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It’s great to have a close male friend with whom there is no sexual attraction—a guy that can give you insight into the mind of men, help you fend off creeps at bars, and lift that giant couch of yours when it’s time to move. But the line between being a guy’s close girl friend and being his surrogate girlfriend is a thin one, and if you cross it, your friendship can get messy. If a guy sees you as a surrogate girlfriend he might resent when you date other men, and even give up on finding himself a real girlfriend. Why should he? He already gets basically everything he would in a girlfriend from you. And as for the other stuff, well, there’s the Internet for that. Here are signs you’ve become a surrogate girlfriend.
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He’s very touchy
He holds your hand while walking down the street, he gives you lots of hugs, he kisses you on the forehead, he’ll hold you when you’re standing outside in the cold, he even wants to cuddle during movies. That’s not just buddy behavior.
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You’re his plus one
Before even thinking about a love interest he could invite to his company holiday party or his cousin’s wedding, he just goes straight to inviting you as his plus one to everything. You’re all ready to go, no complications, and he doesn’t have to fear rejection.
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When something good happens…
You’re the first person he calls when he gets a job he wanted. Oh, who are we kidding? He was texting you from every red light on the drive to the job interview, from the waiting room, and even when the interviewer left the room for a minute. You’re his soundboard for excitement.
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When something bad happens…
On the flip side, when he gets laid off, or gets in a fight with his mother, you’re the first one he calls, or asks to get a drink with to blow off steam.
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You travel together
Who needs a romantic getaway when you can do all the same stuff, at the couples price, with your BFF? When there is a good deal on a room in Vegas or a cruise, he asks you to be his travel buddy.
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You get Groupons together
He regularly sends you Groupon deals meant for two. He’s comfortable enough to let you know he’s got a coupon and only interested in making you the second redeemer.
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He doesn’t flirt in front of you
He doesn’t flirt in front of you because he doesn’t ever want you to question your use in his life. He doesn’t want to risk losing his surrogate girlfriend just because a potential real girlfriend comes in the picture!
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His mom loves you
Men listen to what their mothers say. You can bet that if the guy’s mom loves you, then to make her happy he keeps you around a lot, including family dinners and even trips. He wants to give her hope that maybe you’ll be the one…
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When he wants to be alone, he wants to be with you
When he says he wants “down time” and to skip the bar scene for a night, but he wants to spend that “down time” with you, you’re pretty much the one.
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He pays for you
Men like the feeling of providing for a woman. If your guy friend doesn’t have a girlfriend, you might be the one lucking out when it comes time to pay the check at meals.
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He won’t hook up with your friends
Even if you encourage it, he will not so much as flirt with your female friends, let alone hook up with or date them. That would compromise his surrogate relationship with you (obviously, because your own friend doesn’t want to see you running around acting like a girlfriend to the guy she is dating!)
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He doesn’t want you hooking up with his friends
Even though you’re technically just friends, he feels like he is fulfilling the role as your boyfriend too, so he doesn’t want his friends going near you.
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He’s always there to help
When it’s time to hunt for an apartment, negotiate the price on a car, paint a room, or set up for a party, your guy friend is there, without even being asked.
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He doesn’t want to hear about your sex life
He cringes a little, puts his hand up in disgust, or changes the subject when you start talking about your sex life. Obviously he doesn’t want to picture his surrogate girlfriend in bed with someone else!
