“Girl On Top” is a weekly sex column on Madame Noire. Stay tuned for more topics, comment or write us at editors@madamenoire.com if you have suggestions!
While a vibrator is not actually a “battery-operated boyfriend”, but simply a fun addition to a healthy sex life, the idea of introducing it to your flesh and blood partner may be as daunting as if your toy were a real man. Some years ago, an ex-flame of mine took a look at my vibe and sputtered, “women don’t even need men anymore. You all can just buy one of these and go to the sperm bank and do it all without us!”. ‘Ex-flame’, indeed.
By no means do you have to include your partner in your toy time; some folks rather just keep those things to themselves and there’s nothing wrong with having a private masturbation ritual. However, you most certainly shouldn’t feel like you HAVE to hide your vibrator or dildo. Here are a few tips for bringing the plastic and the flesh in your life together in harmony…
Tip #1
If you are dating a man with a smaller member, I wouldn’t recommend busting out the 11 1/2 inch life-like monster dildo on him. Chances are, this will make him feel deficent in some sort of way. If there is some obvious penile insecurity with your man, consider finding a non-phallic toy like a bullet to bring in.
Tip #2
If you are dealing with a lady lover who doesn’t feel that phallic-anything belongs in your sapphic sex life, explain to her that your interest in these sorts of toys does not mean you are craving a man or that your woman lacks the tools to please you. Let her know that you simply enjoy the feeling these toys bring and that if you’d rather be with a man…you’d be with one. This also may be another instance in which the non-phallic toys may be more appropriate for shared use.
Tip #3
Make it plain to your partner: “This isn’t a substitute for you.” Tell them about your masturbation ritual and if that includes thinking of them as you take care of yourself…I’m pretty sure they’d be happy to hear that. Let him or her know that you love the sex life you have together, and that the toy is simply there to bring a new little twist to what you already have.
Tip #4
Give them a show! Let him or her see what is that you do when you do what you do to you. This is an excellent way to let your partner see how you want to be touched and what sort of things turn you on.
Tip #5
If your lover is more conservative, while you tend to fall on the ‘whips and chains’ end of the spectrum, don’t move too fast with introducing your arsenal. Take your time and hold their hand through it; you don’t want to scare them off.
