantee it will be okay. Otherwise, don’t say anything at all. After he vents, just nod and hug him.
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Avoid double dates with rich guys
Your guy can handle having to purchase matinee tickets when it’s just the two of you, or getting the early bird special. What his tender ego cannot handle is making another man do this also. Avoid double dates with your friends who have super wealthy boyfriends—your boyfriend will immediately feel competitive in that situation, and quickly after defeated.
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Keep gifts modest
During your guy’s difficult time, keep gifts modest. Get him things that he almost could have gotten himself. Buying him a new car will make him feel like, well, your sugar baby.
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Offer him connections
Don’t be shy to set your guy up with any connections you may have. That’s not the same as having someone you know employ him—that’s just matching his well-earned skill set with the right opportunity/position.
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Don’t control his schedule
Don’t ask your guy how he spent every hour of his day, inserting where you think he could have applied for a job or gone to some networking event. You’ll quickly feel like his mother.
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Don’t criticize his current job
If your guy does currently have a job—but it’s just a crappy one—don’t constantly point out the ways it’s beneath him. He knows. He likes to at least think you don’t realize how menial his job is. Let him think it, while he searches for another one.
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Talk about your financial issues
If you go around walking on eggshells for your boyfriend, holding in your concerns about how much one luxury car costs compared to another, or which stock will yield you a better return, you’ll end up resenting him. Maybe in his eyes your financial issues aren’t “issues” but to you they still feel very real, and you should be able to talk to your partner about them.
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Don’t force him into accepting anything he doesn’t want
Trust me: if a man says he doesn’t want you to pay for something/help him with something, he doesn’t.
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Remind him that he is not his money
Your guy is most likely questioning his value as a man, as a person, and as a boyfriend right now. Remind him that he is not his money, and that the reasons you love him are not reasons that are going to go away, or be enhanced by money.
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Making more money than your man is only sustainable if he’s not a deadbeat
All the above points are only valid if you’re with a guy who wants to move up the latter and make more money. But don’t be afraid to recognize when you’re with a guy who is comfortable with his situation, and has no plans to change it. Maybe your lifestyles and ambitions are not a good fit. You relieve both of you a lot of stress by cutting those ties, if that is the case.
