Autism Isn’t An Insult—So Why Are We Talking About Beyoncé’s Twins Like It Is? [Op-Ed]

When Beyoncé brings her babies on stage, the internet breaks. We clap, we cry, we meme, we post. However, with the Cowboy Carter tour, something different happened. Rumi Carter—Bey’s youngest daughter—stepped into the spotlight beside her big sister Blue Ivy and mama Beyoncé, dancing during “Protector” like she owned the stage (because, well, she does).

It was precious. It was joyful. It, for some reason, sparked a full-blown discourse.

Clips of Rumi waving to the crowd with pure excitement spread like wildfire. Then came the speculation: “She might be on the spectrum.” Some people spoke with curiosity or empathy, others with cruelty, dropping slurs and saying she was “off.” Then came the defenders: “Ain’t nothing wrong with that little girl!”

While it’s absolutely right to push back on the ugliness, some of our defenses are still rooted in the very stigma we claim to fight.

The Harm of Public Diagnoses

Publicly speculating about a child’s neurotype based on a few seconds of video is not advocacy. It’s intrusion. Leanne Maskell, Founder of ADHD Works, has spoken about this recently. “Pinning a diagnosis on someone else can actually do more harm than good,” she says. “It strengthens the idea that neurodivergence is a trend or a joke.”

Maskell reminds us that labeling someone before they’ve had the chance to explore or disclose their own identity can push them away from support rather than toward it. That matters, especially when the person in question is a 7-year-old Black girl who is dancing with her mom on stage.

Even psychiatrists are warned not to diagnose people they haven’t met, but folks on TikTok and Threads? They seem to have no such restraint, despite being misinformed about Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Autism Isn’t an Insult—So Why Are We Talking About Rumi Carter Like It Is? [Op-Ed] — Source: Instagram/Tina Knowles

What “Nothing Wrong” Really Says

If you’re saying “nothing’s wrong” as a way to refute the idea that a child might be neurodivergent… what are you really saying about neurodivergence?

In a 2023 interview, Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC, founder of Autism in Black, shares her experiences as an autistic woman and mother, emphasizing the importance of acceptance in the Black community. “There is nothing wrong with being autistic. Society may view it as a deficit, but we know that’s not the truth.” As a late-diagnosed autistic woman raising an autistic child, she sees firsthand how much stigma still lingers in our communities.

She also points out that Black people, in particular, are often denied the space to even explore these differences. “We don’t have the grace to have developmental disabilities,” Davis-Pierre says. “It’s like, ‘Push through.’ If we do have something going on, people look at us like we’re broken.”

Therefore, when we say “nothing’s wrong with her” in a tone that implies autism would be something wrong? That’s a problem.

The Real Problem Isn’t Rumi—It’s What We’ve Been Taught to See

Disability rights advocate Imani Barbarin reminds us that ableism doesn’t only impact those with formal diagnoses—it shapes how society treats anyone perceived as different. In a video, she breaks it down plainly: “You don’t have to know [someone’s diagnosis] in order for that ableism to impact you.”

Barbarin, who lives with cerebral palsy and uses her platform to spotlight the intersections of race, disability, and public policy, draws a throughline from historical eugenics to the modern-day impulse to question a child’s behavior on stage. She explains how the concept of “normal” is socially constructed—often by white supremacist ideals—and how Blackness and disability have long been unfairly linked to justify control, exclusion, and even institutionalization.

“The product of eugenics,” she says, “is not just about eradicating the lesser people like myself… it’s about attaching disability to marginalized communities in order to slate them for eradication.”

Her video is a crash course in how ableism is baked into American policy and culture—from the underpayment of disabled workers to the use of guardianship laws that strip people of autonomy and wealth. In that light, speculation about Rumi isn’t just invasive—it’s part of a long, ugly pattern. And whether or not Rumi is neurodivergent is beside the point. What matters is how easily people weaponize perceived difference, especially when it comes to Black children.

If you’re uncomfortable watching a Black child wave with joy on stage, Barbarin makes clear: the problem isn’t the child. It’s the lens you’ve been handed.

Respectability and the Pressure to Be Exceptional

There’s one more layer here we have to name: the role of respectability politics.

Dr. Shanter Alexander, a school psychologist and professor at Howard University, researches the barriers Black neurodivergent kids face in accessing support. In a feature with Howard Magazine, she explained how deeply ingrained cultural pride and survival tactics often silence conversations around difference.

“We don’t want to seem like we’re not making it,” she says. “Therefore, we don’t ask for help. We ‘pray it away.’ We present well and push our kids to present well, too.”

That’s the trap. Respectability tells us that our children have to be exceptional just to be accepted—and if they’re different? We fear how the world will treat them. That fear is real. However, it can’t justify erasing their truth.

We can love our children and make room for them to be fully themselves—wiggles, arm flaps, hyperfocus, tics, joy, all of it.

From a Mother and Advocate

La Becky Roe, Executive Director of Let’s Talk About It – The Autism Center, Inc. in Charlotte, NC, shared the following statement directly with MadameNoire:

“When I hear someone say, ‘there is nothing wrong with them,’ I recognize it is often said out of love—a reflex to protect. However, over the years, I have come to understand how even well-meaning words can carry unintended weight. That phrase, though seemingly harmless, quietly reinforces a dangerous narrative: that there could be something wrong, that autism is a flaw that needs to be excused or defended against.

My son doesn’t need to be defended—he needs to be understood. He needs to be seen, not in contrast to some societal ideal of ‘normal,’ but as whole, worthy, and complete just as he is.”

Super Bowl LVIII Pregame — Source: Kevin Mazur

She continues:

“Affirming, non-pathologizing language is foundational to building inclusive systems and communities. When we talk about neurodiversity, we must move away from medicalized or deficit-based language that reduces people to problems needing to be fixed. This is not just semantics—it influences policy, programming, funding, and public perception.”

Let Her Shine

Therefore, whether Rumi is neurodivergent or not isn’t the point. The point is that if she is, we should be just as proud. Moreover, if she’s not, we should still be raising the bar for how we speak about kids who are.

Rumi is a child. A loved, free, joyful child. Her joy is the best part of the tour clips for a reason. For so many of us—especially those who grew up being told to tone it down, keep still, be “nice,” be “good”—watching her dance and wave was healing.

Not because she reminds us of something “wrong” with us. However, she shows us what it looks like to be unafraid to shine.

Black children deserve softness. They deserve space. They deserve to be different without having to defend it. Moreover, they deserve to see themselves celebrated, not speculated about.

If we really want to protect Rumi—and every Black child like her—we’ve got to unlearn the idea that difference is danger. It’s not. It’s just a difference.

In the Carter household, difference is clearly divine.

Rumi Carter, Autism, and the Bias Behind Our Defenses [Op-Ed]