Making The Grade: Do You Test Men?

I usually pride myself on being a straight forward person who isn’t into playing games. And while I like to think that I’m a good judge of character when it comes to the opposite sex, most men would argue that universally, all women do the same thing when it comes to getting to know a man and dating – the “test.”

I rejected this idea at first, because after all, not ALL of us put men through the wringer when trying to determine if he’s a potential boo or not. But then I started thinking that maybe it’s something we do subconsciously…an innate, primal instinct that dates back to the stone age where women wanted to procreate with only the strongest of the species. After all, who wants to have a child with a weak man? Putting a man through a series of “tests” is our way of knowing if the man that we’re thinking of as a potential mate is strong, confident and capable enough to “handle” us, take care of us and provide for his family. Besides, we can’t just take his word for it right?

While most women can argue that we don’t need a man to take care of us or our children anymore in 2012, the instinct to test a man may still lie within us, even if we’re not aware of it. Some women test men out of insecurity or fear of rejection…so that if he fails our “tests,” we can reject him before he rejects us. Some women test men just because they get a kick out of it and want to play games. Whatever the reason, this could be a good thing when selecting a mate, or it could blow up and backfire in your face. If you’re unsure if you test men, or if you do it for the right reason, take a look at some of these tests to see if they help…or hurt you in the long run.

1. The Liar Test

No woman (or man for that matter) likes to be lied to. We look to partner up with people that we feel we can trust and who is open and honest about everything. When getting to know someone, we may feel vulnerable early on about whether or not this is someone we can open up to or give our hearts to, so we challenge him in little ways to see how forthright he is. Sometimes we ask him the same question over and over again, many different ways, just to see if he answers the same way every time. Our logic is that it’s easier to remember the truth than it is to keep up with a lie, so if he answers the same way every single time, chances are he’s telling the truth. We may even ask him questions we already know the answer to, just to see if he’ll be honest about it. For example, a friend of yours saw him out at the club Saturday night. He didn’t share that information with you, so you decide to ask him what he got into over the weekend. If he says he was out at the club with the fellas, he might be a pretty straight up guy. But if he says he tended to his sickly grandmother, then you know what kind of man you’re dealing with. A lying one. Just be careful, because no one likes to be questioned over and over again. He’ll pick up on the fact that you have trust issues – and who wants to deal with that?

2. The Jealousy Test

For some strange reason, men and women who try to make their significant other jealous seem to think that is a good way to validate their partner’s feelings or the relationship. While noticing that your man pokes out his chest a little more when other men are around is a bit flattering, TRYING to make him jealous is a sign of deep insecurity – and this can backfire on you if you’re not careful. Most men and women are transparent when doing this anyway, and it shows a lack of confidence – which isn’t Hot. If you are constantly BLATANTLY flirting with other people in front of your mate trying to see if you’ll get a rise out of him, all you’re really doing is disrespecting your partner while making yourself look like a fool – and possibly creating a scene. And if YOU are the jealous type and always asking him if he thinks the waitress is hot, then he may grow tired of always having to prove his love and adoration for you. If a man is into you, you’ll know it – because he’ll make sure that there is no room to doubt him.

3. The Sex Test

Let’s say you’ve had bad luck with men in the past, and you chalk it up to giving up the goodies too soon before you’ve gotten a chance to really get to know him. You want to do things differently this time, so now you want to feel out the new guy to see if he’s into you because of YOU, or because he wants to bed you. Fair enough.

But rather than implement a three-month rule or count the number of dates you’ve had before you determine he’s worthy, you sext him, dress provocatively, talk dirty on the phone and play hard to get until he’s practically begging for it – only to reject him to see how he reacts. You figure if he hangs in there through all the late night dry humping and torturous kisses on the forehead for an extended period of time, he’s really into you. This may be true – but not always. Make sure he’s not trying to stick it out only to “win” later. Men love a challenge, and can still lose interest after sex whether it’s a week or a year later. Also unless you’re withholding sex because you’re celibate and you’ve conveyed this to him, he may come to realize that you’re just playing childish games and go get his needs met elsewhere.

4. The Cheap/Money Test

We all know those women who go out on the town with their girls with barely $5 in her purse. Why? Because they expect a man to buy them drinks all night, so why bring any money? Most women who are approached by men in a club or a bar say things like, “wow, I’m so thirsty” or “I don’t dance with men unless they buy me a drink first.” This is a test – not just to see if the man finds them worthy of spending his hard-earned cash, but to see if he even HAS any cash. Women will ask what a man does, what kind of car he drives and where he lives to determine if he’s capable of keeping her laced, and will behave in a way that suggests she expects to be taken care of. So if he doesn’t reach for the check after dinner, or send her flowers on Valentine’s Day, even though they’ve only known each other 2 weeks, she may surmise that he’s cheap or broke and not a great candidate for a boyfriend. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man who is financially stable, however make sure your expectations are reasonable. He may not mind picking up the check every once in a while, but constantly testing a man’s affection by how much he spends on you only sends the message that you’re a spoiled brat or a gold digger.

5. The “No Win Situation” Test

How many times have we asked a man how we look in our clothes, or any other trick question, only to be disappointed by the answer – and then determine that our man is an insensitive jerk? Or pouted whenever he decided to spend time with the fellas, even after we encouraged him to get out more? Some women complain, try to be dramatic, demanding, or manipulative just to see if a man will put up with our crap – and he can’t win for losing. Why? Because if he doesn’t let us have our way, he’s a jerk and doesn’t love us. But if he’s “too nice” and gives in to our rants, he’s a punk and a pushover, and no woman wants a man she can walk all over. He’s damned if he does, and damned if he doesn’t. Expecting a man to put up with your nonsense or be a mind reader is selfish and childish, and testing him too much will only make him lose interest and move on to a more sane woman. Separating the boys from the men comes with experience, and the flaws of weak men will always be exposed. Just make sure that you yourself are the strong, successful and confident person you seek to find – making the pretenders that much easier to spot…no tests necessary.