6 Essential Phrases Strong Couples Use
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Healthy relationships thrive on effective communication and mutual understanding. To help couples cultivate this, renowned psychotherapist Amy Morin, along with relationship experts John and Julie Gottman, have pinpointed six key phrases that resilient partners often use to maintain balance and harmony.
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1. “I need to share something that might be difficult to hear.”
In a recent interview with CNBC published on Oct. 16, Morin highlighted that strong couples prioritize open dialogue, even when the topics may be difficult for one partner to confront.
According to the relationship enthusiast, holding back information that could be upsetting to your partner isn’t a healthy approach. Even if it might make them uneasy, addressing your concerns directly is crucial. Just make sure to communicate thoughtfully. For example, if you felt uneasy about your partner discussing personal matters with their mother, framing it with a warning that it might be upsetting can show you care.
“Acknowledging your mistakes and being honest about your needs can help you grow stronger together,” Morin told CNBC.
2. “I could really use your support right now.”
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In their extensive research involving over 3,000 couples, psychologists John and Julie Gottman found that while there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to conflict, certain conversations yield better outcomes. Couples must embrace vulnerability to transform their defensiveness into “self-disclosure and openness.”
According to the Gottmans, strong couples often say powerful phrases like “Can I have a hug?” or “I need your support right now” when they are emotionally overwhelmed and need love and care from their partner.
Research supports the profound impact of love and affection on our well-being. Cuddling, for instance, stimulates the release of oxytocin—a hormone produced in the hypothalamus and secreted by the pituitary gland. Commonly known as the “love hormone,” oxytocin is crucial during childbirth and fosters feelings of joy akin to those created by endorphins and serotonin. This hormone has been shown to alleviate stress and anxiety while enhancing social behaviors like relaxation, trust, and emotional stability.
3. “It’s understandable you feel that way.”
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Even if your feelings differ from your partner’s, recognizing and validating their emotions is important. Saying, “It’s understandable you feel that way,” can provide reassurance and demonstrate your empathy, according to Morin.
Additionally, during disagreements, it’s essential to allow each other the time and space needed to heal, as noted by Columbia University Irving Medical Center. Giving each other room can be beneficial. Whether it’s you or your partner, taking some time alone can help.
4. “I never thought of things that way.”
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There will be moments when it’s important to find common ground or acknowledge your partner’s viewpoint. The Gottmans refer to these as “getting to yes” phrases. Statements like “Let’s compromise here” or “I think your point of view makes sense” show that you’re genuinely listening rather than just trying to make your own case.
5. “I’m sorry for the part I’ve played in this.”
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Recognizing your part in a disagreement is vital for both individuals to grow, Morin emphasizes. “When you take responsibility for your share, you increase the chances that your partner will accept responsibility for theirs, too,” she added. This crucial shift allows both of you to focus on finding solutions rather than assigning blame.
6. “Let’s find a solution.”
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Successful couples tackle challenges as a team. Even if an issue lies outside the relationship, collaborating on a resolution can strengthen your bond. “While some problems are ultimately in your partner’s hands, like an issue they’re having with their boss, offering to work together shows that you’re invested in helping them make the best decision for themselves,” Morin noted to CNBC.
Do you and your partner have a strong relationship? Tell us in the comments section.
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