If He Loved You, He Wouldn’t Ask You To….10 Things You Should Never Do For a Man

1. Have Sex

It’s pretty rare to bump into a virgin these days, but unlike unicorns and leprechauns, I know that there are some out there. If you’ve made a vow to yourself and/or God that you would abstain from having sex until you get married, that is a decision that any man you are dating should respect. If he can’t hang, then bounce him. Some men will see dating a virgin as a challenge and will stop at nothing to “deflower” her…and will hang in there for as long as it takes to do so. Then next thing you know, he’s gone missing and you have to send out a search and rescue team to find him. Stick to your guns and let him know that while you love him, you want to wait until you’re married…or until the time is right for you. If the time isn’t right for you, then it’s not right for you BOTH, and a man who honors and cherishes you will wait.

2. Not Use a Condom

If your man tries to convince you not to use a condom, pull your panties up, head for the door and never look back. He is not only showing you that he doesn’t value your sexual health, he doesn’t value his OWN either. Men who refuse to wear condoms because he doesn’t like the way they feel, says he can’t feel you or because he claims to only be having sex with you are simply reckless and irresponsible. No matter what stage you’re in in your relationship, not using a condom should be a mutual decision based on trust and  love and at least two visits to the clinic to make sure you both are STD free. After all, an unwanted pregnancy should be the least of your concerns – and HIV should be your main one. If you’re not comfortable with not using protection, then he should respect that until you reach a level of commitment that you’re both satisfied with. No love is worth dying over.

3. Having a Baby Before You’re Ready

I don’t know too many men who go around asking women to bear their seed, so if the guy you’ve been dating for only six months all of a sudden says, “Let’s have a baby,!” that should raise an eyebrow or two. Why? Because sane and responsible men just don’t do that. I’m not talking about the guy who says he wants to have children with you some day, after you get married, buy a house and travel the world first. I’m talking about the guy who is so insecure that he feels the only way he can keep you is to knock you up so you won’t go anywhere and you’ll be in his life forever. THAT dude.

Having a man’s baby doesn’t guarantee that he’ll marry you or even continue to love you after the baby is born. Next thing you know, you’re on Maury trying to get a free paternity test because the same man who asked you to have his baby is now claiming that it isn’t his and hasn’t paid child support since Little Junior was born. Don’t get me wrong, some folks have babies out of wedlock and they love and take care of their children just fine. But if you’ve never PLANNED to do so, don’t let a man persuade you to for his own selfish reasons. If he loved YOU, he’d wait until the time was right for both of you, whether that involves marriage or not, and won’t be doing it just to keep you in his life.

4. Having an Abortion

Along the same lines of having a baby before you’re ready, if you discover that you’re pregnant and the pregnancy wasn’t planned, then both of you should discuss options, but the decision is ultimately yours. While it may seem unfair that men have very little reproductive rights, it’s YOUR body and you can decide if you want to have an abortion or not. If he isn’t ready to become a father and asks you to have an abortion, then you’ll have to decide if not having the child is more important to him or to you. If you are pro-life or abortion isn’t in alignment with your religious beliefs, then you should do what you feel is best for you, and you alone. If you feel you can’t raise a child alone, consider adoption. Either way, you have to make a decision that you can live with because it will be an experience you will never forget. Men don’t suffer the potential trauma that comes with having an abortion the way women do and for all you know, your relationship could end and you’re left dealing with the guilt or shame that came with the decision to terminate a pregnancy by yourself. The best thing to do would be to discuss how he would feel if you got pregnant at this stage in your relationship. If he seems unsure or says that he’s not ready, use condoms or other (multiple) forms of contraception so that you won’t have to make this difficult decision at all.

5. Videotape You

Sure, it may seem hot at the time but allowing a man to videotape you in a moment of passion may be a big mistake, especially if you’re usually shy about that sort of thing. If you’re into it and it spices up your sex life, then go for it. But if you feel weird or unsure about it, don’t do it. In the age of social media and YouTube, don’t take a chance that the guy you’re madly in love with won’t get a kick out of showing it to his boys. He may say that the video is for your eyes only, but trust and believe, someone else will see it…especially if you ever break up. But even if he is trustworthy, you still shouldn’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him, it simply means you value your privacy – and your private parts – and don’t want the opportunity for them to potentially be exposed to present itself. Unless you’re making a sex tape with Ray J, there’s no reason to do it if you don’t want to. However, if you want to Keep Up with the Kardashians, then try your luck at fame and leak it yourself.

