Separating the Women From the Girls: Are You The Queen Of The Throne?

At the recent inauguration for Barack Obama, you’d think all of the attention would be focused on our re-elected President. However, it was the First Lady who grabbed headlines: from her fresh new bob to her now famous side eye, it was all about Michelle. And rightfully so. She’s what one might call a queen. Not in the British Royal Family way, but in how she carries herself…and all queens command attention.

I’ve heard many women lament about finding their own “Barack,” but what I’ve also noticed is that a lot of those same women complaining about finding their king have not yet become the queen they were meant to be. This isn’t to throw shade or knock anyone for not being “perfect” – none of us are. I simply mean to suggest that finding your king requires that you be every bit of the queen a king would be looking for and if you know you aren’t your best self, your king will never find you. There is no set rulebook for being a queen by everyone’s standards, but there is definitely a difference between a girl and a fully realized woman. If you’re unsure if you’ve reached your “queenly-ness” yet, consider these traits that almost all dynamic women have. A Queen…

1. Learns From Her Mistakes

As stated before, there are no perfect people. We all make mistakes and exercise bad judgement from time to time. However, a woman will learn from mistakes and rise above them. A girl will try to justify her mistakes and in doing so, will usually repeat them. Some women are afraid to show weakness or admit to making bad decisions, so we hide them or stick by a bad decision in order to save face. However, there is nothing wrong or weak about admitting to a mistake and moving on from it. When you face your faults, character defects and acknowledge your imperfections, you’ll automatically work to rectify them, proving that you believe yourself worthy of being a better person. For example, if you’re dating a guy who you KNOW isn’t good for you, but decide to continue dating him because you don’t want to admit that you made a mistake in choosing him, then you’ll be miserable and you won’t find the man who is right for you. But if you are a queen, you’ll know your worth and won’t settle. You’ll simply realize that maybe you didn’t exercise the best judgment, you’ll move on, you’ll maintain your dignity in the process and you’ll become a wiser, stronger person.

2. Has Intelligence

While not all brilliant women have gone to college and have a plethora of degrees, all queens are smart. Be it book smart, street smart – whatever – a true woman knows that her looks will only get her so far. Girls depend on their bodies or their cute faces to get ahead in life, but a king looking for a queen wants a woman who will not only challenge him, but who is a direct representation of himself. When President Obama looks at the First Lady, it’s not just a look of love, but also of admiration. As a fellow Harvard grad, he knows that she can step in and represent not only for herself, but for him as well at a moment’s notice. Remember how she represented at the Democratic National Convention? A queen can hold her own and use her brain to back up any other attributes she may have. Beauty might be fleeting, but intelligence cannot be taken from you.

3. Respects Herself

Just as little girls use their bodies to get what they want, a woman knows her true value doesn’t lie between her legs or in showing her A$$. Some women dress provocatively or behave in a scandalous way, only to wonder why men pass them over to date and marry other women. What they fail to realize is that while they may get a man’s attention, they won’t necessarily gain his respect. He may sleep with you, but he won’t wife you. Men want a woman they can respect as their wife and mother of their children, and you can’t attract or keep a king by behaving like or dressing like anything less than a queen. Self respect is something all women should have, whether they’re looking for a man or not.

4. Works Out!

I know that may sound vain, but staying in shape isn’t just about how you look, it’s about how you take care of yourself. You don’t have to have Michelle Obama’s biceps, but you can tell that she takes pride in her health and promotes a healthy lifestyle by being an example. A woman who works out and eats right is showing that she has discipline, is mentally strong, has will power and motivates herself to be her best. And when you feel good about yourself, you naturally attract others to you, especially men who are impressed and appreciate a woman who loves herself enough to get her behind in gear and work it!

5. Seeks a Man Who Challenges Her

Some men and women purposely seek to date people who they consider “beneath” them so that they can feel superior. But a woman who is secure in herself will seek a man who will not only challenge her, but who will elevate her. Most kings are successful in their own right, and have a lot of knowledge to impart, so you want to choose a man who will help you reach your goals. This way, you can grow and build a successful life together. Women don’t feel threatened or inferior to men who challenge them because all smart women know that they don’t know everything, and seek partners they can learn from, not ones who can’t keep up.

6. Supports Her Man

When President Obama decided to seek public office, Mrs. Obama was right there with him. As a woman who had already achieved her own level success, she didn’t mind putting her career on hold in order to help him fulfill his dreams of one day becoming President. Supporting your man doesn’t necessarily mean giving up your own dreams or your identity. It means building a future together, showing him that you can and will be an asset to his career or aspirations, and letting him know that you’ve got his back. A woman who rises to queen status has no problem supporting her man’s dreams of ruling the world, because she knows she was instrumental in helping him build his empire.

7. Her Word is Her Bond

Women can be emotional creatures, and sometimes we can be all over the place when it comes to our moods. But queens can rise above their moods to do exactly what they say they’re gonna do, despite how they’re feeling at that moment. It’s called having integrity, and it means that no matter what, people know they can rely on you to be true to your word. However, if you are a liar, backpedal or always renege,  a man will notice and he will deem you untrustworthy. Queens say what they mean and mean what they say…and they stand behind it.

8. Surrounds Herself With Positive People

Birds of a feather flock together…it’s a cute little saying that just happens to be true. It’s easy for girls to stand out amongst others who simply aren’t doing anything with their lives, but women know that in order to do big things, they need to network with people who are making moves and trying to better themselves. Just like negative energy can be contagious, so can positive energy when you surround yourself with people who are doing constructive things and making a difference. When you feed off of other people’s positivity and success, they’ll want to feed off yours.

9. Is Financially Responsible

Pay your own bills. On time. Save money and invest in yourself and your future. It may be easier said than done, but educate yourself on becoming more financially literate so that you don’t have to rely on anyone else to take care of you. This isn’t “I don’t need a man” advice, this is about being self sufficient. While a man may want to provide for you and his family, he also would like to know that you are responsible and won’t throw his money away or are a gold digger either. If you don’t live with your man but he wants to pay your rent or treat you every time you go out, that’s great! But allow it because you want to and because you appreciate it, not because you NEED a man to take care of you. Queens can take care of themselves in all facets of their lives.

10. Has Class/Tact

Have you ever seen a girl acting a fool out in the street, whether arguing with her man or cursing out some stranger because they accidentally bumped into her? Of course you have. I’m sure we’ve all witnessed behavior that left us shaking our heads wondering if some folks had any home training. I’m not saying that a woman should never get angry or should be a pushover, but a queen knows that there is a time and place for everything and she handles herself appropriately at all times. She also knows how to read you the riot act without using one curse word or every raising her voice. Tact is about not always having an attitude, and choosing words and actions wisely. Class is about not going to the mall wearing pajamas and house shoes or wearing a skin-tight red leather mini skirt to a funeral. It’s about knowing the difference between keeping it real, and keeping it rude. Yes, there are some guys out there who like a hood rat chick – but those are boys, not men. If you’re looking for your king, or simply want to be the queen you were born to be, you will carry yourself like a lady at all times. As Cynthia Bailey so eloquently put it, “beauty fades, but class is forever.”