Overcoming trust related issues is one of the biggest challenges that a couple can come up against. It is an emotionally draining situation for both parties involved and unfortunately plays a major role in the demise of many relationships. Having been a person who has struggled with trust in the past, I realize that this can sometimes be a difficult mindset to break away from; however it is not impossible. If you find that you too struggle with trusting your partner, here are a few tips that just may help you out.
Identify your biggest fear
What is the absolute worse thing that can occur within your relationship? No, really think about it. In my experience, the struggle with trusting my significant other was always more mental and imaginative than anything else. Is your biggest fear that he will fall in love with someone else? That he’ll cheat? That he’ll leave? Be honest with yourself. Now, ask yourself what will happen to you if this does occur. Will your heart literally stop beating? Will you die? Will the world end? No, no, and no. Yes, it hurts to be cheated on and it sucks to be lied to, but one of the first steps to overcoming trust issues is realizing that there are worst things in the world that can happen to you. In the event that any of this does happen and I imagine that it won’t, I guarantee you’ll survive.
Realize that your “biggest fear” will probably never happen
The human imagination is amazing. We can concoct all of these hypothetical scenarios in our heads and although these things have never happened and probably will never happen, they become real to us. A person who has already given you a valid reason not to trust them is one thing. But, when your partner has never demonstrated signs of being untrustworthy, you need to recognize your imagination for what it is and get those thoughts in check. When thoughts of your partner cheating come it is up to you to decide that you will not dwell on them. Your thoughts tend to become your actions and when you start allowing irrational thoughts of your significant other being untrustworthy to take residence in your mind, the next step will be treating him as such.
Stop thinking so negatively
Remembering that you are worthy of having a healthy loving relationship and that your life is not doomed to a series of unfortunate events is important. Good things will come to you. The cosmos are not conspiring against you and it isn’t written in the stars that you’re doomed to a life of loneliness. You are perfectly capable of a having a successful relationship and someday (if not already) a man will love you for exactly who you are.
Let go and forgive.
When you fail to truly forgive and let go of whatever man hurt you in the past you will continue to harbor feelings of pain, bitterness and resentment. You can’t really direct those feelings at your ex because he is no longer in the picture, which means your current partner will be stuck dealing with the aftermath of an offense that he hasn’t actually committed. This is unfair to you because you are allowing a person from your past to ruin your chances of having a successful relationship. And of course, this is unfair to your partner for obvious reasons. Come to grips with whatever happened in the past that may have hurt you. Take it as a learning experience. View it as an opportunity for you to find someone who truly loves you. Forgive him and leave that baggage by the wayside. There’s no space for it where you’re heading.
Recognize that no two people are like
Contrary to popular belief, all men are NOT dogs and all men DON’T cheat. Just because your ex stepped out on you doesn’t mean that every man will and just because he cheated with a co-worker does not mean that all women in the work place are scandalous. Try to refrain from comparing your ex to your current. They may share likeness in someways but they are two different people.
Don’t check his phone
When you struggle with trusting your partner, getting into the habit of phone-checking is like nose-diving into quicksand. When you go snooping for things, you will find them. Checking you man’s phone to make sure that there is nothing fishy going on is not exercising trust, it is simply enabling your distrusting ways.
Resist the urge to accuse
I realize that when your calls go to voicemail your mind instantly wants to believe that he hasn’t answered because he is with another woman when in actuality this is probably far from the case. Maybe his phone died or he just happens to be in a low-service area. Regardless of the situation, accusing your partner of cheating based off of a whim and a gut feeling is a recipe for disaster and can be extremely detrimental to your relationship. The temptation to accuse will come but remind yourself that everything isn’t women’s intuition. Some things are just a result of a painful past and an active imagination.
Jazmine Denise is a freelance writer living in New York. Follow her on Twittter @jazminedenise
All photos are courtesy of Shutterstock
