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“Should you defend your woman’s honor?” Yes.
The question is simple; the answer is complex, which is why it comes up all the time. Many of us have had friends, male and female, ask for advice on some variation of the following story, “X disrespectful man did Y and my man failed to do 1,2,3. How should I feel about that? Am I with someone who can’t or won’t defend me?”
Honestly, half the problem is that men and women don’t define disrespect in the same way. If they did, at least 75 percent of these discussions would be null and void. Let’s be clear, if someone disrespects your woman, they are disrespecting you too because you should feel that you are an extended representation of each other. But, if I’m walking down the street with you and some random guy yells, “You have a nice A$$!” Is that a compliment or a diss? Is he being disrespectful or simultaneously complementing her nice A$$ and my taste in nice-A$$ having women? In some major cities, there might even be a bit of confusion around if he is talking about your A$$ or mine. But, I digress.
It is no secret that, generally speaking, men are more disrespectful towards women than ever. Increasingly, the level of disrespect is tolerated, which encourages more disrespect and creates ever-greater disrespectful men. At what point does the disrespect cross the line and need to be addressed?
Is it a comment on Facebook? An off-hand remark on Twitter? Should you attack the first man or woman that, as you perceive it, disrespects your woman as Swizz Beats did last week on Instagram? Whether you agree or disagree with his methods, there is no doubt that Swizz tried to defend his woman’s honor. However, he was negatively judged for doing so by many online observers. Despite the fact that more women wish men would defend their honor, many did not agree with the way Swizz went about defending his. What did he do wrong?
Is disrespect ‘OK’ as long as it is limited to the confines of the Internet? What happens when these people leave the safety found in e-anonymity and take their disrespect into the real world? Are you only responsible for defending your woman’s honor as opposed to all women’s honor?
As we become adults, should we follow the principles of that timeless nursery rhyme adage of, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Is it that simple? Not exactly. Although we live in an age of theatre massacres, where a male McDonald’s employee beat two women with a metal rod, and a college-aged woman stabbed her roomate in the neck over an iPod, most women I know still want their man to defend their honor in the face of perceived disrespect.
I know what it means to be verbally disrespected. I write for a living on a place called The Internet where I have been called everything under the sun except a “Child of God.” Since experience has taught me that words will never hurt me (or break my bones), I usually restrain my defensive comebacks for physical disrespect. I know there are idiots on this planet, but I have learned to live with them in relatively peaceful coexistence. While I recognize it is important to defend my woman’s honor, I hesitate to defend her honor from every single word or epithet tossed in her direction by every single man (or woman) on Earth on every single medium. I hope she wouldn’t expect me to. “Every night I got to fight to prove my love…?”
Some would say I’m a “punk” for even bothering to think about something as petty as the consequences of my actions before acting. Ironically, these are the exact type of people you’re most likely to run into saying something disrespectful in mixed company. Others have told me you can’t pick and choose when to defend your woman’s honor. All means of disrespect should be addressed regardless of consequence. I disagree. I do, however, agree that there are probably a number of men and women with your shared sense of YOLO (You Only Live Once) consciousness resting in jail or in peace. You probably know a few yourselves. Now ask yourself, do you remember them as principled men that stood up to defend their woman’s honor or do you simply write them off as another group of black men that got into a completely avoidable altercation?
Of course I’m not above defending my woman’s honor, but I won’t be fooled into thinking that every time I do so might be my last opportunity depending on who or what I run into on the other end of that disrespectful phrase. Whatever choice I make, I hope it’s worth it, which is why in most cases I believe sticks and stones may break my bones but…
Well, you know the rest.
What are your expectations for your man’s defense of your honor? If someone says something disrespectful, do you expect your man to address it? Does it matter if it’s on-line or off-line? Does it matter if it’s one man or a group of men? If he says or does nothing, would you consider him soft or a punk?
WisdomIsMisery aka WIM uses his formal training as an internal auditor to provide objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between. As a Scorpio, many women wish death on WIM and some have attempted to hasten its arrival. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. See more of WIM at SBM and on Twitter @WisdomIsMisery.
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