Nothing like the honeymoon stage of a relationship. You’re both all smitten and on your best behavior and everything is peaches and cream. Meeting each other’s friends, learning life stories. If the treatment you get and give ain’t all great and sweet in the beginning…chances are it won’t be later on (MESSAGE). If things are fabulous and fresh as they should be at the start, you want to hold on to that for as long as possible. Here are a few tips for preserving the new love glow as long as you can.
1) Come Up For Air:You may be tempted to spend every waking moment with your new beau or lady, but you can’t let your pre-existing personal life and your professional obligations go by the wayside. You had a life before and you shouldn’t have a completely different existence because you have a partner. Beyond that, spending too much time together can lead to some burn-out. You don’t want to crowd one another’s space or wear out something sweet before its expiration date. Your man doesn’t need to be there for your weekly hair appointment, I promise.
2) Don’t Forget Who Loved You First: Make sure you don’t leave your girlfriends hanging for that weekly mani-pedi date or skip those women’s auxiliary board meetings. The people and institutions that were in your life prior to your new situation will likely still be there if and when it ends. Don’t damage those pre-existing relationships.
3) Be Your Best Self: You want this person to see you shine, but you don’t want to fake the funk. Exercise caution when it comes to letting some of your worse habits show (you know, the stuff you know you shouldn’t be doing anyway), but don’t pretend to be something you are not. If you are a burgers and fries kind of girl, don’t pretend like a side salad and Diet Coke is your default dining out option. Don’t feign interest in things you don’t like in order to seem more connected. Be you and if the situation is for you, it will continue to grow naturally.
4) Create Alliances: If he or she is introducing you to his friends and/or family, don’t take that lightly. You don’t want to fake with them either, but it is in your best interests to have these folks on your good side. You don’t want to antagonize any of them, i.e. complaining about how much his best friend talks or that his cousin is a bit too wild for your tastes. Be gracious, be friendly and hope that these folks see the same goodness in you that your lover does. Don’t force it…but put in a little work. These people can break your relationship and they have they have the advantage of years and, in some cases, blood.
5) Be More Than Just an Option:I’m not usually one to quote Drizzy Drake, but he may have had a point with that excruciatingly emo line. Even if a situation is new, don’t be afraid to be clear with your intentions and desires. I wouldn’t recommend busting out with “I want to be married in the next 2 years” on a second date, but if you know what it is that you are looking for from a relationship, make sure you are dealing with someone who has the same priorities or at least seems flexible with what they are willing to give and/or recieve. If you want X and he wants Z…’Y’ waste each other’s time? Get it? Huzzah! But, naw, for real. Don’t waste time.
6) Enjoy the Process: Even if your love lasts a lifetime, it will only be new but for a short spell. Take it all in: the fresh feelings and experiences, the discovery. Don’t be afraid to lose yourself a bit and marvel at how good it feels. Just keep your head and your wits about you. Don’t be a fool for love, but don’t be on 24-7 armed guard when it comes to your feelings either.
7) Accept the Forks in the Road:It won’t be sweetness and light everyday. You will find out things about your new boo that you don’t like, or that may be jarring to you in some way. There may be confusing moments and miscommunication that takes place before you truly speak each other’s language. Identify red flags and violations of non-negotiables (i.e. excessive temper, maltreatment of others, addictions, etc) and work through the things that you can. Just because it’s the honeymoon doesn’t mean it won’t ever rain. Remember that.
8) It’s New. Treat It as Such: As wonderful as this burgeoning relationship may be, please be mindful of the fact that there is only but so much that you can know about someone in a short period of time. If you jump in to anything super serious, like moving in together or making joint purchases…or even changing your relationship status on Facebook (if you are the sort that feels compelled to do that, I personally think it’s unnecessary), just know that you can lose it as quickly as you got it. Pace yourself now and have something to hold on to later. Maybe. It’s always a maybe when it comes to love, but keeping a wise tempo can help increase your chances for survival.
What else, good people, might someone need to know as they navigate a new romance?
