Girl, Take it Easy! 9 Impulsive Moves That Could Ruin a Relationship

1. Telling Too Much Too Soon

First dates are not the time to divulge information about deep dark family secrets, traumatic childhoods, crazy baby daddy drama or that you’re currently in bankruptcy. I know honesty is the best policy, but there is a time and a place for everything; giving up all of this information too soon can send a potential new man running. Get to know each other first and then open up to him slowly. Now if you suffer from bipolar disorder and are on medication, then that might be something he should know upfront. If you have children, then yes, tell him. It’s not about keeping secrets from him that he’ll eventually find out anyway; it’s moreso about gauging each other’s interest so you can determine if he’s someone you want to move forward with and you can trust with delicate or sensitive information. Giving all of your baggage to him all at once could spook him, so take it slow and ease into the relationship until you determine that he’s a strong enough man to handle anything you throw at him.

2. Sex

The most common thing men and women do too fast in new relationships is have sex. While having sex on the first date might not be as taboo as it once was, there is still something to be said for getting to know someone – and their sexual health status – before jumping into bed. If you want to just release some pent-up sexual energy, then by all means, go for it. But if you’re looking to get into a serious relationship, make sure he’s on the same page so that you don’t become too invested too soon by catching feelings. Women release a hormone called oxytocin when having an “O,” which gives women that “bonding” feeling with the man she has sex with. If she has sex too soon, she could experience the feeling of being “in love” when that may not be the case. Some men also experience a false sense of closeness after being intimate with a woman, so he may also think he’s in love when he isn’t.  Men have chemical reactions to, although most of them released just makes them go to sleep! If you’re looking for a commitment, take some time to get to know each other before having sex so that you know that the bond you feel is based on compatibility, mutual respect and real love for one another. Sex doesn’t create the bond, it only enhances it.

3. Putting All Your Eggs in One Basket

When you meet a great guy, it can actually be a bit surprising and refreshing – especially if you feel the dating pickins are slim. So it’s understandable to want to “lock him down” and cut yourself off from meeting any other guys…even if you’ve only been seeing the new guy for a week. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket too soon. It’s okay to date a few guys at a time, even if you’re feeling one more than the other. Many times, some women start practicing saying her first name with his last name or envisioning what their future children will look like after only three dates; meanwhile, he’s been on three dates with three other women while dating you. Until you both have a discussion about exclusivity and a monogamous commitment, don’t rule out meeting and dating other men until you’re sure you’re both in it 100 percent. Otherwise, you could find yourself the odd woman out if he’s determined that you’re not the one and you’re left with no prospects in sight. Date and have fun!

4. Meeting Family and Friends

It’s understandable to want to show off your new man and get your friends’ and family’s approval. You think he’s great, so you want to share your wonderful new relationship with the world. I get it. But introducing him to family and friends prematurely could freak him out if he’s not ready to take it to the next level just yet. Introducing him to a few friends at first to get their read on him may not be a bad idea, but take your time before you bring him home to meet the folks. Meeting a person’s family can add a lot of tension or pressure to a new relationship, so make sure you’ve been dating for a while and ask him how he feels about meeting your family before throwing him into the fire. Conversely, if you’re not comfortable meeting his friends and family just yet, tell him that you want to wait a while. Don’t rush it. It should be a decision you both make together, when the time is right for both of you.

5. Breakup

Everyone argues in a relationship, and it’s understandable to get angry at your partner from time to time. But not every indiscretion requires a breakup or the threat of one. So he came home late one night after hanging with his friends – it’s not a big deal. He didn’t notice your new haircut or he forgot to call you back after you texted him for the fifth time for no apparent reason. Sometimes we are so afraid of losing someone that we subconsciously find reasons to be angry with him in order to push him away and break up with him before he has a chance to leave us first. Sabotaging a relationship before it has had a chance to develop is a defense mechanism some people use to keep from getting hurt. If you find that you’re always ready to break up after the slightest disagreement, you’re probably carrying some unresolved issues with you that need to be dealt with before you can be in a healthy relationship.

6. Accusing Him of Cheating

Speaking of unresolved issues, if you think every man is a lying, cheating dog, then it’s probably not a good idea to start dating until you’ve resolved your issues. Bringing that baggage into any relationship isn’t fair to the new guy who has to deal with you accusing him of cheating every moment that he’s out of your sight. Trust, it won’t be long before your insecurities send him running in the other direction. If you have no real reason to believe that your man is stepping out on you yet find yourself saying things like, “you’re probably out looking at other women” or “you don’t want me, you want to be with someone else,” all you’re going to do is make him wonder why he IS with you. Seek counseling if you have to in order to avoid this pattern in any new relationships so that you can give it a fair chance to flourish.

7. Moving in Together

When you first start dating and are falling in love, it’s easy to see how a couple could be joined at the hip. You’re enjoying each other’s company so much that you may determine that moving in together is the only thing that makes sense. After all, this ensures that you can be together all the time. The only problem with that? You’re together all the time and the novelty of the new relationship could wear off very quickly if you’ve suddenly discovered that your new boo is getting on your last nerve and you need space. It’s one thing to spend the night on the weekends and command a drawer for toiletries that you leave at each other’s place. But once you have to share one space, determine whose stuff stays and goes and who will do which chores, space could get tight real quick. Next thing you know you’re at each other’s throats because you never knew living with the person you’re in love with could get on your nerves so much. Take time to learn about the little things so that you can determine if he or she is someone you can actually co-habitate with; otherwise, you could be in for a rude awakening and a drastic end to your relationship.

8. Eloping

Eloping, by definition, means to run away with your lover with the intention of getting married. There is nothing wrong with that if you’re trying to save money or don’t want to be bogged down with the details of a wedding. But it is believed that most people who elope do so on a whim or on a wave of romantic feelings that may be short-lived. If you’re in Vegas and find the idea of a drive-thru chapel appealing after a night of drinking and partying, you might wake up the next day regretting your decision like a scene from The Hangover. Getting married too soon could be a mistake if all you want is to be married without considering that you actually have a responsibility of being a wife or a husband. Marriage is a serious commitment that shouldn’t be entered into lightly, so think twice before you run down to City Hall and marry someone you’ve only known for six months, because the honeymoon could be over sooner than you think.

9. Having a Baby

Sometimes people put their need for a family before their judgment, especially if they think their biological clock is ticking. This goes for men too. Some people want to be parents so bad that they settle down with the next person they meet so that they can get married – or not – and have a baby. Some women may even think they love a man because they can see him being a great father without even stopping to think that he might not make a good partner.

The other mistake men and women may make might not have anything to do with wanting a baby, but simply being lazy or irresponsible when it comes to birth control. If he doesn’t want children and you get pregnant anyway because you both failed to protect yourselves, it could ruin your relationship because it forces you both to deal with a pregnancy before the relationship is built on a solid foundation. Getting pregnant or having a baby with someone you barely know can spell disaster for a new relationship, so make sure you strap up or use some form of contraception in the early stages of a relationship until you’re sure that parenthood is something you both want to embark on…together.