But He Says She’s Just A Friend! Signs That Your Man & His Friend Are More Than Homies
Image Source: Bigstock.com
Ever date a guy who keeps a lot of female company, only for him to be like “We’ve never done anything, we’re just friends”? Sure, men and women can be platonic friends, and no one should have to get rid of their friends of the opposite sex just because they’re dating someone new. But sometimes there’s just one of his female friends who’s on your radar, because they seem just a little bit too chummy. If you’re not sure if your man and his friend are really just friends, here are a few warning signs to look out for to see if your relationship is in the danger zone.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
1. They Talk/Text All Day Every Day
It’s one thing to check in every once in a while to see how the other is doing, but if you find that your man talks to or texts her more than he talks to you on a daily basis, then something is up. There’s just simply not that much they can be talking about, and he shouldn’t be talking about you to any other women other than to say you’re great and keep it at that. If she’s the first person he calls when you two have a fight, then it’s either time to set up some ground rules about boundaries or time for you to find a new man. You should now be his best friend and confidante and if this other woman still holds that title, then he’s probably not that into you…and is totally into HER.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
2. They Spend More Time Together Than You Do
Perhaps you can justify them speaking on a daily basis because she’s like a sister to him and lives in another state. I still think that’s overkill, but maybe you’re a bit more evolved than I am. However, if she lives in the same city and they see each other daily in addition to chatting it up on the phone, then it’s time to have a talk. If you have to chase him down in order to get him to spend time with you, but she seems to have full access to him whenever she wants, then something is up. Sometimes women get jealous of the “new girl” and try to test the friendship to see if he’ll choose you over her. If you suspect this is her M.O. then you have a decision to make, because no guy should be choosing to spend his free time with a platonic friend over you. This should be a no-brainer.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
3. They Flirt On Social Media
So he’s not chatting her up on the phone every day…that’s nice. But if he’s chatting her up on Facebook or they’re having full blown conversations daily on her Twitter feed, then these two have way too much time on their hands. Does he “like” every picture she posts online or does he make it a point to comment on ALL of her status updates? Yeah, they’re doing too much. Maybe he thinks it’s innocent fun if he flirts on Facebook and tries to justify it to you so that you don’t get upset. But that’s not normal, especially if he doesn’t show you the same love on your page(s). Rather than make yourself crazy by stalking both their pages to see what they’re up to, simply bounce. It’s not worth your sanity.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
4. He Compares Her to You
If every time you turn around, he’s telling you how great his friend is, only to follow up with “she’s just like you,” then don’t take that as a compliment, but a comparison. If she’s just like you, then why didn’t he date her? What sets you two apart? Most men I know who have a long time platonic female friend are men who somehow fell into the “friend zone” and have had to settle for the friendship, even if that’s not what they initially wanted. Maybe she wasn’t available to him at one point, so he’s with you until she becomes free. Or maybe she’s waiting in the wings until you mess up. Either way, if he is constantly comparing her to you – from looks, to fashion sense, to intelligence or personality – consider that a warning sign that he subconsciously might be looking at her as more than a friend.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
5. He Comments On Her Body/Looks
If he’s your man, then he should not be making comments about another woman’s body or make an extra effort to pay attention to another woman’s looks. But if he notices her new haircut and not yours, something is wrong. Telling you how awesome his friend’s new post workout body is or how she’s always killin’ ‘em at the club is a little overkill, especially if he never goes out his way to compliment you the same way. Oh and if he can’t seem to maintain eye contact with her because he’s too busy staring at her chest, you need to go because he’s definitely checking for her and waiting for his chance to get at it.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
6. They’re Touchy-Feely
It’s one thing if they give each other a “love punch” every once in a while, but if you find that they’re always finding a reason to touch each other, then you might have to break a few fingers. Okay, I’m kidding (kind of), but you get my point. Most men and women subconsciously find a way to be closer to someone that they’re interested in, even when they don’t really have to be. So if you find that they always engage in some kind of physical contact, even if it’s just leaning in a little closer to each other’s face so that they can “hear” each other better, then don’t ignore that sign because it’s obvious they’re into each other
Image Source: Bigstock.com
7. He Acts Differently Around Her
Sometimes his behavior is all you need to clue you in that something is off. Does he challenge you on your opinions every chance he gets, only to agree with whatever she says – no matter how absurd she may sound? Does he act all silly and goofy like a school boy around her when he’s usually cool, calm and collected around you? Usually men and women change their behavioral patterns when they’re around a person that they’re interested in, be it through speech or body language. Pay attention to his physical and verbal cues when he’s around her to see if he’s acting like a friend…or a man gushing over a woman he’s in love with.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
8. He Tries to Impress Her
If they’re just friends, then she should be fully aware of what he does for a living, what kind of car he drives and anything else about him that can be seen with the naked eye. But if he’s always bragging to her about his achievements, his job, his car, his money, clothes, possessions, status, or whatever – please believe me when I say he’s trying to impress her.
