Is He Just Not That Into You? Things Men Do That Make Us Question Their Interest

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Is he just not that into you? That’s the question you likely ask yourself when a guy you’re very much into pulls some shady moves that have you questioning whether he’s interested or not.

Guys, you might think you’re doing everything right to show a girl that you’re into her, but A) Our insecurities can make us think crazy things and B) We speak a different language than you. Be careful because these actions could be misread, and she might be out the door. Ladies, would you agree these behaviors would have you thinking he’s just not that into you?

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You don’t tell us when something bad has happened

We find out by happenstance, or from somebody else, that you got fired. This makes us think we’re not someone you want to open up to, or lean on. In fact, guys often withhold bad news from women they like so as not to be a burden, or seem too clingy, or bring down the mood.

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You don’t tell us when something great has happened

Likewise, we find out by happenstance, or from somebody else, that you got promoted! This makes us think you don’t consider us your partner—somebody you want to share in your victories with. But in fact, plenty of guys just don’t like to brag, or talk about themselves, or perhaps don’t want to make their girlfriend feel bad if she’s had tough luck recently.

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You don’t give us details about your day

We ask how your day was and you just say, “Good!” before diving into another topic of conversation, or asking where we want to eat dinner. This makes us think we might just be a toy to you; somebody you don’t want to involve in the real parts of your life. The truth is when guys are done with their day, they just want to be done with it! They’re happy to see their girlfriend and just want to enjoy the moment, not dwell on the past.

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You’re brief in texts

We send you a long, funny story via text and all we get back is, “LOL!” We immediately think you don’t really want to talk to us, or you won’t take five minutes to step aside and send back a thought out response. In reality, Guys. Just. Aren’t. That. Into. Texting. Plain and simple. They’d rather catch up in person later.

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You barely call when you’re on a trip

You go away for the weekend with your friends or for a business trip and we maybe get one text or call. We see this as you not taking the relationship very seriously, or that you easily forget we exist when you’re distracted! The latter is true, kind of. Women are better at mental multi-tasking. We can be here, and there, at the same time. Men are in the zone when they’re focusing—whether that be on male bonding or on work. It doesn’t mean he’s just not that into you. They just can’t be in two places, mentally, at once.

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You don’t bring us around your friends

When we hang out, you make a point of being alone with us. Either we are on a one-on-one date, or at your place, or at a movie. But you don’t invite us along to the plenty of parties and group hang-outs you go to. We see this as you being ashamed of us! Or wanting to appear single. But many guys actually have had too many girlfriends complain that they only hung out in groups and never had alone time, so they overcorrect by making sure you always have their complete and undivided attention.

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**You always bring us around your friends**

Some women deal with the opposite problem of the previous one: a guy who constantly has other people around. This says to us that you don’t want to get too emotionally intimate—since group settings aren’t great places for deep conversation—or that you don’t care enough to plan a real date. Some guys just don’t know that women want a “real date” and they think that bringing their girlfriend to tag along on their regular life shows they want her around.

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You want to have sex the second we get in bed

We’re expecting some pillow talk, some cuddling and a slow work up to sex. If you jump right into wanting to have sex, we can feel like you see us as an object. But the truth is for men, the 4play starts the second they see their girlfriend that day or night—they don’t just turn “it” on and off. They’ve wanted to ravage their woman for hours by the time they get in bed, and waiting another minute feels impossible! Trust us, he’s very into you in this respect.

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You hold back on PDA

This just wreaks of red flags from A) You have another girlfriend and you don’t want to get caught or B) You’re embarrassed of us or C) You want to keep your options open or D) You have intimacy issues. But some guys just don’t know if their girlfriend is comfortable with PDA, or they just don’t think the grocery store is the appropriate arena for it.

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You come over but don’t sleep over

You come over, we make dinner together, have a great conversation and cuddle session on the couch, and then you say you want to sleep at your place tonight?! Most men are considerate enough to hold off on sex when this is their plan, but even still, we wonder how serious you take the relationship if you don’t want to sleep over. This one’s simple: guys like their sleep! So long as a guy has been attentive and clearly into a woman, besides the occasional night he wants to sleep at his own place, it should be understood that sometimes men want to sleep in their own beds.

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You’re quiet around our friends

We bring you around our friends and suddenly the extroverted, social butterfly, life of the party we know and love disappears into a shell of himself. You’re barely talking to our friends. We see this as you not caring enough to make an effort with our friends. But actually, a lot of guys want to let their girlfriends be the star when she’s around her friends! They step back and let the woman take the spotlight. And in other cases, some guys care so much what impression they make on a woman’s friends that they freeze up.

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If you have to get up early, so do we

When we sleep over, and you have to get up at 5 am for work, you wake us up and (politely) suggest it’s time for us to get up too. This totally makes us feel used and abused—like you don’t care that we could clearly use a few more hours of sleep, and the second you’re done with us, you want us out. But actually, many guys just don’t feel right leaving a woman alone in their house, when they’re not there to play “host”—that feels rude to them. Others have roommates, and feel they’re imposing on those roommates by leaving their unattended guest in the house.

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You wait until the last minute to ask us out

At 5 pm you ask us to get dinner at 7 pm. This automatically makes us feel more like a convenience than somebody you really want to see. But refer back to the point about men traveling and not calling: they can’t mentally multi-task. 5 pm might be the first time a guy has had all day to clear his head and take his mind off work. If he at least put in the effort to plan ahead the first couple months of dating, you can cut him some slack.

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You’re not taking us on real dates

We’re suddenly making all meals at home, or watching Netflix instead of going to the movies, or sharing a bottle of wine on the couch instead of going to a bar, or having a picnic in the park instead of going to bottomless mimosa brunch with our friends. Newsflash: the guy might be trying to save money!

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14 Things Men Do That Make Us Ask: Is He Just Not That Into You?