When a man gets into a relationship with a woman, he knows there’s certain concessions that he will have to make. He knows that compromise is essential, but there is going to be times where his woman will just talk about subjects that anger him. When a woman’s fed up, she uses one of the most powerful communications tools she has: the ultimatum. She will make a certain demand and require a specific action to be taken by her boyfriend, otherwise penalties will be incurred. As effective as this might be for woman, men HATE it! Let me articulate a few reasons why men hate ultimatums.
Men Don’t Like to be Directly Challenged
A man’s pride can be his greatest gift and his most hindering quality. We will let our pride guide our decisions for better or worse. The more strong willed the man, the more firm he is in his convictions. This actually shows a great contradiction with men in relationships. Most men like to be challenged by a woman. We don’t want a pushover or someone who will agree with anything we say. We like women who can think for themselves, have the same type of conviction in opinion, and can inspire a man to be better. However, when a woman presents an ultimatum to a man, you put the spotlight on his decisions. You directly try to force him to accept your way “or else”. Men don’t want to hear that! All men hear when they receive an ultimatum is that their opinion doesn’t matter, that she is the boss, and that you better shape up or bounce! Now, that may not be entirely accurate, but a man’s pride will serve as his personal hype man and urge him not to fold under pressure and to retaliate with ultimatums of their own, or a complete disregard for the words a woman speaks.
You are NOT the Father Mother!
Men don’t want to date their mothers. We remember when we were young boys and didn’t have a say in anything we did. Our mothers would lay out the ground rules and demand obedience. Eventually, when we come of age to somewhat challenge these rules, no matter the outcome (which was usually an A$$ whoopin), we would feel liberated. We knew that we earned a certain level of respect for standing up for ourselves and showing character, and the work we put in now would eventually translate into more trust, respect, and camaraderie with our parents. As adults, we don’t want to go through that fight again, especially with our significant others. So when you pose ultimatums to men, you invoke feelings of a parent who devalues a child’s opinion because they don’t know any better. They don’t want to feel “lesser than” and men will immediately hop into defense mode and battle you at every point. In other words, you talk to a man like he is a kid and he will react negatively.
Ultimatums Make Men Feel Like They Are At Work
For those men who like/love their career, there are more good days than bad. Younger professionals will be in a transition phase with the different jobs they hold, so they can see different work environments frequently. Other hate their job and are feverishly looking for the next move. In our careers, and the types of employment we lead, you will have to deal with meetings, schedules, and deadlines. You have to be to work at a certain time, leave work “when the job is completed”, and you are constantly measured on metrics. Deadlines are stressful and you do what you have to do to meet them, and hate the whole explanation process when you miss them. You know that at the end of the day, you have an escape when you reach your home. Separating work from your personal life is crucial, so that you can recharge and escape the daily hustle and flow of the work grind. When a man leaves that environment, he doesn’t want to have to deal with the same competitiveness with his family or loved ones. So when a woman wants to drop deadlines and ultimatums in situations, a man can be emotionally and psychologically exhausted. Whether they are in the wrong or not, they would just like to handle these situations without the drama of completion. Men will wonder why communication has to occur in this manner between him and his boo and may just give up all together.
Ultimatums Highlight a Constant Pattern of Unfavourable Behaviour
The ultimatum is the perfect tool for women to utilize when their man is showing a constant commitment to not giving any concern about the undesirable actions they perform. Maybe your man is always biting his nails. Maybe he talks to you in a certain tone that you don’t enjoy. Your man might even leave the toilet seat up although he grew up with five sisters and damn sure knows better than that! Either way, you probably have mentioned your dislike for these actions time and time again, without any change in his pattern. Therefore, women will result to the “…or else” move so that he knows you’re dead serious and want to see results. Once a man hears this ultimatum, he knows that he is on the hot seat and can’t wiggle out of trouble anymore. What makes it even worse is that these ultimatums are more than often caused by little annoying shyte that men do every day, and refuse to change out of laziness. They get this wake up call from their women, and now they know they have to change or move on to the next one. This type of pressure isn’t cool to men, and if they feel they aren’t in the wrong, it can turn into one big spectacle for no reason.
Communication needs to get better between men and women. When you date, it should never get that far to the point of ultimatums being proposed. I do agree that sometimes it is warranted, but men need to be as receptive to a woman’s feelings and vice versa. Put out the small fires before they can become major blazes. Women, know that not everything has to come down to an “..or else” scenario. Know your partner well and don’t drop ultimatums just because.
As for the 5th reason? I will leave that for you to answer! Let us know why men hate ultimatums. Ladies, let us know why you give ultimatums to men. What are the pros and cons? Men how have you handled ultimatums and demands? Have you given ultimatums to woman?
Comment on this post, OR ELSE…
StreetZ is a writer for the men’s blog Single Black Male. Streetz enjoys the enigma that is his life, and let’s his opinions excel in textual form. His passion for storytelling and diverse interests are driven by both his life experiences, and his desire to motivate and be inspired. Follow him on twitter @StreetzTalk
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