Maybe that’s just the type of guy he is, and maybe that’s how he got you. Either way, he shouldn’t be trying to show-off to anyone except you. But if you notice that he’s bragging to her about everything in his life – minus you – then he wants her to see him in a positive light, which, if they’re already friends shouldn’t be the case.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
9. He Buys Her Gifts
I’m not against a guy buying his female friend a birthday or Christmas present, but if he buys her tiny little gifts every other week “just because,” then I don’t care what you say, he’s feeling her. Thoughtful little gifts should be given to his girlfriend, not his girl friend. If he won’t even buy you a stick of gum but is splurging on things he thinks she would like just because he was thinking of her, then tell him to stop faking the funk because he’s in love with that girl and find a man who only wants to spend his “thoughtful little gift money” on you (and maybe a couple of family members).
Image Source: Bigstock.com
10. They Have Pet Names For Each Other
I’m not talking about a name like “Pookie” or “Big Head” when I say they have pet names for each other. I’m talking about her calling your man “Sexual Chocolate” or him calling her “Bootylicious.” Sure, an occasional “sweetie” or “honey” might grate your nerves but it’s tolerable. I guess. But if they’re calling each other “baby” or any other name that you deem inappropriate for two people who are just friends, either call him on it or exit stage left. Those pet names should be saved for you two only.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
11. He Only Talks About Her, Not Other Women
Some men are the type to have several female friends, and more female friends than male friends. In some cases, I can understand that. But if he seems to talk about ONE female friend more than his other ones, or ONE all the time, then it’s time to pay attention to that ONE. No man should be talking about a woman THAT MUCH to his significant other anyway, but if he can’t seem to keep her name out of his mouth, then let him go so that you can find a man who only has time to talk about you.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
12. He Keeps Her Away From You
Perhaps the biggest indicator that their relationship is (borderline) inappropriate is if your man keeps you and his female friend apart. You two never seem to be in the same place at the same time and he rather likes it that way. Maybe he wants to keep you both to himself or maybe he’s afraid that if you’re around you’ll pick up on the obvious chemistry between them. Some men know when they’re being inappropriate, so they try to shield it one woman from the other so that they can selfishly have two women to themselves. If you’ve been asking to meet this “friend” but he always comes up with a reason why you all can’t get together, something in the water ain’t right. He wants his cake so he can eat it too.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
13. He Makes Comments About Other Men In Her Life
Most times when a man or a woman tries to convince their significant other that their friend is “just a friend,” they’ll point out that their “girl has a man” so you have nothing to worry about. I’ve always hated that reasoning because it presupposes that if she DIDN’T have a man, then he’d be interested her. But that aside, if your man is always clowning other men that his friend dates, he’s probably jealous. I understand that some men feel like a “big brother” to their female friends and can be overprotective when it comes to who their friend dates. But if EVERY dude is a cornball, a jerk, or she can always “do better,” then he probably feels like no man would treat her like HE would if given the chance. His interest might go beyond brotherly love. Next time he talks down about the next guy that she’s dating, pay attention to his face to see if you can spot concern or jealousy. If he seems genuinely angry about her new man, then it’s time for you to find a new one yourself.
Image Source: Bigstock.com
14. He Dismisses Your Concerns
While it’s conceivable that you might be a bit jealous of his friendship with another female, if you have concerns about their relationship, your man should acknowledge your concerns, not dismiss them. If anything, that would be a good time for him to introduce the two of you and have you both spend some time with each other so that your mind can be at ease. But if he tells you that you’re crazy, delusional or insecure because you have a problem with his friendship, then he may not be the guy for you. First, make sure that your concerns are valid and not just you wanting him to get rid of all the platonic friendships he had before he met you. If you can honestly say that your concerns don’t stem from a place of jealousy and they both exhibit behavior that is truly suspect, then by all means confront him on it. As your man, he should want to make sure that you feel safe and secure in the relationship at all times. If he doesn’t care about your feelings at all, then all that means is he values his friendship over you…which is fine. You got your answer and now you can move on.
