It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye But He’s Got To Go! Signs You’re Wasting Your Time

Plenty of us have stayed in a relationship way longer than we should have. It’s one thing to discover after a few weeks that you and the guy you were seeing just don’t click – it happens. But it’s another thing altogether when your feelings have been invested for months – even years – in a guy who you KNOW isn’t right for you, but you can’t seem to let go. There’s a lesson to be learned in every relationship, whether good or bad, so the trick is learning from each dating experience so you don’t spin your wheels in a dead end relationship. Not sure if the relationship you’re in is a complete waste of time? All of these signs point to yes:

1. You’re Stuck in the Friend Zone

This is usually a problem for men, but women can find themselves chasing a guy who seems interested in her and who makes sure he’s present in her life…only to string her along. Sure, you’re cute, and he likes spending time with you. But he may not feel that “spark,” so he’s keeping you in his back pocket until someone he has real chemistry with comes along. If you feel more like the “hang-out” buddy than his girlfriend, or he hasn’t claimed you as such yet, then you need to get out there and make yourself available to a dude who’s actually INTO you.

2. You’re Stuck in the Booty Call Zone

Unlike the girl who’s stuck in the Friend Zone, your relationship isn’t based on hanging out and being a reliable movie date…it’s based solely on sex. Most likely, the way you start a relationship will determine it’s course and ultimately how it’ll end – so if you’re looking for him to wife you after you’ve made it clear that you have no problem having no-strings-attached-sex, you may be in for a rude awakening. You’d have better luck hitting the lotto. While it’s not unheard of that full blown, romantic relationships can emerge from a Friends-With-Benefits or Booty-call situation, it’s highly unlikely. One of you will catch feelings while the other just sees you as a warm body to jump off with every now and again. If you two don’t really go on dates, he won’t see you in daylight, never asks you anything about yourself and never genuinely tries to get to know you, the relationship is going nowhere. If you’ve managed to fall for him, either tell him how you feel and that you want more, or you cut your ties altogether so that you can try to move on. Just next time, keep sex out of the relationship until you know that you both are on the same page as far as a relationship goes.

3. No Commitment

You’ve been dating a guy for six months and you really think there is potential for a long-term relationship. The only problem is you can’t get him to talk about where he sees the relationship going and he introduces you to others as his “friend.” You spend all of your free time together, you’ve met his friends and maybe even his family – yet the word “girlfriend” seems to elude him. He tells you that you’re perfect and that he loves spending time with you, but he needs “more time” to figure out what he wants, or that he has “intimacy” or “commitment” issues. He’s been hurt before, so he wants to be sure you’re “the one.” All of that is BS. If a guy wants you, nothing can keep him from you. He’ll stop at nothing to keep you all for himself, so all this other crap is simply that – crap. Either he’s making excuses or he DOES have real issues that only a therapist can work out. Don’t waste your time with a guy who won’t claim you or who’s not ready for a commitment. It won’t matter how great you are or that you’re possibly the best girlfriend he’s ever had – if he’s not ready for a commitment, he’s simply not ready.

4. He’s MIA

This is the guy who you think is your man, but when birthdays, holidays and important milestones creep up, he seems to go missing. Your friends actually think you made this guy up because he never seems to be around when it truly matters and none of them have met him. He only comes around when HE feels like it, and always has an excuse as to why he couldn’t make it to an event that was really important to you. If he’s inconsistent, unreliable and just all over the place wishy-washy, then let him go until he gets it together.

5. He’s Safe

This guy doesn’t light your fire, but he looks good on paper and everyone thinks he’s a great catch – except you. Yet you stay with him because he’s never been married, has no children, has a degree and a great job, a car, owns a home, loves his mother and has all of his teeth. Sounds like a winner right? Sure he does…yet there is no passion, no chemistry. You are rarely, if ever, excited to see him. There are no butterflies. He laughs at ALL of your jokes (even the ones that aren’t funny) and he agrees with everything you say. You can’t get a rise out of him. He’s just….there. He bores you.

You can choose to live a boring life with boring kids and be miserable – or you can let him go so that the man who makes your heart race and your soul smile can find you. I know it’s hard to leave a “good” guy when there is a shortage of men out there who are genuinely good dudes who don’t have bad credit, baby mamas and a record. But it’s not fair to him or to yourself to stay with a guy simply because he’s safe, even if you don’t love him. Take a chance. Don’t stick with the wrong guy for a really long time simply because you’re afraid the love you want isn’t out there. Life is too short.

6. You’re Not Compatible

Some say that opposites attract, which can be true. But you and your guy should still share some fundamental core beliefs and values that unite you, otherwise your relationship will wither and die. He’s an atheist, while you have strong religious beliefs. He wants children, you don’t. You believe in marriage, he doesn’t. You’re a Democrat, he’s a Republican – whatever it is…if these are things that cause contention in your relationship, it’s time to end it. If all signs point to the fact that things won’t work out because you simply can’t agree on ANYTHING, it’s time to let go.

7. You Always Argue

While some men and women avoid confrontation like the plague, others thrive on hostility and stay with people who they argue with day in and day out – even though they know it’s a dysfunctional situation. Don’t get me wrong, all couples argue – at least most “real” couples I know. If you’ve never argued with your mate before, either you’re still in the honeymoon stage and haven’t been together very long, or something else is off. But if you argue EVERY SINGLE DAY over petty, trivial things, that’s not healthy either. It’s one thing to bicker about leaving dishes in the sink, and another to have full-blown arguments over major issues that never seem to get resolved. If you’ve been having the same argument for three years, you’re just being silly and wasting each others’ time. Some folks who grew up in dysfunctional families may think that arguing demonstrates that you truly love someone. Wrong.  It means that you weren’t meant for each other. So rather than staying in a bad relationship because you feel that being in a bad relationship is better than being in NO relationship, think more of yourself and leave before your arguments escalate into something more. You deserve better.

8. There’s Physical/Verbal Abuse

This should go without saying, but if you’re in a physically abusive relationship, but feel it’ll get better, you’re wasting your time…and possibly jeopardizing your life. Love is not supposed to hurt and thinking he’ll change is wishful thinking indeed. Again, some women feel that if a man raises his hand to her, it must be because he really loves her or because she brought it on herself. Even if he isn’t hitting her, mean words lashed out can hurt just as bad as a fist. Abusive men prey on women with self-esteem issues so that they can manipulate them into staying with him, making her feel like she can’t find another man who will “love” her like he does. If this is you, wake up, get out, and get help. If a man loves you, he’ll never, ever want to hurt you – physically, emotionally or otherwise.

9. You’re the Mistress

Probably the worst case of a woman staying in a toxic relationship longer than she should is the case of the mistress who thinks her married “boyfriend” will leave his wife for her. Just like the Booty-call situation, it’s possible that he could leave his wife for his side-piece, but that almost never happens. Like…ever. If he did, would a woman really trust him not to do the same exact thing to her with the next chick? It’s a lose-lose situation and deep down, the mistress knows that she’d never be able to trust him, but she wants to “win” anyway. Trust me, if you’re dating a married man, he’s no prize…and you’re setting yourself up for some bad karma. But it’s not too late to come to your senses and leave the married or committed scum bag alone and get some self respect. There are plenty of available men out there, so stop wasting time with someone else’s husband and find your own man.