You might not know it, but the next time you swipe on your lip gloss, smooth your ashy ankles and spritz on your favorite perfume to go to the club, make sure you spray on enough so that any decent male prospect can’t catch a whiff of eau de la desperate on you. Unspoken body language like that can squash your chances with Prince Charming like a bug under a horse hoof.
That’s the kind of advice that Jordan Harbinger, co-founder of The Art of Charm, gives to women he counsels on the basics of body language when dating and mating. You’d be surprised what you’re doing (or not doing) that can keep your future husband from clearing the crowd to rescue you from those two-stepping losers you can’t seem to shake off the dance floor.
Mom had it right; stand up straight. “Slouching makes you look fatter and less interesting,” says Harbinger. “What you’re saying is that you’re not confident enough to take up an appropriate amount of space, and you’re not even having a good enough time to put the energy into sitting properly.”
Stop acting like a Russian spy and make some eye-contact, otherwise, says Harbinger, “It’s awkward, and it shows you’re nervous. At some level that might be cute, but if it gets to an extreme…that’s just weird.”
Act as if you’re already taken. Notice how many dudes dig on you when you’re seeing someone? That’s because you don’t give off the same vibes of desperation and neediness, says Jordan who tells me he can spot a girl who’s single and looking from a mile away. When you’re taken, you give off a sense that a least one guy thinks you’re a catch, which encourages a man’s natural competitiveness. “You’ll present a challenge to a confident alpha male who might try to steal a girl who’s taken.”
Don’t play the town mayor. No need to work the entire room with your flirtations. “If a guys thinks you’re only flirting with him, then he’ll start to chase you.”
Leave the ho clothes at the “Ho Sto.” You may have them panting after your TEE and AY but you won’t be meeting that dude’s momma–trust me on this one.
Christelyn D. Karazin founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community. She is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships.
