According to a recent study conducted by Georgia State University that was cited in the New York Times, “Almost 15 percent of married couples either have sex on a very limited basis or have no sex at all.” What a surprising statistic! The published study also revealed underlying reasons for the lack of sexual inactivity, including spouses becoming bored with each other, raising children or embarking on their careers. In certain cases, the respective study denoted that some married couples have decided not to have sex and to focus on other aspects of romance and intimacy, which is somewhat common. Another interesting aspect relative to the 15 percent statistic is the presence of a sexorexic spouse.
So, what exactly is a sexorexic? Similar to an anorexic who purposely starves themselves of food because of an intense fear of gaining weight, a sexorexic analogously deprives themselves of sex primarily because of a lack of self-worth. To some cynics and commentators, this purported illness is not a mental disorder and is simply a term used to denote those who make excuses for not wanting to have sex with their spouse. To some degree, I agree with these assertions. However, in lieu of engaging in the negative aspects of the debate, I would rather focus on the positive side of potentially helping those with spouses that “suffer” from sexorexia.
Here are three ways to help your sexorexic spouse overcome their emotional stronghold and to begin enjoying life and sex with enthusiasm:
Help build their esteem and confidence. With spouses that deal with a lack of self-worth, the culprit can always be traced back to a weak spiritual foundation, which ultimately results in such emotional strongholds. It is essential to be your spouse’s biggest cheerleader. Within the context of marriage, there will be mountain and valley experiences. But, your spouse needs to know that you will be by their side, that you will support them and that you are proud of them- exclusive of whether your marriage is enamored with purported manifestations of worth (e.g., house, cars and other material goods).
Communicate the importance of sex. Again, as aforementioned, sex may not be necessary for some married couples- some spouses actually have decided not to have sex. Obviously, this is different than the situation where you still want to have sex, while your spouse does not because of a lack of self-worth. In this case, it will prove beneficial to communicate to your spouse that sex is an integral part of your relationship, that it is honorable within the context of marriage and that it is essential component of intimacy to sustain your marriage.
Show continual affection and warmth. In some cases, a sexorexic may be holding on to past baggage and pain (e.g., broken heart, childhood abuse, etc.) that is adversely affecting their self-worth. It is essential to show continual affection and warmth to your spouse and to persistently speak positive words of life to help melt away the blues of yesterday.
