How to Tell If Your Guy Is Intimidated By Your Success (And What To Do About It)

Let’s face it: Men have their pride and women have their drive. It’s just our own manmade law of nature (sort of like the, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ type analogy). When the two meet at the crossroads of life (say, after college, at the beginning of your career or in-transition professionally), it can become a clash of the titans, where relationship roles are put to the test.

Whether you have a better salary than your mate or are helping him break into the job market to no avail, eventually the differences in income and growth, mixed in with a little bit of pride, becomes an issue that must be discussed to keep the relationship thriving. Not saying that you must stroke your man’s ego or take a pay-cut for his own contentment, but it might be something you need to discuss.

Could your man’s pride get in the way of being a future power couple? Here are a few signs to tell whether your man is intimated by your success (OR signs that he is intimated by his own possible success!)

He Constantly Looks For Validation From You

For some men, they need that validation or assurance from you to let them know that they’re “the man” of the relationship. It is somewhat typical of certain guys to need validation in their relationship, whether they are the main breadwinner of the family or the protector of the house. In a good comparison, their need for validation is like our innate need to be nurturers sometimes: it’s a trait that is associated with being a woman, a future wife and mother. If you find that your guy, who might be in between jobs or making less than you financially, is looking for his “say” in the relationship at every angle, from throwing a fit about going out because he cannot pay to needing an ego boost every day, he might be insecure with your success.

His Attitude Changes (For The Worst) When You Mention Your Job or Finances

You might’ve just had the best day at work: the project you’ve been working on for weeks has been approved and now, you are spearheading a major company strategy. You just received a great evaluation from your boss and you might even be expecting a promotion soon. Days like this, you want to tell it to the world, but when you mention it to your mate, he begins to either shy away from the conversation or doesn’t feel the same amount of excitement that you do. Although it is not directly happening to him, he should still feel some happiness for you, especially if he is thinking about building a future with you (where finances will eventually come into play). If his mood gets sour, he might be envious or threatened by your achievements, especially if he has no success stories of his own at the moment.

He Hangs Around People Who Don’t Encourage Growth

We all have those friends or acquaintances that don’t seem to be going down the same path in life professionally, and after a while, it becomes a strain on the friendship. If you find that your man might hang around too many of the same people from his past that aren’t goal-oriented, driven or on their way to becoming successful, it might be time to evaluate why he chooses those friends. It might be his boy from around the way and they grew up together, but now, all his friend does is work for minimum wage while in living in the basement of his mother’s house (and is fine with it!). Even though your man might be a few notches from his friend, visualizing success is sometimes all about the company you keep. These same friends could be encouraging his contentment with his current situation, and leave him stagnant in life while you’re on the come-up. Don’t let other people’s reality be your man’s future.

He Overcompensates For What He Can’t Give You

It might be a bit much if you expect your mate to pay for every meal and have flowers and jewelry waiting for you when you come home from work every day, but in a relationship, it’s normal to expect a little appreciation in different ways. It doesn’t always have to be something wrapped in a big, red bow, but it should outwardly show your love for each other sometimes. If your man is intimated by your financial situation being better than his, he might try to overcompensate, or try to “trump” you, financially or in other areas. Remember the Martin episode where he first found out that Gina (Tisha Campbell) was making more money than he was? Mix that news in with a healthy dose of ego and pride, and you have an insecure show-off on your hands who feels threatened that he isn’t necessarily the main provider, as some men like to feel.

How to Combat This:

Get on the same page. Understand his need to be or feel like “the man” in his relationship, because that’s how some men are programmed to be to feel satisfied. Let him know that his role is not diminished in your life just because he is in-between jobs, making less than you, taking a pay-cut or is unemployed right now. You might know that money is not your main reason for being his woman, but he might see it as a very important aspect of the relationship, and t0 save-face.

Let him understand your side as well. Professional growth takes many types of sacrifices, from family to personal ones, and one of those might feel like a strain on your love life. Don’t let anybody tell you that you can’t have your cake and eat it too; it is possible to succeed and have love at the same time. Let him know that you value your career with as much devotion as you give your relationship, and the only way you can satisfy him is if you are living to your fullest potential. Have the patience to grow together emotionally and professionally, encourage each other’s dreams and decisions as individuals playing the game in this corporate world, and be a proud power couple, egos aside!

Blair Bedford is a media professional and freelance writer/contributor based out of NYC.  Follow Blair B. on Twitter @BlairsPadandPen.

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