Ex in the City: The Do’s and Don’t’s Of What To Do When Running Into An Ex! - Page 9
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As someone who shares the same city with an ex or two, I’ve always imagined what it would be like to bump into one on the train or at an event. But as big as NYC is, it took a couple of years before I actually ran into one of my exes. When it finally happened, I was totally fine with it. There was no real awkward moment; we both had moved on and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
But that may not be the case for most people who share a city with an ex. You could run into each other at a mutual friend’s party, at a concert, Starbucks – at anytime, anywhere. You could experience a full range of emotions and depending on how the breakup went down or how the other person reacts, it could be pleasant…or you could want to stab him in the eye with one of your high heels.
There are a million possibilities as to how you’ll feel, but there should be one overall way to react. If you have an ex in the city, a run-in may be inevitable – especially if you share mutual friends – so here are some Do’s and Don’ts on how to behave when you run into your ex.
1. DO Accept the Awkwardness
Expecting a run-in with an ex after a bitter breakup to be sweet is like expecting water not to be wet. It may be contentious, or just weird, so accept it. Don’t pressure yourself to feel nothing or something that isn’t there, because most likely he feels the same way. It’s natural and okay to want to disappear so that you don’t have to deal with it. But that feeling is only temporary, so just roll with it.
2. DON’T Run
Yes you want to duck and hide, but don’t. If you saw him, that means he saw you. Or someone else saw you see him. While taking flight may be your first reaction, it makes you look silly…or pathetic. Stay put and be confident. Be strong!
3. DO Say Hello
Okay, so you saw him and he saw you – now what? It makes no sense for you both to pretend like you didn’t see the other, unless of course you wish he would just die already. But if your split was amicable or there are no more hard feelings, by all means, go say hello. Be the bigger person, walk over to him and say hi and ask him how he’s doing. I’m not saying get all into his business about what he’s been up to since you two split, but just say hi in order to get it out of the way so you can proceed with having a good time or getting on your way. It’ll show him how mature and confident you are (and how weak he is for trying to avoid you).
4. DON’T Talk To Him or About Him Too Much
Say hi, be classy and keep it moving. Make that man think you have better places to be and better things to do with your time. This also keeps you from saying something stupid and making yourself look like an A$$. And don’t talk to everyone else about him either. If you go around talking to your friends about how awkward it is that he’s here, it’ll get back to him – and it may make your friends feel weird too. They’ll think you’re not over it. Don’t say, “Oh, I’m SOOO over him” but then proceed to talk about him and his ugly date all night. No one cares. And if they DO ask you about him or how you feel, play it off. No one will make a big deal out of it if you don’t.
5. Don’t Talk About the Past
If you are forced to be in the same room with each other, limit the small talk to current events, the weather, work – anything else but the two of you. Don’t ask him why he was such a jerk or why he broke your heart. That stuff is over with and in the past. If he brings up your relationship, politely tell him that you’d rather leave all of that behind you and change the subject. It’s probably not the place or the time to discuss all of that anyway, and even if it’s just the two of you, leave it be and let it go. Talking about the old relationship can either bring up bitter feelings or send you back down a path you don’t want to go down. It’s over for a reason, remember that.
6. Don’t Talk About Your New Man
I know you may be tempted to throw your new man all up in your ex’s face, but the more you talk about your new man, the more you’ll sound like a bitter ex who is only using her new man to make the old one jealous. If that’s actually what you’re trying to do, not only are you being an immature little girl, you’re not being fair to your new guy and you look thirsty in the process. Trying to impress your old guy by going on and on about your new one indicates that you still care what the ex thinks, which means you’re not completely over him. The less he knows about your new man, the better. If he asks if you’re seeing anyone new, just say you’ve moved on to a great guy and keep it at that. His imagination will fill in the rest of the details himself and he’ll wonder how he ever let you go.
7. DO Look GOOD!
What better way to make him feel like the idiot he is than by reminding him what he’s missing out on? If you plan on bumping into him at a party or common meeting ground, accentuate all of your best assets and knock him dead! But that only works if you know there’s a chance you might see him. Now, you may run into him at the grocery store with your sweats on and a scarf on your head. In that case, just be extra charming and act like nothing is bothering you – because after all, you’re amazing no matter what you have on. No matter what you look like, be sweet and engaging. Confidence is hot.
8. DO Be Nice to His Date
Okay, so you see him on the street approaching you and he has a girl on his arm. If you’re still angry or not over him completely, this is not the time or place to act a fool. I know you want to punch her in the face or accidentally spill your drink on her, but don’t do it. You’ll just look like a bitter and childish b**ch. Don’t cut her any dirty looks or be rude under any circumstances. Kill them with kindness and then walk away. If at a social gathering, go talk to someone else and meet new people. Move away and move on. If you must be catty about it, at least wait until later to talk to your friends about how ugly she was and how she’s nowhere near as cute as you are. But grown women take it on the chin with her big girl panties on – so don’t lower your standards by behaving badly for anyone.
9. DON’T Flirt With Him
No backsies. If the relationship is supposed to be over then let it be over! Besides, it may make you look desperate and make him feel more awkward than he already does – especially if he’s there with someone else or trying to let you down easy because he’s not feeling you anymore. Besides, you don’t want him back anyway remember? Don’t give him the satisfaction of even batting an eyelash at him. He had his chance. Let him go.
The bottom line is, you’re bound to run into an ex if you live in the same town/city, so deal with it. It’s life. Whether it was a bitter break up or not, all you have to do is remember why you’re not with the ex in the first place. Sure, seeing someone may make you want them back, especially if they’re looking great and happy. But you broke up for a reason…so let it go. You can’t hide forever, nor should you expect your ex to. You can’t always control where or when you run into your ex, but you can control how you act when you do…no matter how you feel. Living a happy life is the best revenge, so if you focus on YOU after a breakup, seeing him or her again – no matter when or where – will be no big deal.
