7 Tips For Surviving The Holidays With Your Dysfunctional Family - Page 6

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The holidays with family are a mix of love and tension, where unresolved conflicts often temper the warmth of togetherness. There’s something extraordinary about being around familiar faces that can bring both comfort and annoyance. Amid laughter and good food, we may face passive-aggressive comments and the resentment of unmet expectations. Yet, despite the stressors, there’s an undeniable pull for many to come together and share in the joy and messiness of it all.

There are ways to survive and even thrive amidst the chaos. Here are seven tips to help you keep your sanity intact while celebrating the season with your dysfunctional and beloved family.

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1. Set Boundaries

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Have you noticed that people are using the term “boundaries” more than before? That’s because society is finally recognizing how crucial they are for preserving emotional well-being, reducing stress, and fostering healthy relationships. By clearly defining limits—whether around time, conversations, or commitments—you create space for genuine connections. Boundaries also reduce the pressure to try and do it all. They allow you to protect your energy, manage social obligations, and prioritize your needs. One practical way of doing this is by setting and sticking to a gift-giving budget with your loved ones. Take into account the financial situation of those with the least resources and tailor the budget accordingly. This should be a situation where everyone has a voice and can be part of the process.

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2. Keep Conversations Light

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This may seem impossible in the wake of the recent presidential election, but if you don’t want your dinner table to turn into a boxing match (verbally or otherwise), it’s worth considering keeping conversations neutral for everyone’s sanity. This may seem counterintuitive to those of us with strong political views, but if you want to avoid a screaming match, it’s wise to steer clear of any topic that will stir strong emotions. I try to remember that the primary purpose of coming together with loved ones during the holidays is to connect and create shared memories that build up our emotional reserves and strengthen family bonds. If someone chooses to start preaching about a topic that will stir strong emotions, you can choose not to participate. For example, if asked about your opinion, simply say, “I’ve decided not to join in any discussions about xx” and leave it at that. If that doesn’t work, it’s perfectly reasonable to take a break and come back once your blood pressure returns to normal.

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3. Have an Exit Strategy

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Establishing an exit strategy and leaving early during the holidays can be a powerful way to protect your peace and maintain emotional balance with family. Whether it’s establishing a concrete time to leave or giving yourself permission to step away if it becomes too overwhelming, you are exercising agency that helps you feel comfortable knowing you don’t have to endure situations that overwhelm you. If you’re worried this might be seen as rude, remember it’s better to leave early than get agitated and become really rude. Once that happens, we’re more likely to say or do something hurtful to those we care about. Giving yourself permission to leave early helps avoid burnout and gives your mind a safety plan to detach before you hit your limits. A pre-planned exit strategy ensures you can still participate in family gatherings without compromising your peace or overextending yourself.

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4.  Mindfulness or Meditation

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Practicing mindful breathing or quick meditation during the holidays can be an effective way to center yourself and manage stress in family gatherings. By taking just a few minutes to focus on your breath, you activate your body’s relaxation response, helping to reduce anxiety, calm your mind, and regain emotional balance. This simple practice can be done anywhere. The key is to listen to your body. If you feel irritated, excuse yourself and find a quiet spot for ten minutes. This could be on the side of the house, in a bathroom, or even your car. Box breathing—breathing in for four, holding for four, then exhaling for four for five minutes—can help reset emotionally and allow you to re-engage with a clearer perspective.

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5. Manage Your Expectations

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Managing expectations is key to surviving the holidays with family, especially when we all have different ideas of what the season should look like. It’s important to remind yourself that things won’t always go perfectly—there may be disagreements, last-minute changes, or unexpected challenges. Instead of holding onto an idealized version of the “perfect” holiday, try to embrace the imperfections. Letting go of the pressure to create flawless moments reduces stress and allows for more genuine, memorable experiences—even if they’re messy or imperfect. When things aren’t going as expected, remind yourself that expectations are premeditated resentments and allow yourself to go with the flow.

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7. Focus On What You Can Control

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Ever notice how the happiest people are the ones who go with the flow? Letting go of the need to control everything not only reduces frustration but also allows you to fully embrace the present, no matter what curveballs come your way. There will always be things outside your control. The “sphere of control” is the things we can change, such as establishing boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and managing our time and energy. Situations like family dynamics, unpredictable schedules, or even the weather will test the patience of a saint, but we have the power to decide how we respond.

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