Ever since I was in 3rd grade my mother had been giving me relaxers. I was born with a large amount of hair, and for my mother, relaxing it was the easiest thing for her to do for me and my three other sisters. I never thought about natural hair until Cycle 5 of America’s Next Top Model, when I was introduced to Bre Scullark. Oh my goodness, her glorious curls were so bouncy and voluptuous that I began to think that if I went natural, my hair would look exactly like that.
So, in May of 2008, I gave myself the big chop. Cutting off a total of 16 inches off my head I boldly walked around my college campus with a heightened awareness of my scalp. But, I persevered through the awkward looks, the need to overcompensate by wearing more makeup and jewelry,and admitting to myself that for years I found a security of having… hair my entire life. Honestly, there wasn’t a lot of support for girls who were going natural where I was. All of the salons that I went to for help only wanted to straighten my hair, and it seemed like people were comfortable with a girl with long curly hair, or short straight hair. But having short, curly hair (that didn’t turn out to be the texture that I hoped for) was sometimes looked down upon by people in grocery stores, on the street, or in restaurants.
Having natural hair is hard work, and I thought I would have a texture of “wash and go” like my friend Janea, but I didn’t. I bought multiple products to help me manage, and ended up returning some, throwing away many, and just rolling my eyes at the mention of others. After a year and five months, I had the length that I had in the first picture. I was natural and LOVED it! I would preach the glories of not being ashamed of “whatever texture of your hair that grows out of your head, but embrace it!” I didn’t mind spending the $32 a jar for my Miss Jessie’s Baby Buttercreme, and doing a twist out became a welcomed chore.
However, when I got pregnant I developed a type of lethargic-ness that Sleeping Beauty would have envied. I got my morning sickness from 2 to 5 in the morning, and during the days I worked as a book editor. My husband and I shared a car (and he didn’t have a license), so sometimes I would have to drive him to work and to help his family complete errands. I was always mentally and physically exhausted. The last thing that was on my mind was my hair. I spent most of my second trimester in summer, so I was always hot and my thick hair actually began to anger me. It was just so thick and… everywhere; and no matter where I went, some stranger was always trying to stick their hands in my head (or rub my stomach. Please strangers, if you don’t personally know a woman who’s pregnant, and have natural hair, at LEAST ask for her permission before you start invading her bubble with all the touching). All I wanted to do was to shave my head so I wouldn’t be so hot and uncomfortable.
Besides all of that, there was the issue of finances. When I first went natural I didn’t have any real bills (besides student loans) and my money was my own. After getting married and trying to save for my child, I had to cut down on certain luxuries, so paying for my Miss Jessie’s went out the window. I’m pretty sure that I could have found a cheaper substitute, but honestly, I didn’t feel like finding it (it took me long enough to find Miss Jessies!). I was tired, with swollen ankles, and my car was beginning to put-put out because of the excessive driving, and I was experiencing horrible butt cramps! (Pregnancy hurts, okay?) My life was doing all types of too much, in every essence of the words. Just too much.
Whenever I looked in the mirror, I would see my hair and would begin to remember fondly of the times that all I had to do was to buy a $9 relaxer, some $4 olive oil for moisturizer, then just wrap my hair. At the most, I would flat iron my hair once, and then it would stay that way for the whole week. So to help myself deal, I began to simplify things. I took my husband to get his license, I took a leave of absence from book editing, and I gave myself a relaxer.
Honestly, I don’t fully regret it. I do miss my natural hair, but relapsing to the creamy crack was something that was easy for me to do. I still love natural hair, and feel very compelled to tell women with natural hair how beautiful it is and how I admire it. But at the moment, I live vicariously through them, while continuously giving myself touch ups for my relaxed hair. Now that i’m adjusting more to my new position as a mother and working woman, I do think about going back natural. But until then, the creamy crack will have to do.
Are you natural, or relaxed? Which one is easier for you to maintain? Let’s tweet about it @kkoger.
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