With the holidays quickly approaching, you might be hinting or cajoling your beau to invite you over to his parent’s for Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or Christmas. And chances are, if you’re invited, your man is a) serious about the relationship or b) brings every girl he dates and it’s a running joke amongst his mother and sisters. (Quick advice: check for covert snickering).
In either case, it’s best to make a good impression. Impressions are even more important if your darling is of a different race, culture or religion.
Here are a few pointers on how to start and finish a holiday event at your boo’s house without getting crossed off the Christmas list:
Ask your partner for a briefing. Does he have a crazy “Uncle Ray” who likes to touch the boobs of strangers and blame it on his age and nervous tick? Best to know so you can steer clear from him at the dinner table.
Ask if there are any subjects that are off limits. Like if your prospective mother-in-law (you hope) is a Tea Party fan, it’s probably best not to mention how perfect you think Barack Obama is.
Make sure your guy clues you in about family customs — should you have a gift when invited over? Know what they like to eat, what kind of humor they use, whether they play sports, cards, or board games together or discuss politics, says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka “Dr. Romance”) psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again
Dr. Tessina also recommends you both talk about meeting family in advance — find out his expectations, share yours. Don’t try to control what happens once you get there. You can be helpful, but don’t try to force things to go the way you want.
Lastly, the good doctor recommends you “have a silent signal you’ve agreed upon in advance (I pinch my husband’s thumb surreptitiously) to say “Don’t go there” or “Let’s leave now.” Also, get an agreement in advance that if you change the subject, your date will go along.”
Christelyn D. Karazin founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community. She is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships.
