You Shouldn’t Feel Bad Saying No To Being A Bridesmaid

Taylor Knight (center) with her bridesmaids Source: Jamarcus Crump / Jamarcus Crump

A bride’s wedding day is a moment she’ll never forget, but for a bridesmaid, it can be a day she wishes her bank statements could omit.

Although many brides have fallen into the trap of spending hundreds and thousands of dollars to make their big day a fairy tale, their wedding party tends to fall victim to these unwanted expenses.

“For me being a bridesmaid, I knew the expenses ahead,” Kaleigh Cordero, 26, a 2023 matron of honor, told Madame Noiré. “By the time the bachelorette came, those prices went up from originally doing a food spread at the hotel to going out to dinner, and the rest of the bridesmaids were expecting us two maids of honors to pay for everyone’s food and drinks.”

Brides shouldn’t expect their closest friends or family members to say yes to being bridesmaids without revealing how much it will cost, and that doesn’t mean a rough estimate of the dress and shoes.

Nowadays, brides expect their friends to spend nearly as much as their rent for their big day, which is beyond unreasonable.

A 2025 destination bridesmaid, Kiera Akins, 27, confessed to Madame Noire that the expenses started to add up: “The amount I have spent as a bridesmaid is almost double my mortgage,” which covered the wedding and bachelorette costs such as lodging, food, flights, carnival costume, bridesmaid dress, resort fees, flight, hair, and makeup.

Kaleigh Cordero, 26, Matron of Honor (Right) Source: George Street Photo / George Street Photo

Breakdown the costs

So, if you expect someone to spend their hard-earned money to celebrate you on your big day, you should at least create a list of detailed expenses they should foresee before agreeing to participate.

As a 2025 bride, before I sent out my bridesmaid proposal boxes, which are personalized packages asking my girls to be a part of my wedding, I called each friend beforehand and had a transparent conversation about the financial obligations of being a bridesmaid. I also asked them what they were comfortable spending.

“I appreciated receiving the cost estimate because it helped me evaluate whether I could financially commit to being a bridesmaid,” Akins, a Georgia scientist, added. “Receiving it a year in advance was especially helpful, as it allowed me to plan ahead, split up the expenses, and make purchases gradually, which made everything more manageable.”

Transparent conversations can allow a bride to create an attainable budget for everyone, explaining expenses to come.

“It’s only fair that brides are upfront about those expectations so that their friends can make an informed decision. No one should feel pressured or surprised by the costs, and transparency helps ensure everyone is on the same page,” Danisha Cerand, a 2024 destination bride, told Madame Noiré.

Although I had the conversation with my bridesmaids, I still included a breakdown of the expected expenses, listing hair, makeup, dress, shoes, jewelry, and travel accommodations for the wedding and bachelorette trip inside their bridesmaid proposal boxes.

Some people may think it’s overkill, but I wanted to be mindful of my friends’ personal life expenses without making them feel pressured to say yes.

Is It Worth It?

Ashleigh Carr, 27, Bridesmaid (Third person to the right)nSource: Ashleigh Carr

But even if the budget is out of the bridesmaid’s comfort zone, Ashleigh Carr, a 2023 bridesmaid, claimed she would say yes regardless of the cost because having that moment with the bride is more valuable.

“I think the experience really outweighs the one-time expenses. Seeing how happy the bride is and getting together with all the bridesmaids makes it all worth it,” Carr, 27, New York City lawyer, told Madame Noiré.

Some brides aren’t comfortable having that conversation and prefer putting their friends in financial turmoil or opting out in having bridesmaid altogether.

“I would consider stepping down if the expenses exceeded what I had prepared for. If I commit to something, I want to do it wholeheartedly without feeling stressed or resentful later on. It wouldn’t be fair to the bride if I couldn’t fully support her due to financial concerns,” Akins said.

One of my closest friends who I always imagined to be one of my bridesmaids let me know in advanced that she wouldn’t be able to fulfill the financial obligations with the role and I respected that. As a new mom, she would prefer focusing on getting to destination wedding rather than stressing about the several events leading up to my big day.

I recommend having these conversations despite how uncomfortable they can be because, yes, it’s your big moment… But the days, weeks, and months after could be the reason your friends are struggling to recover financially.

“It can also be a financial burden for the bridal party, and that’s something not every bride wants to put on their closest friends,” Cerand, 28, explained.

Scrapping bridesmaids

Danisha Cerand, 28, Bride (Eloped without bridesmaids) Source: Rtwphotography / Rtwphotography

There is a recurring trend of brides scrapping bridesmaids altogether to avoid any frustrations or friendship fallouts.

“I think more brides are choosing to opt out because they want a more simplified or intimate experience without the added stress of coordinating a bridal party,” Cerand, who eloped her husband in Italy, continued.

“Weddings have become so individualized, and some brides just want to focus on their special day without the logistical challenges of managing multiple people, events, and expectations.”

Although I have 11 bridesmaids—yes, I know, it’s a lot—I understand why some brides opt out for having their closest friends standing with them on their wedding day because it’s a lot of work for everyone. But if you feel like having them stand up there with you is essential to your fairy tale moment, at least have the decency to share the upfront costs.

Because, like any relationship, communication is key, even when it involves your wedding.

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