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If you’re a fan of many reality shows, lately it seems that at least ONE man from a series or two has been accused of being on the DL. If you watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta, that accusation was hurled at Walter. If you watch Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, K. Michelle has accused both Kurt and Mimi’s new man of being gay. Regardless of society’s acceptance of homosexuality, it seems accusing a woman’s man of being gay is an outright sign of disrespect. However, it’s an even bigger blow if the accusation turns out to be true. We’ve seen it with Terry McMillan and Dina McGreevey, both of whose ex-husbands later revealed that they were, indeed, gay.

I often wondered how a woman could not know that her man is gay. While we stereotypically view gay men as flamboyant, cross dressing wannabe females, not all gay men display what are typically considered to be “gay tendencies.” Some gay men, like recently out-of-the-closet NBA player Jason Collins, are your average, athletic, masculine men who date women. Even Jason Collins’ ex said she had no idea that he was gay. So what is a woman with broken “gaydar” to do? There is no sure-fire way to tell if your man might secretly be into men, but here are a few clues that you might want to look out for if you have your suspicions.

Effeminate Tendencies

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1. Effeminate Tendencies

Let’s be clear: not all men who display effeminate qualities are gay. But most men are aware of things women typically do…and try to avoid doing them. If he walks with a sway like a woman would, or has a “dainty” way about him that seems to comes naturally, you might want to keep an eye open. Again, some men simply have a “way” about them that comes off as feminine, but you know the difference between feminine and secretly wanting to be a girl.

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2. Overly Sensitive

Again, just because a man is sensitive like Ralph Tresvant doesn’t mean he’s gay and honestly, most women wish their men were a bit more caring and affectionate. But if your man is overly emotional and cries at the drop of a hat, then I can see why he might get the side eye. One can’t automatically assume that a man who expresses himself in an emotional way is homosexual, just like we can’t make the assumption that a “manly-man” is straight. A man who is gentle and caring is a great catch, but an overly sensitive man may be one of several indicators that he prefers men over women. Not a fact, just an observation.

Guy on Guy Adult Videos

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3. Guy on Guy Adult Videos

The first two examples given could go either way, but a man who watches gay male adult videos should be a flashing signal that your man might be gay. Whether he watches it openly or you “discover” it, you may want to ask him what his fascination is with watching men have sex. It’s one thing to “stumble” across it while searching through adult video sites, and another to actually enjoy watching it regularly. The main reason people watch adult videos is to become aroused, so if watching other men have sex excites him, you probably have an answer as to whether or not your man is gay.

Homophobic Behavior

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4. Homophobic Behavior

Sure, there are some men who are turned off by homosexuality, but they usually can keep their feelings to themselves and keep it moving. As long as no gay men hit on them or disrespect them in any way, they’re cool – and probably even have gay friends. But if your man displays extremely homophobic behavior when none is warranted, then he could be hiding something.

Sometimes, down low men try to lash out at other gay men to take the suspicion off of themselves. By making “gay” jokes or if he seems particularly angry towards gay men or their behavior for no apparent reason, he could be trying to throw you off his scent.

He Cross-dresses

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5. He Cross-dresses

Some men can try to put on his woman’s clothes as a joke, but not too many straight men find any humor in that. I’m not saying a man who wears a dress because he’s playing a woman in a movie is gay. I’m talking about the guy you catch wearing your teddy, bra, panties, blouses and your lipstick when you come home early unexpectedly. That dude. Again, he may just have some freaky fantasies, but he also could secretly wish he was a woman too.

Flirts With Men

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6. Flirts With Men

I don’t know one straight man that ogles or flirts with other men, so this just seems like an obvious one to me. Sure, your man may be friendly towards everyone, but if he seems overly complimentary of a guy’s physical appearance, touches them or winks at another dude even if he says he’s just being “playful” – run for the hills.

Calls From Men

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7. Calls From Men

Most women know who their man’s male friends are and your man talking to them regularly on the phone is no big deal. But if he gets a ridiculous amount of calls from random men that you don’t know or that he’s never mentioned to you before, it might be time to put up a red flag. If these are not business calls, but seemingly lingering or personal calls, I’d be a bit concerned and ask him about it.

One “Special” Friend

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8. One “Special” Friend

It’s not weird for a man to have a best friend. But if he spends more alone time with one particular man than he does with you, that’s cause for concern. If they go out to watch the game every week or play basketball, cool. But if they’re holed up somewhere for hours at a time or seem to take several vacations together that don’t include you and another woman, you might want to consider that they have a level of intimacy that goes above a “bromance.” Most men save that time for their woman, not their male friend. You’ll just have to go with your gut on this one, so if you think something is up, it probably is.

Not Interested in Sex…With You

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9. Not Interested in Sex…With You

Admittedly, this one is a little trickier to decipher. Most men don’t have a problem getting “excited” for a little bedroom action so if it seems like your man is never in the mood to be with you anymore, you might want to see if there’s a problem. It could a mental or physical health issue like tiredness, depression or even, erectile dysfunction.  That could actually be the case but let’s be honest: someone cheating will use any excuse before telling the truth. So you’ll have to watch his actions too. If he seems to be in good spirits and his health is okay but doesn’t want to be intimate with you, he could be be cheating. There’s no way you’re going to know if he’s cheating with a man or woman but if your red flag has gone up on anything else I’ve mentioned then there’s a slight chance he could be cheating with a man. Now, unless you feel you’re 100 percent correct in this, I wouldn’t suggest adding tension to your relationship by accusing him of being gay. But if you think you have enough “evidence,” drop that bomb and see what happens. Your instincts are probably right.