I Planned My Wedding 3 Years Before I Got Engaged

Call me delusional, but planning my wedding before I got engaged was one of the best things I could have done.

Taylor Knight and her fiancé Ja’Vail / Photo by Shamell Mason

As a 2025 bride, people always ask me, “Are you stressed out with wedding planning?” I always answer no because I planned my wedding three years before I got engaged to my fiancé (when I was 24). Some people look at me as crazy when I say it, but prior planning has allowed me to enjoy my wedding planning process without any headaches because I finished everything!

Although I said “Yes” to my college sweetheart on Aug. 18, 2023, my wedding planning process started in July 2020. I knew my partner would be my future husband, so whether I was manifesting our future or being de-lulu, I knew my wedding plans would come to fruition.

And I’m not the only bride thinking this way. Thea Henry, a 2025 bride based in Dallas, Texas, planned her 2025 wedding way before she got engaged to her fiancé in 2023.

“I’m a very type-A person, so I could not imagine not having an inkling or thought about my wedding,” Henry, 26, told MadameNoire.

Before her engagement, Henry called venues in Florida and Texas to see “what kind of numbers are we playing with” for her wedding budget. She admits that having an idea of what to expect helped reduce her anxiety.

“Had I not thought about this stuff until after I got engaged, I would be in distress,” she said.

Michelle Farley, a wedding designer and coordinator at Hazel Events & Design, agrees that people should consider planning their wedding before becoming engaged.

“As you get older and you’ve been with a man or woman for three to four years and you can see a future with this person, not saying you should say it to them, but I would create a Pinterest board and just put everything on that Pinterest board that I love.”

I must admit a lot can happen in three years of a relationship; you and your partner could break up, and wedding plans could go in the trash… but not really because I’ve noticed most weddings focus on the bride’s vision anyway. The groom is just happy to be there, and the little touches of your relationship in the decor won’t change the overall concept of the wedding decorations.

“If you looked at the Pinterest from a few years ago it is not matching the Pinterest right now,” Henry chuckled.

The preplanning stage can be vague because the overall goal is to help brides figure out the big-picture elements for their future wedding day.

Taylor Knight Wedding Photos Taylor Knight and her fiancé Ja’Vail / Photo by Shamell Mason

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Here are six things you can tackle without having a boyfriend or even an engagement ring:

1. Guest List

I encourage people to make a list of people they genuinely believe deserve to be at their wedding because when people hear you’re engaged, they will start popping out of nowhere, trying to make themselves relevant in their life again just to secure a spot at the wedding. Of course, you might add other guests on your behalf when you’re closer to that planning phase, but at least you have a solid list of who you want to be there. Also, creating this list allows you to see how many people you plan on hosting.

2. Vision

Everyone has a different vision for their wedding that speaks to them personally or to their love story, whether it’s a rustic romance, fairytale, vintage aesthetic, or a boho chic theme. It doesn’t hurt to make a Pinterest board, browse different concepts you resonate with, and envision yourself walking down the aisle.

3. Location

The location of your wedding can help determine how small or large your wedding can be. Some brides prefer a wedding in their hometown, giving more family members and friends a chance to attend. Meanwhile, brides like myself are choosing a destination wedding in the Caribbean to avoid a large attendance. I suggest jotting down a list of places you could see yourself getting married, domestic or international. When making this decision, a few things to consider are the likelihood of your family members being able to attend and how many people you want at your wedding. If I did my wedding in Florida, I can guarantee I would have 500 people in attendance, and with the budget I’m working with… that’s not happening.

4. The Dress

I will confess I went wedding dress shopping knowing what I wanted, but I walked out with something completely different. However, researching dresses beforehand helped me understand which dresses I wouldn’t even turn my head to, which helped me save time on items I had no interest in.

5. Bridesmaids

Personally, I don’t see how your bridesmaid’s list can change whether you’re single, dating, or engaged. I knew who my bridesmaids would be before 2020, but that list hasn’t changed much. Don’t these people know you’re considering them as bridesmaids because your list can change, but at least you have an idea of who you want standing up with you on that day. Trust me on that one; it got awkward.

