by China Okasi & Dr. Boyce Watkins
The reasons for divorce can range tremendously. We’re not here to run your love life, but we’re tired of people getting divorced because their lovers farted. Seriously. Stop abusing the court system! And have some damn sense before you get married. Not every guy that “likes it should put a ring on it”–nor should any guy just be putting a seed in your womb either, for crying out loud! (This same sentiment applies to the fellas. Can you dudes please stop getting married and then turning around to divorce somebody because you think the grass is greener on the other behind?! I mean, sheeessshhh!)
Now, back to the ladies. Read the following list VERY CLOSELY. We are here to lay out SERIOUS reasons that you can have for leaving your husband. Do not leave your man if he does not give you any one of these good reasons to leave him! Marriage is a marathon, not a leisurely stroll to CVS.
1) Sexual deception
– Separate from him if: he has an affair.
– Divorce him if: he makes Tiger Woods look like a monk.
– Bring out the hot grits if: he sleeps with your mother/sister/best friend/cousin or anybody who knows that your middle name is Chromisha-Mae.
2) Spousal abuse
– Separate from him if: he’s verbally abusive.
– Divorce him if: he does a good “Ike Turner” impersonation.
– Bring out the hot grits if: you need multiple restraining orders and you keep a first-aid kit nearby.
3) Really horrible sex
– Separate from him if: you’d rather watch “Desperate Housewives” than make love with him.
– Divorce him if: your vagina has started growing cobwebs around it.
– Bring out the hot grits if: his name is Clarence Thomas.
4) Abuse of drugs or alcohol
– Separate from him if: he likes to binge drink and embarrass you.
– Divorce him if: there’s more liquor in the fridge than actual food.
– Bring out the hot grits if: you’re wondering where he is right now.
5) “Lies! Just Lies!”
– Separate from him if: he lies to you on a regular basis.
– Divorce him if: strange women bring by five-year-old kids looking for their daddy.
– Bring out the hot grits if: you’ve been married for longer than five years when them kids are straight up brought to your house.
6) Financial Irresponsibility
– Separate from him if: he spends all the money you’re trying to save.
– Divorce him if: he’s using your company credit card to buy drinks for everybody in the club.
– Bring out the hot grits if: the IRS is hauling away your car, your jewelry and boxes of shoes.
7) Emotional Unavailability
– Separate from him if: he’s rude, mean and distant.
– Divorce him if: he hasn’t said “I love you” since Britney Spears was a virgin.
– Bring out the hot grits if: he’s rude to you, but nice to another woman.
8 ) Miscellaneous Trifling Behavior
– Separate from him if: he has some disturbing secrets that you had to find out on your own.
– Divorce him if: he has a double-life that includes appearances on “America’s Most Wanted.”
– Bring out the hot grits if: his double life consists of him wearing your dresses and jewelry.
9) Poor Parenting
– Separate from him if: he’s not taking care of your kids.
– Divorce him if: he’s not taking care of your kids or his own kids.
– Bring out the hot grits if: he’s taking care of someone else’s kids and managing multiple insane baby mamas (make the grits extra salty with some syrup on the side with this one).
