Confessions of a Nursing Mother

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There is nothing more beautiful than giving birth to a child and nothing more comical than breastfeeding that child. Nursing has been one of the most rewarding experiences of motherhood. It was the healthiest thing I could do for my children and created a special bond incomparable to anything else. The year I breastfed was also full of bizarre and rather humorous thoughts and experiences. It is amazing how childbirth eliminates all modesty and you find yourself doing and saying the very things you once rejected as a childless woman.

For those who have never been pregnant or tried nursing a child, I thought I would let you in on some of the things that may run through your mind:

“Minus the leaking, these new boobs are great.”
Not only do your breasts grow larger as they fill with milk, they also look fuller and sit higher. Sure they leak and it is kind of gross, but I promise you will never see your ta-tas look better in a Victoria’s Secret push-up bra. Keeping the girls plump and perky is selfish incentive for me to keep up the commitment.

“So what if this is Houston’s? I am hungry and I am feeding my baby at this table.”
Before becoming a mother, I didn’t understand how anyone thought it was appropriate to nurse in public. After I had my son, I didn’t care if anyone thought it was inappropriate to breastfeed in public. If I am covered up, who cares? Moms who bottle-feed don’t have to leave the table or go sit in a restroom stall when they feed their children and neither should someone who decides to nurse. People who are uncomfortable sometimes stare, but when motherhood kicks in you really just don’t care.

“It would be nice if I could stop spraying my child in the eye.”
While some women struggle to produce enough milk, other women’s breasts become engorged due to overproduction. That woman is me. Even the greediest of babies can only drink so fast and, when there’s too much streaming too quickly, they often fall victim to shots of milk in the eye. I can’t tell you how many times my son jumped off the boob because he started choking, only to get sprayed in the face as he tried to latch back on.

“I wonder if anyone in the office is grossed out by the bags of breast milk in the freezer.”
Working mothers who try to keep up nursing are presented with the wonderful task of office pumping. It’s more than uncomfortable to post a “do not disturb” sign on the conference room door, knowing everyone who walks by can hear the strange sound of a breast pump extracting milk. Walking past co-workers to the kitchen with bags of breast milk in each hand totally solidifies each day. Before bringing a cooler, I stored my milk in the freezer until the end of the day. No one ever said anything, but I always wondered what people thought when they saw milk-filled, dated and labeled Medela bags.

“Does he taste milk when he does that? Weird.”
There comes a time (six weeks to be exact) after child-rearing that you begin having sex again. At that time, you also have to learn to separate mommy boobs from sex boobs. Sometimes the mental transition can be tough, especially during the early months when you are nursing every two to three hours. You can start to think of your breasts more as feeding mechanisms than sexual objects because milk production does not turn on and off based upon the recipient. Needless to say, your honey will probably taste a little milk during foreplay. And, you will be thinking about how weird it is.

“Pretty sure my breasts are about to explode…Yep, they are.”
There is this little term engorgement that refers to well-stocked breasts that become firm to the touch. You can feel the burning sensation of milk production and the tightening of your skin as your breasts enlarge. If baby is not hungry, sometimes it feels like they are about to explode. The only way to relieve find relief is to pump or feed. If they get too full, milk will start to leak and that just makes for boob stains on your shirt—not hot.

“Ahhh! So, I guess she’s teething.”
It’s inevitable that your child will start to grow teeth and they will bite you, at least once. Some children feel bad after seeing your reaction and stop. Others find it funny.

“Will my nipples ever be normal again?”
If you didn’t have large nipples before nursing, you will during—big, fat national geographics. Good thing they usually go back down to size when you stop.

“I’m getting tired of this, but it burns calories.”
Believe it or not, breastfeeding burns up 500 calories daily for mothers who nurse (or pump) exclusively. Your metabolic rate also goes up because your body is working for two instead of one.

“Hmm, tastes kind of sweet.”
At some point in time you will be tempted to taste your breast milk. When you do, you will see why your child gets mad if you try feeding him formula.