Our goal is for Madame Noire to be a “no judgment” zone, so this is not going to be some type of lecture. But rather, a way for us to learn from our own bad behavior– or the bad behavior of others and do better. That being said, many of us have had moments in our romantic relationships that we’re less than proud of. Maybe you went extreme like Jazmine Sullivan and bust the windows out his car, maybe you started hooping and hollering in public causing an unnecessary scene, or maybe you tried to challenge his masculinity by talking down to him or even coming at his temple with two extended fingers. Whatever you did, you’re sorry and frankly embarrassed. Hopefully, your little indiscretion hasn’t resulted in your arrest, and you want to make it better and move on. Here are a few ways to get you started.
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Apologize
A sincere apology, love. This is really not the time to get into an even bigger argument about how his actions made you act a fool. Sure people can influence our emotions but they can’t make you do anything. It’s time for you to put your big girl panties on and take responsibility for your lack of judgment. Whether you’ve decided to terminate your relationship, or are going to try and work it out, you need to let him know that you’re not crazy enough to believe that your actions were acceptable.
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Give him space
Depending on the gravity of your slip up, he might not be ready to forgive and forget so easily. Once you’ve apologized don’t automatically expect things to go back to normal the very next day. Instead of swarming around his face asking, “Bay, what’s wrong?” Give him time to accept your apology and even decide if he wants to continue seeing you.
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Don’t Laugh about it with the girls
Either you’re sorry, or you aren’t. Laughing and joking about throwing his clothes out on the lawn during a torrential downpour after you’ve apologized, shows you really aren’t that remorseful. If you’re laughing about your actions that means that you still feel that he deserved it. In which case, you should be ending the relationship instead of laughing at his misfortune with your girls. And if you have good friends, they’ll be telling you, you’re above the pettiness.
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Learn the lesson
Usually, when we resort to violence or petty acts of revenge after we’ve been wronged, it usually stems from a deeper issue. Whether you need to think about anger management classes, have a conversation with an absentee parent or sit on somebody’s couch, you need to understand why you lost control in the first place. Your screw up will teach you a thing or two about your limits. Heed those warnings.
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Forgive Yourself
Once you’ve apologized for your actions and learned the lesson, it’s time to forgive yourself. Continuing to beat yourself up, even if what you did was terrible, is not going to solve anything. You need to forgive yourself so you don’t place yourself in a position of permanent subservience for one misstep. If your partner says he’s forgiven you and is willing to move on, he shouldn’t be holding it over your head.
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Repent
Apologizing, learning the lesson and forgiving yourself mean nothing if you repeat the offending actions the very next time you’re upset. Remember what I said about learning your limits? You need to remember those so that the next time, you’re pushed to the edge, you can escape before you end up catching a case.
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