Are You a Kenya Moore? 10 Signs You’re Desperate For Marriage - Page 7

If you’re a fan of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, you’ve probably become very familiar with Kenya Moore, the resident desperate woman who, as “Gone-With-The-Wind-Fabulous” as she is, still hasn’t found her Prince Charming. She’s made it known on almost every episode of Season five that she is more than ready to be married and have children, pressuring her poor [faux] boyfriend Walter to put a ring on it.

While there is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and going after it, there is a difference between actively pursuing romance and desperately trying to find a husband.  In case you don’t already know, desperation isn’t hot by any means. As a woman who is knocking on 40 herself, I understand her level of concern – especially as it pertains to having children. But pressuring yourself and others into marriage can cause more harm than good if you’re not careful. If the following describes your approach to looking for a relationship with marriage in mind, it’s time to slow down and take it easy before you find yourself with the wrong guy, or pushing the right one away.

1. You Settle Down Too Fast

Sure, we’ve all heard of love at first sight, but how often do we look across a crowded room and just “know” that we’ve met The One? Exactly…almost never. While courting is considered a lost art, the typical way we arrive in a relationship is by taking our time to actually get to know someone. But if you find that you want to be considered someone’s girlfriend after the first date, then you need to slow your roll. Relationships need time to develop and be nurtured so that a solid foundation of love, trust and respect can be built. Don’t rush it. You don’t want to wake up one day married to a stranger, and that’s assuming a man has gotten to the point of proposing. Trying to settle down with a guy too fast can also possibly push him away, so breathe and have fun getting to know him. If he’s the one, it won’t take long for both of you to know it.

2. You Settle…Period.

Trying to marry the first man who smiles in your direction is as desperate as it gets. While attention is flattering, your criteria for a mate should involve more than “he likes me.” Having a checklist for the perfect man may be a bit much, but you should still think highly enough of yourself to be with a man who meets your standards for a relationship. Whatever those standards are, you should have them; if he doesn’t meet them, don’t settle. I’m not talking about unrealistic expectations, but if you find that you’re always making excuses for him, and saying to yourself “he’ll do,” “he’s not that bad” or “it’s better than no man at all,” you’re settling. Marriage is supposed to be forever, so if he’s not worthy of all you have to offer, don’t do it to yourself. Build your self-esteem so that you know your worth and then wait for the right man to find you.

3. You Put a Time Limit on All Relationships

So you’ve been dating a great guy for a few months and you want to know where it’s headed. There’s nothing wrong with letting a man know that you’d like to be married one day, and asking him if he’s on the same page. But all relationships develop at different speeds, so don’t panic if he hasn’t popped the question after four months of dating. Everyone is different – some men know if a woman is marriage material within a few days or weeks of dating. Some need longer to assess if she’s the one and they may need even more time to wrap their head around the idea of marriage altogether. But make sure you take the time to determine if he’s the one as well; don’t let the calendar determine if enough time has passed for you both to be in agreement about the status of your relationship. Preconceived notions about how long you should be in a relationship before marriage could be your downfall, so allow your relationship to develop organically and let love tell you when it’s time.

4. You Bring Up Marriage in EVERY Conversation

You may think you’re being subtle, but if you find a way to slip marriage into every conversation, you’re letting your man know that you’re obsessed with the idea of a wedding and marriage, not HIM. He may begin to wonder if all you want is the title of wife, not to actually be his partner. If he can’t have a simple conversation with you without the topic of marriage creeping its way in, then you’ll freak him out and he’ll go running. Even if he does want to marry you, it’ll just make him feel pressured to propose before he’s ready, which is just as annoying. Mentioning your desire to be married once is usually enough for him to get the picture. Men aren’t that slow so if you feel you need to constantly remind him that you want to be married, he’s probably not the one.

5. You’re Obsessed With All Things Bridal

Okay, so you don’t mention marriage every chance you get, but if you have subscriptions to different bridal magazines lying around the house, I think he’ll get the hint. It’s one thing to have a general idea of the type of wedding you’d like to have – I’m sure most of us have envisioned that day. But if you already bought your gown and have your flowers and bridesmaids dresses picked out with no man in sight, then you might be certifiable. Get the man first and then wait until you actually get the proposal before you start planning the wedding. The work begins after the ceremony, so make sure you have a relationship worthy of marriage while you’re dvr’ing the entire season of  My Fair Wedding.

7. You Want to Meet His Friends/Family Prematurely

We all hope that our significant other’s friends and family like and approve of us, but in due time. Pressuring a man to meet his friends and family too soon will not only make you look thirsty; he’ll question your motives and think you’re crazy too. Trying to get them to like you before your man has determined if he wants to wife you is a sure-fire way to make him second guess if you’re worth keeping around because he might feel like you’re trying to trap him. Wait to meet his friends and family until he deems it’s time, because most likely if he wants you to meet them, it’s because he wants confirmation of what he already feels – that you will be his future wife.

8. You Try To Trap Him

Speaking of feeling trapped, thinking that having a man’s baby is a way to get a ring will leave you barefoot, pregnant…and still single. Yes, there are men who marry women simply because they’re going to have their baby – but that is the wrong reason to get married. Noble? Perhaps, but if the relationship isn’t based on a real foundation and the baby is the only reason you two would be together, then trying to have a man’s baby in order to keep him will be a mistake. With the divorce rate so high, you’ll most likely end up a single mother anyway because the marriage won’t last. If you have no problem with being a single parent, then rock out. But if you do, use protection and get him to marry you because he loves you, not because you’re knocked up.

9. You Want a Father For Your Child

Perhaps your biological clock isn’t ticking so loudly because you already have a child, but you want the whole package: mother, father, child, dog and white picket fence. You know, the so-called “American dream.” So to get it, you desperately seek to find a man who not only will marry you, but be a father to your child(ren). Some women want the “complete” family so badly they don’t take the time to vet a man before bringing him around her children…which could lead to disaster and have serious repercussions on the child. Some women even go so far as to choose the affections of a man over their child, because they want to be a wife so badly they either neglect their child or put them in dangerous situations. If you’re already a single mother, taking the time to make sure you bring the right man into your child’s life is imperative to both of you, so don’t rush it and don’t settle for just any man who shows you and your child some attention. You don’t want your child to feel neglected, insecure or unsafe because you have a revolving door of potential husbands coming through. Do you even want to teach your child – especially if you have a daughter – what desperation looks like?  Be a parent first, and let love find you and your child when the time is right – not when you force it.

10. You Can’t Stay Single

If you’re dating a new guy within a week of a breakup, you’re doing too much and moving too fast. Going from relationship to relationship doesn’t give you the chance to reflect and recover from a past breakup, and you will most likely repeat any mistakes you may have made in the previous relationship. You don’t give yourself time to learn! Some women hate being alone, crave attention and are already re-posting their profile on every dating site hoping to snag a man before the loneliness has a chance to settle in. They feel that serial dating is the best way to ensure that they’ll get a husband. But always having a man doesn’t mean that you’re any closer to finding your soul mate, it simply means that you’re with someone – anyone – who will have you…for now. Instead, take some time to get over a past relationship before jumping into a new one so that you know exactly what you want while not spinning your wheels trying to get it. Focus on yourself and healing to make sure you are the best you that YOU can be so that you’ll be prepared to receive the guy who was designed for you, not the guy you’re busy chasing.