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You know when it happens. You get that feeling in your gut that says, “There’s no going back from this” but then, out of fear, you do go back. But there is no denying it after reading this list. You might want to rethink your relationship status if any of this happens:
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A “break”
Why do people go on “a break”? Because something really tough comes up in life and the couple decides they should separate until the storm blows over. Guess what? LIFE is full of storms. If your relationship gets instantly shaken by little surprises, chances are, it just won’t last. Not after a break. Not ever. Besides, who knows how people are truly acting and what they’re really up to when they go on break mode. This could possibly just be an excuse to have your cake and eat it too.
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Checking the other person’s emails
I don’t care what anyone tells you, it is not okay to be checking your partner’s email, Facebook, text messages or voicemail behind their back. Or visa versa. That is no small thing. That means that all the trust has left the relationship. If you get to this point, you and your partner clearly aren’t communicating as you should, and the emotional distance is growing. Snooping around, looking for trouble is not a good sign.
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He’s seeing someone else
Things are going great until he drops one little detail on you…he has a significant other that’s NOT you: “But we haven’t been happy for a while! I’m going to end it! I’ve just been trying to find the right time.” WHATEVER. This guy is obviously A) Just looking for a relationship with benefits and nothing serious since he had to line up the next one before he felt safe enough to leave the first one. As well as B) Spineless and C) NOT TRUSTWORTHY. He lied to his girlfriend. You’ll be no exception. Hell, he’s already lied to you!
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Physical aggression
So much as one strong grab of the arm that leaves marks and you’ve got to be “outta there.” Only someone with a high level of anger lays a hand—any sort of hand—on someone. There is no excuse for it. A healthy, stable, kind man, at his ANGRIEST moment, would never lay a hand on his partner. Yup, those guys exist. Date them.
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Swearing at each other constantly
If your friends swear in their relationships, maybe even your parents do, and you and your guy have for a long time, you accept this behavior as normal. But, it’s not. Believe it or not, there are relationships in which people don’t have to call each other every MF’er and female dog in the book to have their partner hear them. And that’s how it should be. Major elements like respect and consideration are not there if you are swearing at each other like cast members of a low rent reality TV show. If you love someone, in a healthy way, when you fight, your intentions should be to get closer, and to hurt the other one’s feelings as little as possible as you make your point. If you’re swearing at each other, you don’t actually care about one another’s feelings and are just looking to have things escalate as quickly as possible. That’s not healthy.
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Someone walks
No one likes to fight (well, some drama queens and kings do) but, sometimes it has to happen. If one person just gets up and walks out of the house for a while, goes to a friend’s house or even out of town for an undefined period of time, that person does not care about working on the relationship. Or, if they do, they care more about not having to face their own insecurities, or deal with things that are unpleasant, than they care about the relationship. And that is the opposite of what a relationship should be. You should both prioritize the good of the relationship over your own selfish preferences and stick around to talk about things rather than talking about things when it works for ONE individual.
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Someone reveals an addiction
Your guy has seemed so solid. You’ve been having a great time. But then he reveals that he’s having trouble with alcohol. Or, he is trying to get over a hard drug. It’s hard but, you have to let this one go. A person can’t fully recover from an addiction if they are in a relationship. They can’t focus on the unhealthy issue at hand, and having you enables codependency. They need to want to get better for themselves. Not for someone else. I know you think you’re helping by staying around, but you’re not. Be supportive, but from a distance.
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