Even the healthiest relationship isn’t balanced at all times; there may be spaces where you are giving 60% to your partner’s 40 and others where you might just find your capacity to receive to be far greater than your ability to give. However, if one person is consistently making all the effort and sacrifices, then your romance may be headed in a dangerous direction. Here are a couple of things you want to be mindful of while making sure your love is symbiotic, not parasitic:
1) Sweet Surrender: When in the midst of a heated debate or conflict, who typically resigns to accept defeat? Do you typically find yourself giving up your stance or your desires in order to please your partner? Or are you constantly grinding your heels in the ground until you get your way? Both parties should have the maturity, grace and commitment to the relationship to be big enough to say “You win” or “Let’s try it your way”.
2) What Have You Done For Me Lately?: Are you the thoughtful type who goes overboard for birthdays, makes special plans for anniversaries and keeps your lover pampered on a regular basis? Well unfortunately, that doesn’t entitle you to a partner who behaves the same way. However, if you are constantly on ‘give’ mode, while your baby does nothing but come to you with outstretched arms–you aren’t exactly walking in the light of equality. If even your willingness to serve doesn’t inspire some reciprocity from someone who might not be so naturally inclined towards being so giving, then you should probably go on and admit that your situation isn’t a balanced one.
3) What About Your Friends?: If your friends know your boo’s middle name, but his or her peeps don’t seem to know you exist…need I say more?
4) Is Word Bond? If you find yourself breaking your neck to keep your word to your mate, yet they cannot be found when it’s time to make good on their promises to you (i.e. missing a major event at your community center or bailing on a double date), then you might just be going harder in the love paint than your chosen one. Someone who cares about you will find letting you down to be a difficult, even if inevitable, task.
5) Who Is She And What Is She To You? If you have already tossed your little black book, only to find that your sweetie is still keeping up with the other flames he or she may have entertained prior to you, then you seem to be offering a bit more space in your heart than they are willing to allow to you. The presence of others doesn’t always mean that your lover doesn’t care about you, but it is certainly not ideal to have one person who is willing to give up all the other folks, while the other is still attempting to play the streets.
If your love is looking a little lopsided, that doesn’t mean you have to give it up and turn it loose immediately; depending on the situation, a chat with your partner can inspire them to step it up and meet your work with some effort of their own. Or, you may find that you are simply jumping the gun and giving too much too soon. However, if the flags are all looking red and you seem to be on the losing end of a trade that involves everything you have for little more than a little affection, then don’t be afraid to see the writing on the wall and disengage. Remember, you deserve someone who is happy to have you and willing to do the work to keep the relationship strong.
