Excuse Me?! 9 Awkward Questions That Tend To Rub People The Wrong Way

1. So, What are you?

Whether it’s because of an accent, or because of the texture of your hair, some folks find people who have unique attributes to be “exotic.” Hate that word. But what they don’t realize is that people often get a little ticked off by those who can’t find a better way to form the question of “So, what are you?” My boss says she often gets this question from men more than anybody else (she’s lighter with wavy hair). However, I’ve seen people of all different backgrounds ask my father “What are you?” and “So, how long have you been in America, sir?” because of his Nigerian accent. Unless the conversation is surrounding people’s culture or someone decides to bring it up, I would find a much more subtle way to inquire about one’s background or just wait until they’re comfortable enough to bring it up on their own.

2. What do you do for a living?

This type of question can rub people the wrong way depending on when it is asked. According to my co-workers, if the question is asked early during a conversation with a new individual, it’s rude. Why? Because it seems like the individual is allegedly trying to size you up or compare their accomplishments to your own. Now, if this is brought up in a conversation where you’re vibing well with the other individual and they ask you about your occupation deep into your interaction, then it’s not a big deal. But some would say that if someone isn’t too happy with the work they’re doing or haven’t reached the goals they set for themselves yet, asking one what they do for a living too soon when you really don’t know anything else about them can come off a little disrespectful.

3. Where do you live?

I don’t know about you, but this tends to be an issue in New York. Almost every place in every borough comes with its own preconceived notions. Some good (“Oh you got money!”), some negative (“Oh, so you live in the boonies…”). Certain boroughs  and neighborhoods are tagged with higher crime rates, and other forms of foolery, and while you might avoid all that and live somewhere comfortably and pay a decent rent (which is what keeps you there), some people might pop their eyes wide and make assumptions about you because of it. So the question can get a side-eye from some.

4. How old are you?

This is really touchy. I asked a young woman I hadn’t known for more than like 20 minutes how old she was, only because she alluded to the fact that she was a bit older (despite looking like a 22-year-old). Before she decided to answer, I could tell that she was taken aback, and I felt a little bad…but she did tell us she was 30!

I would just recommend that if no one brings up anything that has to do with age, leaving that topic out of the conversation while getting to know new people is a good idea. And if you’re one of those people who gets bent out of shape about sharing your age, feel free to tell folks you’d rather not say, but please don’t turn up your face and lose your mind if you’re asked. It’s not that deep…we all age.

5. How much is your rent?

Some information just doesn’t need to be divulged to people like that. If you’re asking for help looking for an apartment in a certain area and someone wants to help and asks you about the price range you want to stay in, that’s one thing. But co-workers and even some of your friends (hell, maybe even family) just inquiring is a no-go. If you don’t mind sharing, fine. But asking about rent often gives people too much information about YOUR money and how you’re spending it. If you feel obligated to answer, just keep your answers vague (“Less than $1000!”) or indirect as hell (“My rent is affordable! Not too bad…). That’s all folks need to know…

6. Are you married/Do you have kids?

How awkward is this question!? If it’s not bad enough getting grilled about it from your family members who wonder why they haven’t received a wedding announcement yet, it’s much worse coming from a stranger who you’re not interested in romantically (even then, it’s a little tackalicious). The question of when you’re going to get married, or even worse, when you’re going to have kids as a couple who hasn’t done so yet is something that just really isn’t anybody’s business but yours. And if folks ask you this, just answer, “When God decides I’m ready…and not a minute sooner!”

7. Are you going to the gym?

I’ve been guilty of this honestly, and I didn’t realize it until someone else explained why questions like this piss them off. When a friend of mine decided to go on a health kick, eating better and working out almost daily, I took notice and cheered her on. But when I noticed that she wasn’t going as often, I didn’t realize until later that my constant questions about “Are you going to the gym tonight?” and jokes about her cheating on her diet for fast food were intrusive and putting unnecessary pressure on her when she probably was already putting enough on herself. That wasn’t my place or my business. So unless you’re trying to hit the gym with them, you shouldn’t ask and become their unofficial trainer.

8. What’s going on with your hair?

This is extremely rude, especially since it gives the impression that something looks off about your style. Any questions about your mane that seem negative (“When are you getting it done again?”) don’t make people feel good and should be kept as a thought and not a spoken statement. This type of question is especially bogus when it is asked in front of other people and unwanted attention goes to your head.

9. Oh, YOU go to church?

Yes, people ask this. A colleague of mine has done this to people more than once. One time she caught me and my good friend on the train while she was on the way to the gym and we were on our way back from church one Sunday. When we told her we had just left service she said with a sense of shock and awe, “OH! YOU go to church??” We said yes, and in response she said “Wow, that’s interesting.” While I didn’t think too deeply into it, my friend was a little offended. “Why did she say it like that?” She would do this often to others (“Oh, you pray?”) not to be an a** but because she really wanted to know. She didn’t realize that the way she asked the question, she made us look like we had been heathens. In the end, my friend found a way to let her know her questions were posed in a somewhat of a rude manner, and she’s since slowed down on all her religious awe and curiosity. Well, at least for now…