He’s yours now, but he used to be hers. Or, perhaps he never was, but she had designs on that, and you came along and messed that all up for her. Now, she’s calling, facebooking, tweeting, texting and finding other ways to violate your time. What to do? Resist the urge to hit her with the “Beyotch, I will snatch you bald” cease and desist order you may want to give and instead, consider a few of these socially responsible tips for handling a case of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s annoying ex/wannabe.
1) Be Reasonable: Yes, it would be ideal if all extraneous, non-essential women (meaning: moms, aunts, siblings, first cousins, lesbians and trustworthy homegirls only) stopped contacting your man the moment you established that you wanted him to be your man, but the world doesn’t revolve around you. But you can’t get upset or concerned every time a woman reaches out to your dude. He had a life before you and there isn’t a “Malik’s got a woman now” automatic text that goes out to all his ex flames. Relax! His last girlfriend might still have a thang for him, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he has any designs on getting that old thing back.
2) Be Respectful: If you automatically assume that contact from other women is a sign that your partner is doing wrong, then he or she may very well take that personally. Here’s the downside: even if they ARE doing wrong, they might still be offended. You should trust the person you are dating, so don’t go clowning on him or her immediately. You have the right to ask questions (“Does Sarah want to get back together with you? Does she know about me?”), but if you go straight to angry (“Sarah calling? OH, SHE DONT KNOW YOU GOT A WOMAN NOW? You wanna be back with her, then don’t let the door hit you where the Lord split ya! HOLLA!”), you might be setting yourself up for a fall that has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.
3) Make Clear Your Expectations: If you want your partner to make it plain for all others that you are in a relationship now, then say that. Don’t assume that he or she is automatically answering all calls from exes with “Hi, Melissa’s boyfriend speaking, what can I do for you? And by that, I mean ‘nothing’, as I am now Melissa’s“. Ask him to put it out there that he’s in a relationship and if he’s doing right, he’s probably not going to argue with you there. Now, if he flat out refuses to tell Big Butt Keisha that he’s got a new lady friend, you might have a problem.
4) Watch AND Listen: If your girl runs out the room as soon as her ex’s name comes up on the caller ID, well, that probably isn’t good. If she sits in front of you and has a very reasonable conversation, then she might not be trying to hide anything. And, if she has told you that you are the only one that she wants to be with, then you should take her at her word so long as her actions seem to match that.
5) Follow Your Gut, But Use Your Brain: You should have some semblance of understanding of the difference between reasonable contact (the ex who he remains cordial with calling to wish him a happy birthday), questionable contact (the one who broke his heart coming back out of nowhere with a barrage of phone calls) and flat out unacceptable contact (recurrent 3am “What you doing?” text messages). Trust your lover as much as you can, but don’t be a fool. If you are where he truly wants to be, he’ll make that known. If he’s not to be believed, he’ll show you that too.
