7 Things To Do Before Saying “I Love You”

Pay attention to how he acts when you’re arguing

You’re probably thinking, “But if we don’t fight, isn’t that a good thing?!” It’s terrific, except for one problem: you learn a lot about someone from their fighting style. You may think he is the sweetest, most emotionally mature person in the world. Until you get mad, and he walks out the door for two days and doesn’t call. Or, he plays video games until you (hopefully) just get over it. Or he screams at you. Just know: how someone is when you’re getting along can sometimes be zero indication of how they behave in a fight.

Play house

You don’t have to live together—in fact, you should definitely have said “I love you” before conjoining your lives like that!—but, you should spend a prolonged period of time together, just the two of you. Whether that be going on a trip together, or having one person “move in” for 4 or 5 days while their kitchen gets redone. Having no escape from one another will show you if your love for them is stronger than your agitation at their odd habits. And, it has to be stronger, to be real. If you get legitimately angry because they leave towels on the floor or play videos games, your feelings aren’t as warm towards them as you thought. Love makes little things like that seem little.

Tease and be teased

Not only should you learn about their odd habits, and they yours, but also you should be able to acknowledge them! You should be able to tease them about the way they obsess over their hair being perfect, or the way they are tied to their cellphones. And they in turn should be able to tease you. If you’re both totally aware of your little flaws and habits, pride won’t be an issue in your relationship, escalating fights.

Be apart

Sometimes you get into a whirlwind relationship, in which you spend every day for a month with someone, saying, “I love you” within weeks and then, a work trip separates the two of you and you realize, “Whoa. That moved way too fast. I don’t even know that person.” OR you realize, “Life is a lot easier without them” or, “I don’t even miss that person…” Or you realize you have nothing to talk about on the phone with them—the relationship is based entirely on physical chemistry, but lacks a deep mental connection.

Face temptation

Go to Cabo with your girlfriends for a week, to a totally singles resort where you’re drinking around gorgeous men. Okay, you don’t need to be that extreme but you should go out, be around other men without your guy there, and see what happens. Do you forget yourself and end up flirting with someone? Or, are you effortlessly happy to be single for the occasion, knowing you get to return to a man you really care for later?

Introduce him to your friends

Again, some people get into whirlwind relationships where they cut off the rest of the world and just spend every day together for weeks. But, don’t forget, your friends’ opinions matter! And, eventually, you’ll have to return to the real world and, if your guy just doesn’t mesh with your friends, your life will be turbulent. And sad. Have your close friends spend a lot of time with you and your new guy. Let them judge. It’s their responsibility to you.

Sleep together

Look, we’re all animals when it comes down to it. Sometimes, when you decide to wait to sleep with someone, that mounting tension that feels like love, is just the fact that you’re extremely horny—delusionally horny, to the point where you’re a little faint around the person and they seem to have a halo around their head. Really, a quick bed session would shake away the clouds and let you see them for who they really are. I’m just going to say it: don’t wait too long to sleep together.

More on Madame Noire!

• Where Are They Now? The Cast of “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”
• Is 3 Months Too Long to Wait for Sex? The 90 Day Rule from a Man’s Point of View
• It Takes Two to Tango: Why Do We Always Focus Blame On The Other Woman?
• What’s Better for Your Hair? Flat Iron vs. Hot Comb
• Indie Pop Group Declares They’ve ‘Got A Thing For Black Girls’ in New Music Video
• Brooklyn Man Locked Up Nearly a Year for Rape Even Though Victim Recanted Story
• Think Like A Man’s Gabrielle Union, Meagan Good and Regina Hall Discuss “The Man List”
• “For A Limited Time Only: 7 Signs You Might Be A Rebound