How To Deal With Bullying In The Workplace

Most people think bullying happens only in the playground. But it can happen in the workplace. An office bully can be a boss or co-worker–anyone who singles out another person for unreasonable, embarrassing, or intimidating treatment.

According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, up to a third of workers may be the victims of workplace bullying.

The increase in workplace bullying has even caught the attention of some politicians and there has been a 10-year-long move to pass the “Healthy Workplace Bill” across the country. The bill proposes to make changes to the current discrimination and harassment laws to  address bullying concerns. Five states have seven versions of the Healthy Workplace Bill active in 2013. And since  April 2009, 16 U.S. states proposed similar legislation.

If you find yourself a victim of workplace bullying, there are some first immediate steps you should take. “Document and isolate,” advises former Old School rapper turned sports agent and children’s author Glenn Toby, author of Lil G Faces the Brooklyn Bully. “This means contact a person in authority in or out of your organization to get assistance and consult them regarding the matter. Isolate means to identify each of the violations. Use eyewitnesses [and] recording devices (check local and regional laws). If there is a group of people offending you, breaking up the mob will help you in creating a strategy to identify who is lying or can help legal personnel or a law enforcement professional to better investigate and document the abuse.”

Also try to change your approach to the person or persons bullying you. “My best advice to someone being bullied in the workplace is to practice using phrases like, ‘I’m not comfortable with that’; ‘I see it differently’; ‘That doesn’t work for me’;  ‘We disagree and have different styles of communicating,'” says Beverly Hills psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish, author of  The Self-Aware Parent. “You can set boundaries and regain control by using gentle language that drives your point home. It’s not necessary to make enemies at work. But, it is very important to define the lines that others may not cross. It is a quiet strength when someone can do this in a benign, clear, and matter of fact tone.”

Sometimes people who have been bullied as a child may be more tolerant of workplace bullying and may be reluctant to confront the issue. “I am now a prominent 90210 psychologist. When patients come into my office they experience me as a warm and fuzzy therapist with a capacity to confront head-on. They see me set clear, firm boundaries to balance my warm compassion,” says Dr. Walfish, who was bullied herself as an elementary school child. “They would never dream that outside in the real world I am still a bit submissive and tolerant to bullies.”

Beauty business entrepreneur Eunice Nuekie Cofie, founder of Nuekie Ethnic Dermatology Pharmaceutical Company, also finds it hard to escape the scars of childhood bullies who psychologically and physically taunted her. “I had to overcome my poor concept of my beauty as an adult. I would say recite Bible scriptures every day to build my self-esteem up,” she says. Like Cofie, whose bullying experience prompted her to strive harder for her dreams, Audra Lowe, host of TV´s The Better Show turned her childhood bullying experience around.

“Being a victim of bullying did, in some ways, affect me as an adult — mainly in a positive way. I learned how to handle either racism or flat-out bullying in a more diplomatic way and I learned how to spot it sooner than most would. It also forced me to stand up for myself much more in the work environment,” says Lowe, who today works to stop bullying.

“As for advice to workplace bullying victims, I’d say what my father told me, to always find a way to turn the negative into a positive,” adds Lowe. “I had people saying they didn’t think I’d make it in this business and I used their comments as motivation to get to where I am, and continue to go further.”

“It happens much more than people want to admit, and it can often affect more than just you if you have a family that relies on the income from that job,” Lowe adds. “Talk to someone, read books, get a therapist, anything, to help you learn how to cope and deal with those types of people because unfortunately they’re around us much more than we think.”

Experts say it is “imperative” to stand up and take action against workplace bullying if you’re a victim or see someone else being victimized.  “The overbearing boss, the aggressive co-worker, if you remain silent you empower the bully and allow them to continue to grow and develop a system to harm others,” says Toby.

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