Mothers are resourceful women. When they’re out running errands and have nothing to use to mash up food for their child, they’ll chew it in their mouth first and give it to their baby. Should they run out of diapers, they’ll swaddle up a blanket and call it a day. And when it comes to whooping a bad child’s behind, the story is no different. A belt may be most parent’s punishment method of choice, but best believe if none is around, a frustrated mother is going to get the job done regardless — most likely using one of these tools.
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Comb/Brush
Ever found yourself on the wrong side of a brush or comb when your mom was trying to get your hair right? It’s so sad being a kid. You’re so naive, you don’t even realize how close you are to a butt whooping when you refuse to sit still and you’re right in between your mother’s legs and she already has something in her hand to easily pop you with. All she had to do was clench her legs around our little bodies in one quick motion and deliver a few good taps and we were out for the count.
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Extension cord
The reality is extension cords are just skinnier, longer, less expensive belts. When you’re a child you don’t see it that way. When your mom walked in the room with an extension cord, you thought she was just plugging in a new appliance, then you heard those fateful words that let you know you were mistaken: “come here.”
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Remote
Thankfully, moms had sense enough not to use this rather large device on any extremity above the waist. But if you acted up while her stories were on, she surely would pop you on the legs with this remote — and you better not cry!
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Newspaper
If a newspaper was the only household item you got popped with in an entire 24 hours you were feeling like Ice Cube, that was a good day. A real good one.
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Ruler
“Stick out your hand!” Whack whack That’s how quick your mama would pop your hands with that ruler out of your bookbag of all places when you couldn’t sit up at the table straight and do your homework like she told you to.
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Wooden spoon
A kitchen should honestly be the last place a child acts up with all the tools in there, but again, being young and dumb you don’t even realize how quickly your mom would grab that big wooden spoon out the drawer and pop you on the first body part she could reach.
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Church fan
Oh yes, you could most definitely still get it in the house of God, and that church fan, folded up, was the next best thing to a belt when you wouldn’t stop running your mouth in the sanctuary. It was either that or getting hit upside the head with a bible.
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Shoe
If a flat or sandal was nearby when you were running around the house like you’d lost your doggone mind, that shoe was quickly about to become your butt’s worse nightmare from then on out.
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Hanger
Mama may look like all she’s doing in picking out her dress for tomorrow, but act up and watch that top go flying off that hanger and that hanger go flying into your backside. Plastic or wood, it didn’t matter. You could get it.
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Purse strap
Curse the manufacturer’s who started making removable purse straps. They essentially gave our mother’s portable belts to tap tap our behinds any chance they got and it didn’t take long for them for them to realize that.
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Pointer broom
Shout out to my Guyanese coworker who just put me on to this torture tools. Apparently belts have nothing on pointer broom’s Caribbean mothers would readily use on their kids to get them to straighten up and get in line.
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Switches
We all know this story goes. Your mom tells you go get a switch, you finally do as she tells you, and then she lays into your backside and you realize all of this could have been avoided if you listened the first time she told you to do or not do something.
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Hand
If you thought you were in the clear to act a fool outside the home because you assumed your mom had nothing to whoop you with, I’m sure you soon found out when all else fails, a fed up mother’s hand is her most accessible weapon for that behind. In fact, it’s worse than any of the other tools of whoop arse destruction because it’s always there and ready to be used.