6. Things You Dislike

Although it’s good to be open-minded, researching before your wedding lets you know things you would never want at your wedding. For example, I knew I would not have a bohemian wedding because it doesn’t suit my personality, so anything resembling that concept was an easy no.

Farley admits that it doesn’t hurt to start brainstorming how you envision your big day, no matter how far away it is, but she advises keeping this preplanning phase to yourself because it could come across as a red flag to your partner.

“If you create a Pinterest board and your significant other finds it, and you name it a wedding, they may take it as if you’re moving too fast, you’re delusional, or we’re not going in that route, or it can backfire on you.”

Gabrielle Peters, a 2023 destination wedding bride based in Atlanta, Georgia, wouldn’t encourage brides to plan too in advance.

“I think it’s okay to have a general idea of what you want, like I always knew I wanted a destination wedding, and I always communicated that to my husband,” Peters, 27, told MadameNoire. “But I wonder if you get too much into the weeds of things if you’re adding a lot of pressure to the relationship that may not be necessary.”

The Georgia peach expressed her concerns that brides can add the stress of wedding talk to a potential partner who may not even be their future husband.

“Like what happens if you plan a whole dream wedding with this person and this person does you dirty or wrong and now you’re convincing yourself to marry this person and see past anything they’ve done just because of this preplanned wedding,” Peters added.

Taylor Knight and her fiancé Ja’Vail / Photo by Shamell Mason

However, some brides regret not having an idea of what they envision their wedding day to look like before their proposal because once that ring slips onto your finger, prepare for the overflow of questions coming your way!

Family and friends will immediately ask you, “So when do you want to have the wedding?” as if your fiancé just didn’t get off his knees and ask you to be his wife. But luckily for me, I was ready to give them an answer to nearly every question they had, such as “Where will the wedding be?” “How many people do you plan to invite?” or “Who are your bridesmaids?”

Romae Morgan, a 2025 bride based in Raleigh, North Carolina, wishes she considered the fundamental elements with her partner before getting engaged.

“Prior planning would definitely be helpful,” Morgan, 27, confessed. “As soon as I got engaged, the questions were, “When are you getting married? When are you going to start having kids?” When? Where? What? Why? All of that can be very overwhelming.”

Morgan confessed she had to take a break from wedding discussions because it was an overload of topics she never considered.

“I think the questions are not based off bad intentions or the process of needing to hurry up and get ready. I think it’s just what the next best question is to ask,” she added.

More people should plan their weddings before becoming engaged because this allows you to plan your wedding without the pressures of everyone wanting to get involved and throw their two cents in. I’ve noticed that many brides struggle to make decisions confidently because they try to please everyone except themselves.

“There are a thousand decisions that we must make and I don’t think people are prepared to make that many decisions,” Farley revealed about the stresses of wedding planning. “You have influences from the family, influences from the friends, influences from social media, and you have influence of what your budget is.”

Some brides limit themselves to less than a year to plan their wedding, which means their brains work overtime to put this vision together. However, if you’re coming into the wedding planning phase with a plan, you won’t have to make the planning process miserable rather than enjoyable.

With my wedding six months away, I can say it has been a breeze because everything is already set, with minor adjustments to incorporate things that represent my partner and our relationship. Plus, I do have a wedding planner who was very grateful I was able to give her an entire Google Drive with everything she needed, which made her life a lot easier, too.

Farley, who has nine years of experience in the wedding industry, prefers when her clients know what type of venue they want, the season, themes, and colors because it makes it easier for her to envision the couple’s big day.

“I like a bride who knows 50% of what she wants,” Farley said.” Not being stuck to I gotta have this versus I love the concept of this.”

However, I wouldn’t set yourself up to think everything you plan for your future wedding will go exactly as you preplanned it, but it definitely helps alleviate any confusion or influences from other people.

“All the people that say it’s crazy to preplan, it’s hogwash because do you want a good day or stress?” Henry declared. “The 2026 brides, they are on it! Doing what they need to do. You might get left behind if you don’t preplan!”

So do your future self a favor and plan that wedding.