Let’s face it, no one wants to deal with a partner’s ex. Unfortunately, there are instances where interaction with the ex is inevitable, especially if they share children. It would be nice if everyone involved could just get along, or at least be civil – but we all know that isn’t always the case. Sometimes women are just mad that there is an ex in the picture, so immaturity may be the reason a woman doesn’t like her man’s ex – especially if she’s done nothing to you. But if you feel that his ex is up to no good, watch out for these signs that may indicate that not only is she not over him, but looking to wreck your relationship as well.
1. She Has No Boundaries
If his ex comes by his or your shared house unannounced, calls at inappropriate hours of the day or is generally all up and through your man’s life in every way, shape or form, she needs to be checked. If they share a child, it’s easy to see how she might feel entitled to call at midnight to discuss the child. However, unless the child is in danger at that hour, there is no reason to call that late other than to disrupt his time with you. It’s important that your man set the ground rules for her so that she knows that she can no longer intrude on his life –whether he has a new woman in it or not. If he doesn’t, you’ll always feel like he’s attached to another woman, which is what his ex wants. Decide if you can deal with an ex who knows no boundaries – and a man who hasn’t laid down the law with her – before you go any further with him.
2. She Breaks the Rules
It’s one thing to try to set rules so that boundaries established, but it’s another when she breaks rules set by a court or a judge. Say your man has a restraining order against her, yet she still manages to find herself within 100 yards of his home or his job. Mayne the court orders joint custody and visitation, yet she continually ignores it in order to keep the kids away from him. These types of people violate legal orders with no regard to their children’s or their own well-being. If this is the case, make sure you both document all instances where she ignores court orders in case he need to present them to a judge one day and you need to build your own case against her in order to get her to comply.
3. She’s a Busy Body
Some exes “pretend” to be friendly and civil under the guise of simply being nosy. Is she always up in your business, asking about your future plans or what you guys did over the weekend? If so, she’s trying to find an “in” – maybe to gather information to use against you or him later in order to sabotage your relationship, or simply to stay in his life in any way she can. If she’s moved on, she has no reason to know what you two are up to each and every day. You can be cordial without divulging all of your personal information to her. Make sure he knows not to share personal information as well, no matter how “cool” she may seem.
4. She Speaks Ill of You
If she spreads rumors about you to mutual friends, tries to poison your man’s mind with lies about you or speaks negatively about you to the kids, then this chick is toxic. If you’re not careful, this behavior can end up destroying your relationship, so you both need to put a stop to it aggressively before this happens. Form a united front so that she can see that you and your man ain’t having it.
5. She Pushes Up on Him
One sure-fire way his ex may try to sabotage your relationship is by trying to hit on your man every chance she gets. After all, he was attracted to her at some point, so perhaps she’s hoping to rekindle a flame by using her feminine ways on him. Even if it doesn’t work, she may constantly put him in compromising situations to the point where you start to doubt him and end the relationship simply because you don’t want to deal with the drama. It takes a secure woman and a lot of trust in your man to deal with this type of behavior, but it’s up to your man to make sure he stays away from her, even with kids involved.
6. She Blatantly Disrespects You
All of the aforementioned behaviors could be viewed as disrespectful, but by blatant I mean “to your face.” If his ex has ever called you out of your name, insulted you directly or even simply ignored you or refused to acknowledge you as the new woman in his life, she is out of pocket. I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t stoop to her level by coming back at her. Ignoring her ignorance is the best way to combat it because you won’t be giving her what she wants: a reaction. Let him handle her. If he doesn’t, he’s not the man you want anyway.
7. She is Always Bringing up Their Past Relationship
If this woman frequently takes you down memory lane when it comes to their old relationship, she’s trying to get in your head. Saying things like “we used to do this” or “when we were together” is her way of comparing their relationship to yours so that you feel insecure or inferior. It’s a form of competition. She may even criticize your current relationship as unstable in comparison to theirs, which again, is another way of trying to sabotage your union. Ignore it. It’s childish and desperate; there’s no reason to play into it because really, if their relationship was so great, they’d still be in one.
8. She Blames You and Your Man For Her Problems
If they share a child and she has physical custody, she may be resentful that she has to do a lot of the heavy lifting when it comes to parenting. If this is the case, you two will always be to blame for her having to do it alone, even if your man is a present and active father. If she still wants him, she’ll be angry that he isn’t there day in and day out helping her because he’s with you. Nothing he does will ever be good enough, no amount of time or money he gives will ever be sufficient and you will just be viewed as the reason for her misery. If she feels you two are living the good life, while she has no life at all, she will try her best to make your lives hell…because misery loves company.
9. She Blames You For Their Breakup
Now this one will be hard for her to get over, especially if your man did leave her in order to be with you. Home wreckers don’t get much sympathy from folks, so she may be bitter for a long time. But if their relationship was already on the outs, or completely over when you came into the picture, this is something that she’ll just have to learn to get over in time. If you didn’t cause their breakup, there’s no reason to feel guilty about anything and you should simply let her be in her own feelings for a while. Whether she gets over it or not is not your problem as long as you and your man know the truth. At the end of the day, you and your partner want to move past the old relationship, so there is no need to harp on the ex. It’ll only keep you from building a stronger relationship, so focus instead on forming a positive, impenetrable bond that crowds out memories of the ex and creates great ones for the both of you.
