Blended families are just as common as traditional families these days. While your definition of what exactly qualifies as traditional may vary, there’s no question that blending new parents with new kids is a challenge.
The role of the step mom is particularly hard because moms play such an integral part in all our lives. While there are many frustrations that come with step-motherhood, there are steps you can take to make the transition easier. Though I’ve never been a step mom myself, I know quite a few and polled their experiences of becoming step or “bonus” moms to young children, pre-teens and teens. Here’s the best of what I gathered about what not to say to your step-children.
“DO WHATEVER YOU WANT”
Children need love and boundaries. Don’t try to win them over by having a house full of chaos. You’re the adult and therefore while you may not be their birth parent, you are a responsible guardian and need to be an example of maturity. It is essential for you and your partner to develop a set of rules that everyone in the family must follow.
“YOU CAN DO THAT WITH YOUR MOTHER”
Every relationship you have needs to be nurtured, and your step children are no exception. Think of your time with your step children as enjoyable, not a burden. Spending private time and taking part in activities will strengthen your bond.
“I’M THE WOMAN OF THIS HOUSE, WHAT I SAY GOES!”
Allow your partner to discipline his children. Remarried fathers need to step up to the plate when it comes to teaching their children appropriate behavior. The children may already have reason to resent your presence, so no reason to give them another. If your man isn’t stepping up, let him know that he needs to assert his authority, or the lives of all involved is bound to suffer.
“I’LL HANDLE IT,” “I’LL BUY IT,” I’LL CLEAN EVERYTHING”
As with any mom, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Juggling your partner and multiple parenting duties can be overwhelming, so make sure to “do you!” Make your emotional welfare a priority and realize that even young kids can handle basic responsibilities around the house. Focus on what you want and need to be happy and make sure to get it.
“WE’RE NOT DOING THAT”
Instead of turning your nose up at things the kids traditionally like to do, join in or compromise and make your own traditions. It will aid in building a bond and create memories which are very important qualities of a family.
“CALL ME MOM”
Unless you are in a situation where you are the mom, like if the birth mother is not in their lives or is deceased, do not try to force a new family dynamic before the kids are good and ready. If after time they feel comfortable calling you mom, then by all means do it!
“YOU CAN’T DO THINGS WITH DAD ONLY, WHAT ABOUT ME?”
Allow the kids some alone time with their father, this will keep your relationship with him and them healthy.