6. A Threesome

While some women would consider this exciting and sexually adventurous, others might be ready to cut their dude if he brought home a woman from the bar one night asking if you all can have a threesome. If you are more on the reserved side or have zero interest in sharing your man with another woman, don’t let him try to convince you that a threesome would be a great “gift” for him. Again, he may hit you with, “If you loved me, you’d do this for me,” when really all he’s doing is disrespecting you and your relationship. It can be argued that it’s a request that most men make of a woman they don’t truly respect or plan to stay with, yet knows she will do it because she loves him more than he cares for her. Again, if you’re into threesomes and don’t see them as a threat to your relationship, then rock out. But if you would feel disgusted or degraded by participating in one, then don’t try to prove your love to a guy who’d ask to put you in that situation.

7. Ink Yourself With His Name

I don’t know why people do this. If you want a tattoo of your kids’ names, your cat’s name, a deceased relative, the Virgin Mary, then sure…go right ahead. But unless you’ve been married for 50 years and it doesn’t seem like he’s going anywhere, then in the name of all things Holy, don’t ink your guy’s name on your A$$ simply because he asks you to…especially if you’ve only been dating a few months. I don’t think I’d do it even after marriage but that’s just me. But if you must brand yourself as a symbol of your undying love for him, do it because you want to, not because he wants the next guy to know that you belong to him. Oh, and put it in a place on your body where only you can see it. You don’t want to be getting busy with the next dude and have him staring at a tattoo of “Tyrone” all night.

8. Get High or Drunk

If your man  “meets the chief” every once in a while yet you’ve never inhaled anything into your lungs and you never planned to, don’t start now. I won’t go so far as to tell women that they shouldn’t date a man with a recreational drug habit but if he’s a weed head, let him be a weed head by himself. If alcohol is his “thing” but you can’t stand the taste of beer, wine, liquor or any other form of alcoholic beverage, don’t let him talk you into drinking or getting drunk – even just for fun. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard men say, “Awww, come one, just one drink won’t hurt you.” But all alcoholics started off with “one drink” which led to another and another and another. Again, I’m not here to preach about drugs or alcohol – but take heed if your man over indulges in either. All I’m saying is, if you don’t drink or do drugs, and never had an interest in doing so, then don’t start now…and certainly not because your boyfriend asks you to. If he loved you, he’d respect and admire your decision. Just say no!

9. Cosign For Him

If your man can’t buy a car or get a loan because he has bad credit, then guess what? He shouldn’t have it. Why? Because he’s irresponsible and the worst thing you can do is cosign for a man who you already KNOW is irresponsible. He has bad credit for a reason and whether he accumulated student loans that he can’t pay back or is trying to lead a baller lifestyle on a broke dude’s budget, it’s not your responsibility or obligation as his girlfriend to sign your name to anything. Now, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t help him if you want to. But by help I mean helping him to create a budget in order to pay back his debt or recommend a financial counselor who can teach him about money management. But that’s where your help should end, especially if the man in question is ONLY a boyfriend. He may think it’s your responsibility as his girlfriend to help him out, but your only responsibility is to yourself and your own credit score. Good credit is even more important these days in this economy, particularly if you want to buy a house or even get a job. Keep your credit clean and separate from his, and if he even fixes his mouth to ask you to cosign anything for him, you might want to get with a guy who is a little more stable.

10. Anything Illegal

This should go without saying but you’d be surprised at how many women are in prison doing a bid for a dude they “loved.” Meanwhile, he’s out on the street with the next ride or die chick willing to cop a felony for him. Women love bad boys, if for no other reason than the excitement they bring to their lives.  While you might be living well thanks to his illegal lifestyle, that may all come at a price, and that price could be your freedom if and when you get caught up. Whether that means “holding” something for him, be it drugs, weapons or stolen property, you could be the one facing jail time if you get caught handling his business. A man who loves you would never get you involved in anything that could land you in jail. You may think dealing with a thug is fun and exciting but see how fun and exciting it’ll be trying to get a job after you come out the pen. Not so fun anymore, huh? No amount of love is worth your freedom.