Deciding if or when to sleep with someone for the first time can be daunting, frustrating and even a little scary. While I champion sexual freedom, it’s still worth taking the time to weigh your options and ensure that this new lover is a good move for both of you…especially YOU! Ask yourself the following questions before you find yourself in the heat of passion and you may be able to save yourself a lot of pain in the aftermath:
1) “Are we on the same page?”
I’ve said it before and I will say it over and OVER again- the last thing you want to do is have one person who wants a relationship getting physical with someone who is allergic to the word ‘monagamy’. If you are just looking to freak off, find someone who wants nothing more than that from you. If you want something more serious, make sure that your partner sees you the same way. Otherwise, there could be hurt feelings, unexpected drama, subliminal Twitter rants about feeling used (I’ve never done this myself, but the things I’ve heard about…have some pride, y’all), etc.
2) “Do I trust this person?”
This should be an easy one. If the answer is no, then the last thing you should be doing is considering having sex with them. There are billions of people on this planet. Please don’t share your body with one who doesn’t make you feel safe and comfortable. If you think this person may go tell the world or that they are secretly doing it to someone else you know or that they lied to you about being tested for STDs…run, girl. RUN.
3) “Does this person respect me?”
Another should-be-no-brainer. Key words: “should be“. Do you feel like this new piece cares about your pleasure? Are you being treated like a partner or someone who is going to ‘give’ them something? Was there begging or coercion involved or a natural progression towards getting physical? Do you think he or she would think twice about you outside of the bedroom? Even someone who you are only sleeping with should respect you as a human being an an equal participant in the sex that may or may not go down. If someone treats like you like nothing but a orgasm facilitator, you may want to reconsider this sex session.
4) “Is this safe?”
Where them Jimmy Hats at? Where they at, where they at? No glove, no love in 2010. If you are sitting around trying to decided if you should bed someone or not, then they aren’t likely someone you are ready to have a child with. And if you aren’t trying to create life, I PERSONALLY urge you to skip the “raw daddy” and put on a damn rubber. Beyond the STD concern…are you safe with the person you have chosen? Have you discussed past and current sexual behavior? If someone has let it slip that they don’t usually wear condoms, but they’ll don one for you…just ponder what may come through if that condom breaks. Getting tested together for STDs won’t hurt either, you know. All sex is a risk. Minimize yours as much as you can.
5) “Do I WANT to do this?”
If you aren’t sure that you do, then don’t. You’ll have other opportunities to get some, trust. And if this person respects you like they should, then they won’t lose their Shyte when you hit them with the change of plans. If you don’t want to do it, you probably won’t enjoy yourself, you may feel guilty afterwords and the person who you are with (unless they are completely selfish and detached) will pick up on your lack of enthusiasm as well. It is important that you feel as confident saying “No” as you do saying “Yes”. Never have sex just to shut someone up, to keep from making them feel bad or because you don’t want to upset them. Have sex because you WANT to have sex.
