Actions You Should Not Take on Facebook If You're Over 25

Trifling. Trifling. And more trifling. That’s how to describe some of these grown-behind adults on Facebook who don’t know how to control their emotions–or act their age in a social media setting. It does NOT matter one lick if you access Facebook in your drawers or behind closed doors, you STILL need to maintain your decorum and curb the foolishness if you’re going to interact with your peers (and other normal human beings) in the same space. Now, if you only have psycho friends, then read no further. Maybe you all can enjoy your “psycho-Facebook and psycho-Twitter” interactions together. But, if you want to have some sense about yourself, here are a few actions you should NOT take on Facebook if you’re over the age of 25.

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1) Choosing “it’s complicated” as your relationship status

Uhm…after age 25, you’re a grown man, or a grown woman. You have no business selecting “it’s complicated” as your Facebook status unless you’re 12, and haven’t learned what you want and don’t want in life. You either are, or are not, in a relationship. Moving right along.

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2) Posing with money

If you have to pose with money in your Facebook pictures or profile pictures, chances are you have a complex because you don’t have a job, are not rich, and likely never will be after any potential employer sees you acting the fool with dirty dollars on the Internets. SMDH.

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3) Changing your FB middle name to ‘I don’t give-a’ or ‘MahoganyBoobs’ or ‘Eff-U-Haterz’

Not sure whom you’re angry at, or why, but no need to be overly blasphemous about your government name. If your name is Sheila Bequila Johnson, that is fine. Go by that. But no one needs to know too much more if you’re over 25. Nobody needs to know via your full name how much mahogany you have in your boobs, how good you are in bed, or why you have soOOoOo many haters. * side eye *

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4) Having Internet beef

Please do not go on anybody’s Facebook wall and act like a jackass if you are grown. Do not write cuss words, or easy-to-guess comments like “I hate Phonda Hose” (when we all know you are talking about “Shonda Rose”) on any part of Facebook. Doing so is childish, and if you are over the age of 25, you are not what? A child.

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5) Boasting about how much you drank last night

Those were college days when you slept with your roommate for fun and flashed your university professor. I repeat: college days. Whether or not you in fact went to college, you know better than to be writing about how you gulped down keg after keg of alcohol with your boo or your crew–on Facebook. Please know better if you don’t know better.

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6) Spelling words in a way that suggests you hate dictionaries

No, like seriously – what is wrong with writing “like” instead of “lyk?” Must you abbreviate every single word you have you in your diction after the age of 25? Get over it: you are grown. Take your sweet time and spell things the way an educated person with sense would spell them. Using those abbreviations are fine here and there, but dont<– leave out apostrophes or write donkey butt just because you’re trying to be “cool.” You never know who may be looking to hire — and it ain’t gonna be someone who can’t spell for nothing.

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7) Announcing every inch of your relationship

Not sure what the remedy would be for someone who just loooves to go on and on about his or her relationship on Facebook – except maybe somebody throwing a bucket of ice on your head if you are that person. Do we care that you and your loved one just farted at the same time in public? We sure do not. Keep your mouth shut and your butt even shutter. You are grown.

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8. Carrying on a pretend life

If you’ve never been in V.I.P or popped a bottle of Moet in your life, please stop the madness? Stop creating the illusion within social spaces that you are a celebrity and you have paparazzi following you everywhere taking pictures–cos we know that’s just your cousin Jojo. And we know you live in a studio on Crenshaw. With roaches. Do better. Grow up. Be more financially responsible. And humble. Next.

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9) Hating on the opposite sex ALL the daggone time!

Geez louise, we all know that the opposite sex isn’t all a bed of roses, but if you’re over 25 and you’re still pounding on them every second–especially in your FB status–maybe the problem is YOU. Just saying. Put the weapons down…and let God.

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10) Tagging other people in embarrassing photos and unnecessary little quizzes, tests, games, and crappity craps…

It’s bad enough that YOU have saved a whole bunch of hot-mess photos and are willing to compromise YOURself, but please…let the other folk who want to grow up and be somebody not fall victim to your “nostalgia.” Mmmkay? We may have acted the fool together once upon a time, but I don’t need you tagging my 1998 picture and blowing up my spot. I have moved forward. You should too.

What are some of the other actions people should NOT take on Facebook if they are over 25?

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