Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? 6 Helpful Tips

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Let’s be honest, breaking up is never easy, especially when you’ve poured so much time and energy into a relationship with someone who was once a huge part of your life. However, just because a romantic relationship ends doesn’t mean the bond between you and your ex is entirely gone. The idea of staying friends with an ex is something a lot of people struggle with. Is it possible? Is it healthy? While there’s no universal answer, some couples can transition from lovers to friends, if they approach it carefully and follow a few essential guidelines.

Here are six helpful tips for reconnecting with an ex and shifting from a past romance to a healthy friendship.

1. Give yourself time to heal.

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Before even considering being friends with an ex, it’s important to allow both yourself and them enough space to heal. Emotional wounds, while they may seem to heal quickly, can take time. Diving into a friendship a few weeks after a breakup may be too soon and can create confusion — or even worse — reopen old wounds that both of you may not be ready for. Ideally, give yourself a few months or a year to truly process the breakup and reach a place of emotional stability. 

“Taking space, however, that looks for you, lets you reflect on and accept the end of your romantic relationship,” Idit Sharon, a Miami-based couples therapist, told SELF in an article published Jan. 23. “That way, you can approach a potential friendship with a clear mind and avoid dragging unresolved feelings into your new dynamic.” 

Sharon says that a good way to gauge if you should reconnect to rebuild a friendship with your ex is when you can view the breakup more neutrally and when there are zero feelings attached. Time will also help you gain perspective on the relationship and what you truly want from a future friendship, so be patient with the process.

2. Set clear boundaries.

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Boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship, and this holds true for friendships with exes. When you reconnect, it’s important to have an honest conversation about what you both need to feel comfortable moving forward.

Are you both okay with discussing past relationships, and your current love life, or are certain topics off-limits? How often is it appropriate to check in with each other? Do you both agree on what kind of interactions feel appropriate? Setting clear boundaries can help avoid mixed signals and keep things from turning awkward.

Licensed family and marriage therapist, Dr. Jenn Mann, believes that setting clear-cut boundaries is a “crucial” step in the “healing process” to establish a healthy relationship between you and your former flame.

“This time allows you to let go, grieve the loss of the relationship, and have a distance that gives you a new perspective,” Dr. Mann penned in a 2024 article for InStyle.

3. Be honest about your intentions.

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When rekindling a friendship with an ex, it’s vital to be clear about your intentions. Are you genuinely interested in being friends, or are you hoping to rekindle the romance? If there’s any lingering romantic desire on one or both sides, it could make the transition to friendship challenging. Honesty is key here. if one person is still emotionally attached and looking for reconciliation, it’s likely that trying to be “just friends” could cause confusion and hurt. Being upfront with each other about your intentions will ensure both parties are on the same page.

For those who are torn about whether to reconnect with an ex as friends, it can be tough to figure out why. Here are some things to consider. How did the relationship end? Was it amicable, or was it a complete mess? If things were messy, filled with drama, or you still feel resentment about how things ended, it might be best to hold off on rekindling a friendship.

Sharon believes that the way your relationship ended could be “a significant factor in whether you can stay friends.” In some cases, reconnecting can make perfect sense. For example, if you were close friends before dating or if you share the same social circles, there’s a higher chance it could work. Similarly, if the breakup was mutual or driven by external factors, like both of you needing to focus on your careers rather than commit to a serious relationship, maintaining a healthy friendship is more feasible. However, this can only happen if both parties are on the same page about boundaries and expectations moving forward, according to Sharon.

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4. Respect new relationships.

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If your ex has started dating someone else, or you have, it’s important to be respectful of those new relationships. Navigating friendships with exes while in new relationships can be tricky, but it’s important to keep communication transparent with your new partner about your friendship. The same goes for your ex. If you’re reconnecting, they may have a new partner who could be uncomfortable with the idea of you two being close friends.

A new relationship for either person can be tough to handle, especially if there are still lingering feelings. In a 2022 Reddit forum, an anonymous user raised some thought-provoking questions about transitioning from ex to friends that we think really hit the mark.

“Can you still be a friend while they fall in love with someone else? Someone you don’t like? Someone else in your friend circle?” the netizen penned. “If you can’t maintain friendly boundaries when your former role is filled, or if it causes emotional distress for you, then you’re not prepared to be an actual friend.”

If both of you can establish healthy boundaries and be mindful of new relationships, it’ll make it easier for everyone to feel secure and respected.

5. Don’t expect the same dynamic.

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One of the hardest parts about trying to be friends with an ex is accepting that the dynamic will never be the same. The relationship you had as a couple will inevitably change once you’re friends. You may no longer be as close, or you may find that your bond feels different now that the romantic element is gone.

That’s okay. It’s important to adjust expectations and understand that being friends with an ex is a new chapter in your relationship, one that may not be as emotionally intense, but it can still be meaningful in its own way.

6. Focus on building a new connection.

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Instead of trying to recreate the past, focus on building a new type of connection. When you’re friends with an ex, the history and memories of the romance can make things feel nostalgic, but don’t get stuck there. Try to discover shared interests, hobbies, and experiences that you didn’t explore as a couple. Embrace this new version of your relationship and be open to the possibility of a deep, supportive friendship.

Be prepared to accept that it might take time for this “new friendship” to feel natural. It’s okay to ease into it slowly and see where it leads. It’s also perfectly okay if you both agree to go your separate ways.

While it’s not always easy, being friends with an ex can work, provided both people are emotionally mature, communicative, and respectful of each other’s boundaries. It might take time, effort, and some adjustment, but for many people, a strong friendship can blossom from what was once a romantic relationship.

Ultimately, the most important thing to remember is that both parties need to be on the same page about their expectations, and they must approach the situation with care and respect. If both people are open to it, there’s certainly potential for a fulfilling friendship after romance.

Have you ever tried being friends with an ex? How did it go? Let us know in the comments section.

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