Are you so in love that you can’t imagine another day apart from your guy? Is your drawer at his house turning into a dresser full of clothes and vice versa? Then it might be time to consider living together. If you’re not old-fashioned and believe that living together before marriage is OK—it’s really OK, Madame—then you may want to read the following before you make any moves.
Get your head out of the love clouds and come back to earth where shared expenses, shared groceries and just shared space in general can sometimes be more than you bargained for.
Some couples are so in sync that when they move in together everything flows perfectly. For the other 96.3 percent of us, there’s a time of adjustment and getting accustomed to leaving the single life behind. Remember how you liked to sing Sade at the top of your lungs while you put on your nightly mud face mask? Someone is going to be hearing you now, and he may ask you to shut it up! What about that Tuesday night ritual you have of ordering Thai and eating it out of the box while you watch “The Real Housewives”? He might want to share, and *gasp*, eat it off real plates while sitting at the dining room table.
Even before that, you have to make sure that this is someone who you want to see all the time, everyday. Yes, there are perks from quality time to intimacy time to shared expenses. Before you have a shack attack and buy those matching his-and-hers towels, consider a few things you must do if you are going to live with your partner.
Keep dating
It may sound silly, but make sure to nourish your relationship. Just because you have taken this big step doesn’t mean you can now coast on through the rest of it. Make dates, get dressed up and go out together. Surprise each other and continue to grow.
Stay true to yourself
Don’t forget about the person with whom he originally fell in love. Continue to have your life: your hobbies, interests and friends. Also, establish your own space within your new shared space. We all need to be alone sometimes and just because you share a place doesn’t mean you have to be snuggled up on the couch every night.
Don’t move in together only to save money or time
Make sure you’re on the same page about where you want the relationship to go and how you two are going to get there.
Expect ups and downs
Every relationship has highs and lows, but you should not feel like you need to bounce after every disagreement. Part of being in a mature relationship is the ability to work through things and realize that bad days and weeks are going to make you appreciate the good days and weeks even more.
Designate responsibilities
As old-fashioned as he is about opening the car door, he can be just as old-fashioned about wanting his dinner on the table when he walks in the door, at 7:05PM exactly. Before you have to set him straight, get together and establish who will cook (maybe alternating nights?), how you’ll handle finances, who will take out the garbage, make the bed, etc. It may seem tedious, but once expectations are clear, it’ll mean a more peaceful home.
Have a back-up plan
All the thinking and planning in the world will never really prepare you for what it’s like to live with someone. Just because you are being realistic, doesn’t mean you are being pessimistic. Either way, it would be smart to keep your own bank account and have an idea of what you would do and where you would go, should things not work out.
Don’t stress the small things
Yes, there are going to be times when his humming the “Jeopardy” tune makes your skin crawl, or the sight of your washed bras hanging in the bathroom gets on his nerves. That’s natural. But be flexible, let it go or bring it up, otherwise the issues will just pile on top of each other.
Embrace change
Realize that you will be walking on a cloud the first few weeks and that once reality sets in, everything is not going to be rosy. Relationships are constantly changing and one all the newness fades, you’ll get into a groove.
Test out the waters
Going on vacation together, if you haven’t already, is a great way to see what spending time, compromising and being under the same roof will be like. If you come out smiling and without too many battles, BRAVO. If you’re not speaking once the trip is over, take a hint and reconsider living together.
Live, love and laugh.
Have a good time with your partner as much as possible.
There’s no quick and easy way to know if moving in together is right for your relationship. Take your time in making this decision and don’t ever let yourself feel pressured. Think carefully about the progression of the relationship, as well as your personal growth, before taking the plunge.
