Sorry Boo, I’m Just Not That Into You! How to Let a Guy Down Easy (Well, We Hope)
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We’ve all been in a position to have to reject someone. A friend or co-worker is crushing on us, but we’re not interested. They’re still coming at us, and we’re running the other way. They think we’re vibing. You know you’re not. What to do?
No one likes to be rejected. Sometimes, being the “rejector” is just as hard, if not harder, than being the “rejectee.” After all, no one wants to be the bad guy; but sometimes, you really have no other choice than to let someone know that you’re just not feeling them. It’s an unpleasant experience for all involved, but here are 9 things to keep in mind when letting someone down easy.
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1. Be Polite
Just because you’re not interested doesn’t mean you need to be rude. You may be thinking that this guy isn’t cute enough, tall enough, or he’s just plain corny – but there’s no reason to say all of that. There’s a difference between being honest and being an A-hole. Proceed with kindness, even if you don’t feel like it. Don’t sugarcoat your feelings, because that can do more harm than good. Just be aware that being honest doesn’t mean you have to be hurtful. You’ll be glad you were polite in the long run so hopefully your mama didn’t raise you to be a jerk. Treat others the way you’d like to be treated. Cliché…but true.
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2. Speaking of Clichés, Don’t Use Any
Even though this phrase is typically used for breakups, don’t say, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Even if it’s true, it sounds ridiculous, and no one believes that mess anyway. The person being rejected may not want to hear the real truth, but they still deserve it. Choose your words carefully. Just because you’re being honest doesn’t mean you can’t be tactful or considerate. Something as simple as, “Thank you for your interest, it’s flattering but I’m not interested in that way” should be enough. There’s really nothing to say after that.
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3. Make it About You, Not Them
Okay, so I know I just said don’t use clichés like “It’s me, not you”…but don’t make it about them either. Don’t say to someone, “I don’t like you because you smoke weed” or “I’m just not attracted to you” – even if those things are true. Pointing out someone’s faults will only hurt them more, so unless your goal is to hurt them, just be polite and say something like “I think we’d be better off as friends” or “We have different interests or goals that I think would make a relationship unlikely.” There’s no need to add tension to an already sticky situation by pointing fingers and making the other person feel like the bottom of your shoe.
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4. Stick To Your Guns
As nice as you think you were when rejecting someone, they may not want to hear it. You’ll have to prepare yourself just in case the other person gets upset, is insulted or simply goes off on you. But don’t let it get to you. Just smile and take their questions, disappointment – or sometimes, anger – in stride. Always maintain eye contact and stick to your guns. Don’t let them sucker you into thinking you made a mistake by rejecting them. If they ask you why you aren’t attracted to them, don’t make up something like, “I have a boyfriend,” just to get them off your back. Please don’t say, “Let’s just be friends” if you don’t mean it. Just reiterate that you’re flattered but you don’t see a possible relationship. If they don’t get it, then say thanks and keep it movin’…and maybe get a restraining order.
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5. Do It In Private
Don’t reject someone in front of an audience – that’s just mean. As if being rejected isn’t bad enough, you’ll embarrass the other person and you may make yourself look like an a$$ too. The only way I’d advise rejecting someone in public is if you feel they may get violent and you need witnesses. In that case, do the rejecting in the busiest area of your city…at lunch time.
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6. Do It Face-to-Face
Don’t be a coward. Rejecting someone is never an easy thing, but doing it via text, email, Facebook or any other way other than face to face is just downright wrong. I’m sure it’s tempting, because you don’t want to see the cracked, sad or disappointed look on someone’s face when you tell them you’re not feeling them like that. But rejecting someone under the security of a cell phone or computer screen is just plain tacky. Be respectful, especially if the person is someone you like or admire, just not in “that” way.
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7. Get Straight to the Point
Be nice, be honest and be quick. The sooner you get it over with, the better for both of you. No need to explain yourself until a new world’s been built, and rambling on and on will make you seem unsure of yourself, will only embarrass the both of you more or make them angry. Short and sweet is much kinder, so be direct, be gentle…and the be out!
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8. Don’t Procrastinate
Sometimes we can give subtle hints to someone letting them know that we’re just not that into them hoping they get it. More often than not, I think people do. But then there are those who are oblivious to the fact that you’re not returning their advances or responding to their flirtatious ways. In these cases, it’s best to make the first move and tell them that you’re not interested rather than waiting for them to get a clue. Rip off the band-aid. If you know upfront that you’re not interested, tell the person right then rather than letting time pass and allowing the other person to become attached to you. It’s not fair to them, and the more you put it off, the more upset they’ll be that you wasted their time “leading them on.” If the feelings aren’t mutual, nip it in the bud immediately.
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9. Don’t Give False Hope
Don’t say things like “If I didn’t have a man, I’d totally be into you” or “Maybe in a few months, but I’m just not ready to date now” if that’s not truly how you feel. All you’ll do is have some poor simp waiting for you to either break up with your boyfriend or holding out for those few months hoping you’ll give him a call when you’re back on the dating scene. If you know there’s no chance in hell that you’d ever date this guy, don’t give him any false hope for the future. You’re just playing games at this point, not being a grown woman, so put your big girl panties on and let him know that there’s no chance, no way, no how, not now…not never! Well, in a nice, heartfelt way, of course.
