Let Your Man Be A Man: Ways You’re Emasculating Him Without Even Knowing It
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For the most part, you don’t aim to emasculate your man. You know by now that that only leads to trouble in the bedroom. However, out of our natural nurturing tendencies, or our overly active honesty, sometimes we can emasculate our men without even knowing it.
Bragging on your friend’s boyfriend
Example: “Samantha’s boyfriend got her a new car!” For men, being a provider equals being a man. Even if you’re not upset that your man can’t give you a new car, simply hearing about another man providing something he can’t give you with will deflate your man’s ego.
Doing too much with your eyes
Men pay a lot of attention to a woman’s eyes. If you roll your eyes at something your man says, appear bored or disengaged, or just deprive him of eye contact, you could tamper with his confidence. Sometimes we do these things without even realizing it, so stay conscious!
Dressing down
Perhaps you stop dressing up around your guy because you feel comfortable around him, but men can read this as you no longer feeling very passionate about them. Men do not equate comfort with being sexually attracted to somebody.
Offering conditional compliments
Does it really matter if the dinner he slaved for hours to make you is a little cold? Does it really matter if the dress he bought you is one size too big? Just say thank you, and exchange the dress in secret. Women can over share their thoughts sometimes, and make men feel they don’t appreciate what they do for them. Focus on the good he did for you, not the better he could have done.
Sugarcoating his shortcomings
Your man does not need to hear things like, “I know you don’t have the energy to have sex every day, and that’s okay…” or “I know you’re not in a place to pay for an anniversary trip right now, and that’s okay…” This is so emasculating to men. You’re pointing out what they’re incapable of and then you’re coddling them. Just don’t say anything about the shortcoming. If you’re truly “okay’ with it, then there’s nothing to say.
Failing to need him
You may be afraid of being too needy, so you learn to do absolutely everything yourself and never ask for your man’s help. But he isn’t thinking, “Nice! I don’t have to do anything!” He is thinking, “I guess I’m useless here…” Keep a healthy amount of things you need help with, and ask him for that help.
Making a big deal about his failure to perform
The best thing to say when your man fails to perform in the bedroom is nothing at all. Turn on his favorite TV show. Go make both of you a snack. Reiterating, “It’s okay! It’s totally fine! There is nothing to be embarrassed about!” makes him feel like a little kid who couldn’t hit the ball at batting practice being babied by his mom.
Leading questions
Men are outright with one another when they’re upset. They just tell each other, “I don’t like that you did this.” And they respect that kind of communication. But women often try to soften the blow by beating around the bush of what they’re angry about, and asking leading questions such as, “Honey…do you like it when I don’t pay attention to something you’re talking about?” Or “How does it feel when I forget important things in your life?” This is similar to how kindergarten teachers educate their pupil! If you’re mad at your man, just tell him that. He really doesn’t want the gold star for figuring it out himself.
Leaving him out of child rearing
If you and your partner have children together—or even a pet—let your partner step up when something needs to be handled. Don’t brush him off and say, “I’ll take care of it” when he has a suggestion on how to take care of the living being you’re raising together. You may know (and even know better) how to be a parent, but your partner needs to feel that you see him as an authority figure over your child (or pet!) as well.
Putting your relationships with your friends first
Of course you have friends and family who’ve known you long before your partner came into the picture. But like it or not when something comes up you need to talk about, you just have to fill your partner in on the backstory, catch him up to speed, and let him try to help. Constantly reminding him there are people who have known you longer than he has, will make him feel like he’ll never be caught up.
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Nitpicking in front of others
It’s okay to tell your guy he needs a haircut, or that his size 32 pants don’t fit him anymore. But don’t say these things in front of others. You should always be on your man’s side, not only in helping him be a better man, but in keeping his hard work private and behind the scenes: the public only needs to see the results.
Being a downer designated driver
It’s generous of you to offer to be the designated driver when your boyfriend wants to toss back a few drinks. But making comments on how silly he is being while drunk, or making him feel he needs to be “babysat” not only ruins his good time and makes him self conscious each time he sips his beer, it makes you look like a parent—not a girlfriend. He was responsible enough to not drink and drive, so be a good sport and encourage his fun.
Telling him you faked it
Maybe you’re not totally satisfied in the bedroom. Bringing that up to your man is fine. But when he says, “I thought you had an last time…” never, ever say, “I faked it.” You can say, “I was really enjoying myself—yes—but I didn’t climax.” But don’t discredit the pleasure you seemed to be having by saying, “I faked it.” Then he’ll never trust another sound you make in bed.
Making adjustments for him
If your guy needs his tie adjusted, or has a stain on his shirt, tell him. Don’t fix it for him. It’s not only highly embarrassing for him, but even for onlookers, when you treat him like someone who can’t take care of himself.
