Going After A Man: Confident…Or Crazy?

1. Always Calling Him First

Since men are taught to be the aggressors, always calling him first disrupts his innate desire to do the chasing. Sure, he may be flattered – at first – but after a while, he won’t be inspired to show you how he feels about you because you’re not giving him a chance to. In the beginning of a relationship, don’t call him every 15 minutes just to let  him know you were thinking about him, or to see if he made it to work okay. And never call him to ask him why he hasn’t called you yet – you’ll just freak him out. It’s understandable to want to show your interest and that you’re open and available, but you’ll just come across as needy or desperate. Instead, fall back and be easy – and let him do the calling first for a little while until a mutual rapport is established.

2. Stalking Him on Social Media

Most people feel safe, and even bold, behind a computer screen, so showing interest via Twitter or Facebook is a great way to let him know you’re checking for him. And if you have mutual friends that you can use as an “in” – even better. But you can go too far if you’re all over his page every second of every day “liking” all of his photos and commenting on all of his status updates as soon as he accepts your friend request. It may feed his ego, but pretty soon you’ll just be the creepy girl who hits him up on a chat as soon as he logs on – especially if there’s no real direction LIVE interaction. Social media creates an environment for voyeurism, so sitting on his site all day is one thing, but letting him KNOW you’re looking into his life on a daily basis will undoubtedly have him thinking you’re nuts. If you must stalk him, do it quietly…and keep all your “likes” and comments to a minimum, or to yourself. And if you start dating, don’t pressure him to change his relationship status. Social media has been known to make and break relationships, so be careful.

3. Showing Up Unannounced

Once you’ve started dating and you’ve been to his place a few times, make sure you only stop by when invited. Stopping through to say hi or to see what he’s up to is a sure-fire way to get yourself bounced, because he’ll think you’re spying on him. And if you ARE spying on him, stop it. Trust is the backbone of a relationship, so if you don’t trust him…leave him. But if you’re one of those people who doesn’t know how to respect healthy boundaries, the aggressive vibe will only make him feel smothered. If the relationship is new, never show up to his home or job without a clear invitation, no matter how tempted you are to pop in on him for any reason.

4. Talking About Marriage or Children Too Soon

You’re a woman who knows what she wants, and there’s nothing wrong with letting any potential suitors know that you’re not about wasting time or playing games. You want to be married, you want children and the white picket fence – wonderful. He may very well want those things too, but there’s a time and a place to discuss those things – and at the movies on your first date isn’t the time or place. If HE brings it up first, then sure…state your desires (briefly) and keep the conversation moving. Don’t discuss honeymoon destinations or baby names just yet, or he may think you’re more concerned about your biological clock than genuinely getting to know him. Even if you can tell that he likes you and may even want to pursue a relationship with you, leave the topic of settling down into blissful monogamy off the table for a while, or leave it up to him to bring up first. Take your time and get to know him and worry about the marriage and the baby carriage later.

5. Discussing Finances….Yours and His

Ambitious, career driven women who are considered go-getters probably have an idea of the life they want – which includes the type of car they want to drive or the type of home they’d love to own one day. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the finer things in life, but it’s generally not a good idea to quiz a guy about the whip he’s pushing or how much money he makes too soon. You may come across as a gold digger. Also, bragging about how much money you make, or would like to make some day, may give him the impression that you’re shallow, materialistic or controlling – and it may also make him feel inadequate if he makes less money than you do. Until you are in a serious relationship and thinking of marriage, money related questions should be kept to yourself until you know him better. There’s nothing wrong with trying to get a sense if he’s financially stable and responsible, but you’ll discover that organically with time if you pay attention to him closely enough – and they’ll be no reason to ask him outright what his credit score is.

6. Ultimatums

Strong women want what they want when they want it – which is not always a bad thing – and we’ll take no shorts when it comes to love either. But nothing turns a man off more than giving ultimatums, which is more of an act of desperation than assertiveness. Don’t confuse being a strong woman with barking demands, because ultimately, ultimatums are ineffective since men tend not to respond to them too kindly. Getting what you want is easy so long as you remember that communication is key in making sure everyone feels their needs are being met or that the relationship is going in the right direction. If communication breaks down, ultimatums shouldn’t be used as a last resort at any costs. If your needs aren’t being met, either leave him or don’t date him. Rather than trying to force someone to be your Mr. Right, keep looking for that person who doesn’t need to be coerced or threatened into being that special someone. He’s out there, let him find you!