How Low Have You Stooped for Love?

1. You’ve used your friend’s apartment to host your love interest, because yours just isn’t as nice.
A few years ago, my girlfriends were very close-knit, so we all had a certain comfort level with our homes and belongings. One of us in the “clique” was more comfortable with our girlfriend’s apartment than her own, so she used that apartment to entertain her boy toy. She changed all of our homegirl’s pictures in the apartment to her pics, and perpetrated like she lived there, whenever her boy toy visited town. Needless to say, that romance didn’t last – because how exactly can you build love on lies? Oh, how low we stoop for love.

2. You’ve dialed and redialed like a maniac.
Isn’t it interesting how you can play cool among all your friends, but behind closed doors, you’ll stoop as low as dialing and redialing your love interest if you two get in an argument and you know good and well your lover is NOT trying to speak to you? The same applies with email. (It’s like, okay, honey – he ain’t respond the first five times you emailed him, so he is pretty much going to ignore the sixth email you send. Just saying).

3. You’ve made up your salary or lifestyle.
Not sure how many women feel the need to make up salary or lifestyle, but many men seem to want to impress their potential ladies by bumping up their job titles, and fronting like they fly to a Cabo San Lucas villa every weekend. They sure do not have that lifestyle. But hey, some will stoop a little low for a little bit of loving.

4. You’ve instigated a situation to make your lover jealous.
So, you’re not getting enough attention from your lover and what action do you take? You stage a well-written melodrama, involving your ex who is passionately trying to get you back…so that your lover can go bananas for no reason. Now, you know and I know your ex-lover Xavier has moved on from you and is married with two kids now. That man is NOT thinking about you. But, your poor lover doesn’t know this information, now does he? You just stoop, stoop, stoop…so low. Stop the stooping!

5. You’ve ordered expensive food you couldn’t normally afford, on the first date.
Don’t mean to blame all the fake “flossing” and “blinging” on the fellas, but seriously, fake wealth could very well be the most common form of stooping among black men! Why are you ordering lobster on the first date, if every date thereafter is going to involve McDonald’s? Don’t stoop so low. Just keep it real…show your potential lady who you REALLY are (even if you “are” rather brokeity broke).

6. You’ve paid a psychic to cast a “love spell” on your love interest. (Extra SMH on this one!)
Don’t even try to act like you’ve never even remotely considered having a psychic tell you about your “true love” or like you’ve never toyed with the idea of a “love spell.” In fact, some of you out there have actually paid a psychic to cast a love spell. And where did stooping that low get you, ay? Did your dream lover end up loving you back? Didn’t think so. So stop stooping!

7. You’ve tailored your moving plans/location, job applications, long-term life decisions around your honey.
We all know the routine. You have a dream job offer in Montreal (your favorite city), but here you are “coincidentally” moving to Tennessee, why? Because your “boo” lives there. Now, if your boo leaves you for yet another boo, or for HIS dream job in Tallahassee two months later, where does that leave you? It leaves you exactly where stooping gets you: nowhere.

8. You’ve pretended you go to church “regularly” when you know good and well you’re a heathen like the rest of us.
Who are you fooling, walking around with that Bible, just because your new love interest is in Divinity school? Girl, please. God don’t like stooping, so don’t be stooping in the name of God.

9. You’ve faked dying or illness.
I used to know a brotha that always seemed to be dying when we were “breaking up,” and some of you ladies stoop that low too. You’re all of a sudden “suspecting you missed your period” or having the flu because your boo is leaving you. Come on. Grow up. Upwards is a better direction than down-low stooping, don’t ya think?

10. You’ve made a sex tape with someone you just met, but think you “love.”
Here we go. It’s not just the “inexperienced at love” that stoop so low as to make a sex tape with someone they’ve just met. Many mature men and women partake in this behavior and act surprised when their lover shares said tape with the world. Now, if you don’t mind having your privates shown publicly, then rock on, you Adult Videos star. BUT, if you do, then just don’t stoop…mmkay?

XOXO