Are You Talking Too Much About Your Partner? 4 Ways To Tell

According to Psychology Today, poor communication is one of the primary reasons relationships and marriages fall apart. The situation becomes even more troubling when you find it easier to share your romantic frustrations with friends instead of opening up to your partner. Natalie Moore, a marriage and family counseling therapist, says it’s natural and “healthy” to talk to close friends about what’s been troubling you in your relationship, but this habit can turn dangerous if you don’t work directly with your partner to fix things. 

“Venting about your partner to your friends can be a healthy and necessary emotional outlet, as long as you’re mindful of common pitfalls,” Moore shared with the HuffPost in an article published April 18. “Chronic complaining can become problematic in certain instances.”

On top of that, your friends might begin to feel like all you ever talk about are your relationship problems, which can put a strain on those friendships. To prevent this, here are four signs you might be oversharing about your partner during brunch with the girls, and how to break that bad habit. 

1. You Avoid Talking To Your Partner About What’s Actually Bothering You

If your first instinct is to run to your group chat every time something goes wrong, you might be using venting as a way to avoid real conversations. Talking things through with your partner—however uncomfortable—leads to clarity and growth. On the flip side, constantly unloading on friends can alleviate some frustration, but it can leave the actual issues festering.

“By complaining constantly to your friends about your partner, you may create just enough emotional release to tolerate the frustrations, yet unknowingly perpetuate a cycle where you never address the issues directly,” Moore said.

Start small. Choose one issue to bring up directly with your partner this week. Use “I” statements to express how you feel, and aim for a two-way conversation rather than just airing grievances.

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2. Your Friends Only Hear The Worst About Your Partner

If the only updates your friends get about your partner are complaints, they’re naturally going to form a negative opinion about your significant other. Even when things improve between you two, your friends might still be stuck on that one fight or betrayal you vented about over wine night.

Balance your stories. If you share a complaint, follow it up with something positive, like how your partner made you laugh or surprised you with a date night at your favorite restaurant. This keeps the picture more complete and fair. Author Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D. told Glamour during a 2016 interview that even when you’re having trouble with your partner, it’s up to you to protect any private insecurities or vulnerabilities they may have shared with you in confidence.  

“An intimate relationship should be a private space in some ways, and there should be a confidence that you can share certain details in a safe way,” she explained. Allowing each other to safely express how you feel when times get tough will lead to better communication down the road and equip you and your partner with the tools to iron out the issues impacting your relationship.

3. You Feel Closer To Your Friends Than Your Partner

When venting becomes your main emotional outlet, your friends start to feel like your primary support system, and your partner becomes the problem you’re always discussing. This shift in emotional connection can create even more distance between you and your partner.

Reinvest in emotional intimacy with your partner. Set aside time for honest check-ins, without distractions. Ask about their day, share something meaningful, and create space to reconnect beyond the issues.

Once you’ve repaired your communication troubles, ask your significant other if they actually feel comfortable and safe with you talking about your relationship with friends. Clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, Psy.D told Glamour that it’s imperative to be “clear and specific” when you ask them this question. Are family issues or info related to your sex life off-limits when discussing your relationship with the besties? Set clear boundaries.

Giving an example of how to approach your partner, Cilona said you can ask your significant other something like, “I know we both go to our friends for help and advice when we have issues, but is there anything you don’t feel OK with me discussing?”

4. You Always Cast Yourself As The Hero Or The Victim

If every story you tell makes you the one who’s always right, you might be unintentionally reinforcing a one-sided view of your relationship. This mindset can create resentment, not just toward your partner, but within yourself, as you begin to believe your own edited version of events.

Reflect before you vent. Ask yourself, “What role did I play in this situation?” or “What could I have done differently?” Taking accountability doesn’t mean you’re to blame, it just means you’re open to growth.

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