Real Talk: 9 Things You Should Know About Men & Marriage - Page 2

You won’t like what you read here, but it’s time that you know the truth. I’m going to tell you some things about men that you may not already know. Men are not going to be the perfect things you expect them to be, and when we disappoint you (which we surely will), you need to decide if you can love us with boundaries or throw us out because we are not perfect. The choice is up to you. Here are some things about men and marriage that you may not already know:

2) Our feelings can be hurt just as easily as yours

If you think men are hard creatures inside and out, you’re wrong. We’re softer than you think and just pretend to be hard. In fact, some people think that it takes men a longer time for men to get over a relationship than women, because it’s harder for us to fall in love. A lot of women love the idea of being in love, but men don’t sit around talking about love the way women do. So, when we decide to fall, we fall really hard and sometimes we can’t get out.

3) Most men like pornos, at least a little bit

When you find your man’s porno stash, don’t be surprised. A lot of men need something to get them through a cold month. Also, having a few pornos doesn’t make him a bad guy. It might actually keep him from going out and cheating on you with a real live woman.

4) Men are not wired for marriage

Men don’t grow up fantasizing about our wedding day. We don’t sit around with our boys day dreaming about being married with a family. We don’t enjoy the idea of coming home to the same person every day and having sex with the same body over and over and over again. Marriage is a real grind for us, so don’t expect us to get as excited about it as you are.

5) The financial pressures of relationships are tough and scary for us

We don’t like going out on dates with expensive women. So, if you’re the high maintenance chick who wants champagne and caviar at every turn, don’t be surprised if we stop calling you. Also, if our money ain’t right, we don’t want to get married or have kids, because you’ll be looking at us every time you or the baby needs something. It’s hard out there for a black man.

6) Women put a lot of pressure on men to be chaste

Women dog out unfaithful or sexually-charged men like they are the scum of the earth. It’s as if the sexuality inside of us is crushed and humiliated at every turn. We try to be good people, but you constantly make us feel bad for being men. This kind of chastity expectation is one of the hardest things about marriage and relationships, where men are expected to be pure, when we simply are not.

7) Our greatest fear is to feel trapped in a bad relationship

One of the main reasons a lot of men don’t want to get married is because there is nothing more terrifying than coming home to a bad situation. We see nasty divorces in the news where the man loses everything for trying to move on, and it scares us to death. Women see a benefit to at least trying to get married, even if it doesn’t work. Men ask themselves why in the hell do it in the first place?

8) Men never stop being attracted to younger women

I was talking to the fellas the other day and one thing that all of us agreed on is that the hot, young, 20-something is always more interesting to a man, no matter how old he is. The older woman is the one we fall in love with, but the younger woman is the one our body might want the most. That’s the dilemma for men and that’s what gets all those dudes into trouble.

9) We’re not as attached to the kids as you are

I know, I know. This one especially hurts, but it’s not that we don’t love the snot-faced munchkins. We do. Very much. And we love you. It’s just that, biology shows: women are attached to their kids before they are born. This is because their brains are wired that way. Men have to build these bonds over time. So, that’s why a man may not be bonded with kids he doesn’t live with. So, if you want your man to be attached to the kids, you need to help them spend time together!